F You, Silent K

by Cookie

This is probably the most pointless thing I will ever write.  But seriously, I hate spelling in the English language.

As with other things in life that should be simple, we have this tendency to make things harder.  Like we just want to make sure the kids are paying attention sometimes in class.

Top Ten words that should not be fucking spelled the way they’re spelled:

1.  Knife.  Come on.  What the hell is the “k” for?  K is for Kidding.  As in, just kidding,  knife doesn’t start with an “n”

2. Dough.  Homer Simpson finally gets it right.  “Doh” makes way more sense.

3. Jalapeno.  I don’t give a shit if it’s Spanish.  It’s prnounced “h”.  Spell it with a fucking “h”.

4. Height.  It sounds like kite.  I vote for “hite”.

5. Jaromir Jagr.  So technically, this is a name.  He’s Russian.  So what.  The Y rule should win.

6. Knight and Night.  See number 1 and number 4.

7. Colonel.   It’s pronounced “kernel.  It looks like COLON-el.  Is this a round about way of calling military leaders asses?

8. Neighbor.  Also, Neighbour, if you’re Canadian.    Should be spelled “Naybore” unless you’re an asshole.

9.  Zebra.  Unless you’re British, where they don’t pronounce it Zeebra.  Also, the Brits can pretty much do whatever they want with that accent.

10. Vaccuum.  What the fuck, double, U?