I Deserved This, Didn’t I?

by Cookie



Every use that phrase “Be careful what you wish for”?

Yeah.  I think of that a lot.  Like even though you think something will turn out all perfect and adorable the world has a way of adding a little twist.

So we’ve been the tiniest bit concerned that Destroyer wasn’t talking much.  I mean, she has a small repertoire of words that she uses and finds a way to apply to things.  In fact, we’re able to decipher pretty much all of her jargon.  For instance:

dee= bird.


All other animals are identified solely by the sound that they make rather than their actual term.

What’s you name?  “ME”.

And so on.

It’s actually quite cute and charming in it’s own way.  Unless she’s mid tantrum and then it’s completely fucking annoying because then not only can I not understand her through her tears, but trying to decipher the Destroyer lingo at the same time is equally irritating.

Anyway.  She is finally starting to repeat words and sounds back on a regular basis. Great, right?  Sort of.  Do you ever notice how distorted and fucked up toddlers pronounce things?

“What kind of duck is that?”  Remember, she thinks a duck is a quack.  With me so far?

“Blue Cock”

Oh boy.  There endeth the vocabulary lesson that day as I try not to laugh and pour a large glass of rum.

And then last week, she discovered holes.  Holes in the ground. Holes in the door jams.  “It’s a hole Mommy!”  Pretty impressive, right?  That’s a four word sentence.

I was just starting to feel relieved that she wasn’t really going to need to go to speech therapy after all.  And then yesterday she started acting like an asshole at the dinner table.

“Destroyer, don’t be an asshole.”


Terrific.  Just. Fucking.Terrific.

I was warned.  You all warned me this would happen. Nobody is going to be surprised when it’s my child swearing like a goddamn sailor.  I guess I had it coming.  Now I have a potty mouthed little devil with an angel’s face.

Hopefully, she never learns to pronounce her “F” sounds.  Then we’re in real trouble.