Go Away. I Will Eat You Tomorrow.
by Cookie
You know what I hate? People who are trying to sell me something. Or convince me of something. Or guilt me into to something. Or who want me to support their cause.
Guess what, assholes of the universe? I don’t want to buy your crap. I don’t want to support your team if you’re a stranger. And by the way, I have my own fucking cause to support right now. It’s called two children under the age of two who need to nap. And when you ring my doorbell trying to get me to support your cause, it sends the dogs into a frenzy and wakes up my children.
AND guess what your chances are of getting my money now? They used to be 0%. Now you’re at minus 1000%. Try digging yourself out of that hole, Dicksmack.
Seriously. Are we in the 1950’s still? Do people actually go door to door to peddle their shit? Why don’t you go on Dragon’s Den or get an infomercial like everyone else out there, and leave me alone?
Furthermore, I have not one, but, TWO signs on my door saying “No solicitors, agents, or peddlers” and “no unsolicited flyers”. Why is it that every single person trying to get my money thinks these signs apply to everyone except for them.
Because you know what? It’s not that your charitable organization isn’t worthy. It’s not because I’m a scrooged out old bag who can’t part with her money. I support plenty of fundraisers and make plenty of donations whether it be items or money. The signs mean that I don’t want a stranger ringing my bell and waking up my babies that finally went to sleep after they have been driving me up the goddamn wall all morning. It’s about me having one small window during the day where both of my children are momentarily satisfied enough with life to leave me alone long enough to have a sandwich and read a book. It’s about you disturbing my peace.
So pardon me for asking you to go away or telling you to go fuck yourself if I’m feeling overly irritated. Which will happen when you don’t accept the word “no”, by the way. I don’t think I need to be nice to you when you have clearly disregarded my wish to be left alone. I’m sorry if I offended you or if you think I’m a bitch. But you earned it.
I think I’m going to change the sign on my door:
“Babies sleeping. Ringing this bell will trigger the trap door which lets my guard dog out to chomp on your balls.”
and
“Go Away. I will eat you tomorrow.” (thank you Paper Bag Princess for this lovely phrase..)
I wonder if people would get it then?
ihaveanopinionidliketoshare 
Yup! I remember those days. I use to want to throttle everyone’s neck, even a person starting a mower down the street. Hey! 2pm is no time to now your grass, jerk! Lol.
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I would freak, freak, freak when it happened on my first and second. After that there were so many children here that there was no such thing as quiet as they played and roared and fought in every room. In fact with school collections at all different times the babies rarely got to go to their cot to sleep so they were left where they fell, in car seats on the kitchen table or in the play room forgotten about.
By the way I was listening to my sons song today when it came on the radio and I thought of you. I envied you your little boy!
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That has happened to me so many times. So frustrating!
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ugh!! YES!! I hate this too. And, in our new house, the baby’s room is right by the front door, so even knocking is not allowed! Frankly, in this day and age, I don’t want to open my door to anyone I don’t know no matter what time of day it is. But, naptime, you better believe I will kill you. What bugs me are the ones that knock loudly, and then ring the bell, and then knock again. THERE IS A REASON I’M NOT ANSWERING!!! But, now I have to answer so that you will not wake up my freaking baby. But, you probably already did.
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People really are assholes. For realsies.
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I think I wrote a similar post, but am too lazy/tired to find you the link. It’s back there somewhere in one of my rants to no one. 🙂
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When Monkey was little I hung a sign on the door that said ‘Baby sleeping! Please DO NOT DISTURB. Thank you :)’.
It was hand written and taped to an old coat-hanger. I was desperate. But it worked! Perhaps that’s WHY it worked.
Now I just have to work out how to stop the dogs barking at people across the street and birds who dare to land on our patio!
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Our weiner dog sometimes barks at leaved blowing down the street. It’s days like those that make me want to go swimming in a pool of vodka.
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Mmmm vodka. Once this FET cycle is officially a failure, I’ll go swimming for the both of us!
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Lol I totally agree and these people suck. And, they always bang super loud, and obnoxiously on the door. Every now and then I also get a telemarketing call and I’m all WTF? Who still does that? If they don’t just, go away and hang up as soon as I, say no then they deserve my wrath.
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