Doing Your Woman Ducky Style

by Cookie

I had absolutely nothing for you this morning.  Omg.  My first encounter with writer’s block.  What the hell?  I always have something to say.  Always.

But, once again, msn.com saved my life when I came across this little gem:

http://lifestyle.ca.msn.com/love-sex-relationships/4-crazy-signs-shes-cheating-on-you

Jackpot.  If you don’t have time to read the whole article, or would rather hear my colorful summary, here it is:

Men, if you spend a lot of time going down on your woman, and life to bang her really hard and deep, she may be cheating and you subconsciously know it.   Women, if you have a witty, bubbly personality and like to take walks, you are probably a whore on the prowl.

Who comes up with this shit?  It’s like they want me to make fun of them.  I mean, is this article actually suggesting that the only time a man should sexually satisfy his woman is if he thinks she might leave him?  I have an idea.  Why doesn’t he get down there and get to work from the beginning, so he doesn’t have to panic later on.

And, according to this article, the deep penetration is to dislodge anyone else’s sperm.  Sounds a little like forced copulation in ducks to me.  Which you can read about here,  http://askanaturalist.com/why-are-these-mallard-males-beating-up-this-female/   if you need a visual.

And let’s not forget that if you are witty and charming and like to keep fit, that is synonymous with whore.  I guess all wives should become mute, fat and submissive once married.  Cause that’s every man’s dream.  Oh. Wait.  It probably is.

Anyway, here’s the thing.  I don’t understand cheating.   What the hell is the point in being in a committed relationship if that’s not what you what?   If you want to sow oats and slut yourself around with whoever gives you a tingle, go for it.  Women have already been through their sexual liberation, haven’t they?  It’s ok for you to admit that you want or have different needs.  And it’s socially acceptable for you to go out and get laid whenever you feel like it.  A willing partner is just an internet click away these days.  You don’t even have to try.

But, despite all this, I think women cheat for different reasons than a man would. At least initially. I think a man may be more likely to give in to what is purely physically temptation, because sometimes “little willy”  is more in charge than “big willy”.  I think when a woman cheats she is straying because she feels a lack of intimacy and connection with her partner, and than gets sucked in if she feels connected to someone she knows.

So men:  If you want to keep your woman and make her happy, you should do all the sexual satisfying this article suggests.  But the thing is, before you can even get into her pants, you have to make sure that you are connected in all the other ways.  You have to keep the partnership going.  Then you can thrill with all your mad skills and seal the deal.

Women:  Give him lots of blowjobs.  The end.

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