Hot on The Titties: All About Penises

by Cookie

Good Morning, Kids.

Ready to get Hot on the Titties?   I was contemplating what to write about this morning, and started thinking how we spend a lot of time talking about girl things.  You know, childbirth, vaginas, pregnancy, blah blah blah.

Today, boys, I wanna switch it up and talk about your junk.  That’s right.  We’re going to think about penises all day long.

So what I really want to give people a chance to weigh in on is the question of cut or uncut.  Seeing as I will be shooting a boy out of my cookie in a few short weeks, we have had to make the decision on whether or not to circumcise our man-child.  And we’ve decided that we absolutely will.  Does that make us horrible people?  Or are we traditionalists, who want what we feel is best for our child?

Years ago, it was such a no-brainer.  In fact, they used to snip away right after birth, right in the hospital and be done with it.  I think you could even get a rabbi to come in and do it for you if you were Jewish enough.

Now, however, it’s just another topic in an endless stream of parenting decisions.  Googling circumcision this morning provided me horrible images of procedures gone wrong.  Blood stained infants.  Protest and parades of people wearing penis suits marching down city streets.  It’s become a real thing.

So, why or why not?

There seems to be some evidence that removing the foreskin can help prevent sexually transmitted diseases (particularly HIV), is cleaner, and perhaps even prevents penile cancer.  (though this cancer is so rare the jury is still out on this).

Then the great Dr. Sears claims that the prevention of infections, etc is only relevant if the man or boy isn’t following proper hygiene.

There is a chance that keeping the foreskin makes sex better.  But this is my son we’re talking about, and he will remain a virgin until his wedding day so really, is this relevant?  His sexy time is not my business.

Plus there is the whole aesthetic.  I don’t know what the rest of you girls prefer, but I like the penis to be nice and streamlined.  I like the purple head that comes out.  I like a clean, naked look.  It’s kind like someone walking around wearing a hood all of the time.  Don’t people usually do this when they have something to hide?  Or if they are ugly?  Or ashamed of something?

I want to know what I’m getting.  NO shameful, ugly, hidden penises for me.  I like it cut.  I’ve never even seen a real live, uncut Johnson.  Only in the movies, and they looked kinda scary.  Like something out of my invertebrate zoology textbook.

And let’s get real about the whole hygiene thing.  It usually takes about until the child is 3 or so for the foreskin to be completely retractable.   Which means every time they bathe or you bathe them, you will have to manually pull it back and get in there to clean it out.  Is there something wrong with me if I say that this horrifies me?    I don’t want to peel back his penis skin.  And as if any little boy will remember to do this on his own.

NO. We don’t want any smelly, hooded penises in this house.  They’re not for us.

But medically, and if I try to be reasonable, there isn’t concrete medical reasons to have my child circumcised.  And I’m not Jewish.

But Jesus was.  And we are supposed to live like Jesus, right?  So circumcision it is.

How about you?  Cut or Uncut?  Did you?  Will you?

And girls…..have you?

Happy Friday, bitches.

 

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