So yesterday was our seventh wedding anniversary. Just about an eternity if we lived in Hollywood. And a pretty good show for the average North American couple I would say. Apparently, the average length of time a couple stays married in the US is about 8.7 years.
We’re almost there. But we’re nowhere near divorce. And here’s why:
1. We actually genuinely enjoy the same things. Which means we can do stuff together, with or without the kids and it’s not a chore for one of us. Except if we bring the kids. Then everything’s a fucking chore, but at least we’re in it together, right?
2. We’ve had that fight. You know, the one where we decided to get divorced. Actually, we’ve had it several times. We’ve become really good at it. But you know what? We’re still kicking. The thought of actually going through with it is more awful than any fight induced insult we can throw at each other.
3. I could simply not be single, unless I want to live in the 1980’s. I would not be able to set up a tv. Or my phone. or my computer. I am a slave to my husband’s technological savvy. In this area, I admit weakness and will say that I need him.
4. He could not be single unless he plans to starve to death. The only reason I let him in the kitchen these days is to make coffee and do the dishes. So you see? He is weak and needs me too. Yin and Yang, right?
5. We just bought our first brand new car as a couple. And you know what a brand new car costs? A shitload of money that neither one of us could afford alone. And seeing as it’s a 7 year car loan……here’s to another 7 years of marital bliss, baby.
6. Our brand new car seats 8. Which means I still may be in the market for another baby. I need a penis to make that happen, and I have a piece of paper that says I own his. That’s what a marriage certificate is, right? Penis ownership?
7. My Destroyer and her Little Buddy are seriously the best babies ever made. And Husband gets half the credit there. Which means even if he’s being an asshole, he racks up tons of not-asshole points for being a great dad.
8. We really are still in love. Busy, but in love just the same.
9. He knows all my secrets. If he left me, I’d have to kill him.
10. I don’t like to not be the best at the things I do. So if the average marriage is 8.7 years, we have to stay married at least 50 to be the best. Right?
Happy Anniversary. Here’s to at least another 1.7 years.