Hey Mike Jeffries, Try Banging A Fat Chick!

by Cookie

Oh Boy.

This could almost be a Hot on the Titties subject.   Any Abercrombie & Fitch fans out there?  Did anyone see this article making the Facebook rounds this morning?  You should read it.

It turns out that Mike Jeffries, the CEO of A&F seems to be a bit of an asshole.  “What’s that?!”  You must be shouting in complete disbelief. The CEO of a company an asshole?  How could this be interesting enough to write about on a Wednesday morning?

It turns out that he’s not just a simple, greedy bastard like most.  He is in fact willing to give up a lot of potential sales  by eliminating at least 25% of the population from his marketing strategies.  Now, all brands are going to have a certain demographic that they sell to.  This is not a big deal either.  What makes him a jerk is his public declaration and outright loathing of fat people.  To the extreme, I might say.  Nothing in the A&F store is above a size 10 for ladies.  Size 10!  Omg.

So.  Here’s the thing.  It’s his company and he can do whatever he wants.  Obviously his marketing strategy has worked, because he is outrageously rich and successful.  He might be an asshole, but his reasoning is brilliant.  Because you know what?  When you’re in high school, the biggest desire of 99% of the kids is not to get good grades, get into a good college, and become a better person.  The biggest desire is to be popular.  To be a part of that exclusive club where you can do whatever you want socially because somehow you are at the top of the social food chain.

Jeffries has brilliantly created this exclusivity to his brand that makes the cool kids wear it.  Good for him.

But sit down on my couch, Mr. Jeffries, and let me take a guess at what your childhood was like.  I suspect there are two most likely situations.

A)  You were one of the popular kids at school.  You were maybe good at school sports, reasonably good looking and very cocky.  You probably never had a real girlfriend that you cared about because you were too shallow to give a shit about her personality.  Your popularity was your only redeeming quality, because you didn’t have any real talents or strengths.  You had nothing in your life that made you feel special other than being popular.  Protecting your exclusivity became your highest priority, so no one would ever find out what a douchebag you really are.

B)  You were a total loser in school.  Maybe you were too fat for nice clothes.  You had good grades, but never had a girlfriend because girls wouldn’t give a loser like you the time of day.  You longed to be part of the in crowd. You vowed one day that you would be in charge of your own shit, and make up your own rules.

So what now?  Do we call for a boycott of A&F because Mike Jeffries doesn’t like fat people?   He can manufacture and sell whatever product he wants.  And maybe he’s right.  Maybe the only thing that makes his brand different from other jeans companies is that he will only accommodate a certain demographic.

Maybe he’s making all this shit up for some press.  Maybe it doesn’t matter.

You know what I think?  I think Mike Jeffries should fuck a fat chick.  A solid size 12 even.  I wonder if we could bring him over to the dark side then.  Cause maybe he just doesn’t know what he’s missing.

It’s like sushi.  The thought of eating raw fish before you’ve ever had it is sort of mortifying.  And then once you try it for the first time, you’re totally hooked.

So if you suddenly see sizes 12 and up in and Abercrombie & Fitch store, you’ll know we got to him, girls.