Miley. Oh Miley. You Whacked-Out Ho-Bag.

by Cookie

Ok.  So.  I had to really think about whether or not I wanted to write about this crap.  I wasn’t sure if I wanted to give it more attention that it didn’t deserve.  But the truth is that I just simply cannot keep my opinions to myself.

I never paid much attention to Miley Cyrus before this ridiculous performance at the VMAs.  Why?  Because she wasn’t part of my demographic.  My children are not old enough to have lived through the Hannah Montana years, and I am too old to really give a fuck.

But I kept hearing stuff about the VMAs.  So I had to look it up.  HAD to.

And, well, we all know what happened.  If you don’t, just YouTube it, and you’ll really, really wish you hadn’t.  Almost in a “two girls, one cup” kind of way.  By the way, don’t YouTube that either.  It will give you porno-nightmares.

Anyway, this is what I think about poor Miley:

1.  Where is the HELL is her manager/publicist and parents?  You would think for someone so established in the industry, she would bloody well have somebody out there advising her against making a total and complete asshole of herself.   She is going to look back on this in a few years and wish she had either died before it happened or entered rehab a wee bit sooner.

2. Whatever point she was trying to make failed.  It was poorly planned, poorly rehearsed, and poorly performed.  If you are going to go acting like psycho-slut on stage, everything about it has to be meticulous. The performance has to be, for lack of a better term, tight.  Perfect.  She looked like she pounded a 26, took off her clothes, and started dancing on the speakers at some Coyote Ugly bar.  Except with giant teddy bears and ugly shoes.

3.  No one should ever try to create the kind of thing on stage that Madonna does unless you’re Madonna.  Or Lady Gaga.

4.  Brooke Shields was right when she called it desperate.  Heartbreakingly so.

5.  There may be no such thing as bad publicity, because we are all certainly talking about her now.  But the difference is that when Madonna wore her underpants over her clothes, we never questioned her credibility.  When Gaga wore a dress made out of beef, we never questioned her genius.  When Miley acted like a coked-out slut, singing badly on stage, we ceased to recognize her as an artist, and started to recognize her as a struggling young adult begging us to forget her as a child.

Seriously.  What is so wrong about not being an asshole?

Billy Ray.  Please.Talk.To.Your.Fucking.Kid.

Before she gets completely naked next time.