Yeah. I Leash My Kid, But You’re The Douche.
Hey it’s Thursday! Guess what time I woke up today? 4am. Yes! Isn’t that fucking awesome? I can hardly wait for the rest of the world to wake up in about 5 hours and complain about how tired they are.
So I perused the “family” section on Canada Msn, and came across a debate about whether or not you should leash your toddler. This should probably be a Friday topic, but I am so seriously infuriated by this one bitch’s comment that I almost went into labour. Which would have of course meant she was instantly forgiven. But since it didn’t happen, fuck her.
“I think parents who use leashes look lazy. It seems cruel to yank a child around town rather than take the time to teach him or her how to behave in public.”
Well pardon the fucking HELL out of me you perfect, fucking, mother of the year. Shall I just rush out and get you your crown and bouquet of flowers and just shrink back to the dark corners of my shit ass life? I can’t even believe that someone would say this.
1. I am 1010 months pregnant and counting.
2. I live on a busy residential street.
3. I am still trying to take my almost 2 year old daughter out for walks even though the pain in my crotch and pelvis is borderline torturous some days.
4. I cannot possibly catch her if she starts running towards the street.
5. All it takes is ONE time. ONE FUCKING TIME where I don’t get to her in time and some asshole is speeding down the street.
6. I am not lazy. I am being practical and working within my limitations.
7. Go fuck yourself.
Then she goes on to talk about how it isn’t surprising to see leashed children misbehave. I guess it’s because us lazy shits don’t take time to teach our children any boundaries. Last time I checked, every toddler on the face of the earth has thrown a fit over something or other. I suspect that the reason an unleashed tot is not freaking out is partly because they are getting their own way at the moment. And for the record, I don’t leash my toddler every time I go out. I leash her when her safety trumps your judgemental bullshit. Such as busy street, or if I’m by myself with her in a busy place and I’m worried I can’t keep up to her.
And yes, while teaching my child rules is my job as a parent, so is going to whatever means necessary to keep her safe. So while you are shouting commands to your child from across Target, I will have my kid safely in the cart. Or attached to it. Or attached to me. And I will look at you and think you are just as big of a douchebag as I am. So there.
Women like this really get on my tits, you know? Why is it that because something worked for you it automatically makes the rest of us wrong for not doing it your way? Because at the end of the day, you cannot guarantee that your child, especially a toddler is going to listen and give a fuck what the rules are every single time. They are not capable of it because they live in a world of instant gratification and cannot predict the outcome of their actions.
So yeah. I leash my toddler. Because I don’t trust her. Not because she’s an asshole and I suck at parenting, but because she’s fucking two years old.
ONE TIME. That’s all it takes.
My kid may be on a leash, but at least she’s not on a milk carton or tombstone.