Torture for all Parents Who Thought They had it All Figured Out
by Cookie
We’ve been having a tough couple of weeks, me and Buddy. My tiny bestie is driving us a little crazy at night. I am near the point of delirium and not sure how much longer I can sleep this poorly and still speak in complete sentences.
With any luck, maybe I’ll get fired and then find a job where communication isn’t a necessary skill.
Anyway, parenting these days has a lot of fancy fucking terms. “Wonder Week 19”, “4 Month Sleep Regression”, etc etc. I actually don’t give a shit what you call it. It doesn’t matter. I just want it to go away. I want to hear the term “5 Months Old is the Bestest, Easiest, Most Blissful Sleep Time For Every Baby And It Lasts Forever”.
Right?
That’s a thing, right?
My Buddy has been sleeping through the night since he was about 7 weeks old. Like, 12 hours at a time. I would put him down around 8:30, and not hear from him again until the next morning unless he got a little gas bubble trapped. A couple of taps on the back, and right back to bed.
Until last week. First it was teeth. Now it just blows.
Sometimes it takes 3 hours to put him to bed. I want to die.
So you know what I started doing?
I started fucking co-sleeping again.
Pardon me, because I am the biggest hypocrite asshole person to ever live. First the non-circumcision, now the co-sleeping. Someone call Dr. Sears.
Seriously though, I keep thinking of the best parenting advice I ever got, and it reassures me a little. “Do what works. Don’t do what doesn’t work” ( Thanks Ken.)
And you know what doesn’t work? Everything else. I don’t even care, he can sleep in bed with me until he’s 14 for all I give a shit. Because otherwise I am a recipe for crazysauce.
In other news, I know that once he gets past this, he will have gone through a hugely developmental stage, and I’m seeing all of those things happen daily. But in the meantime, fuck my life.
Someone should rename it “Torture for all Parents Who Thought They had it All Figured Out.” Because that’s what it feels like.
In the meantime, I’m going to insert an IV to directly caffeinate myself. Oral doses no longer work.
Ah, you’ll fuck that boy up yet, won’t you, Canada? Lol.
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Doing what I can, Officer. :)-
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Do what works because what doesn’t can (I have proof) get you sectioned!
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Parenting is never a straight line from Point A to Point B, especially when Point B is sleep.
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haha! Too true!
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I don’t envy you the teething period. But then, it’s always something.
(I am so fucking cheerful today.)
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I was ready to resort to coffee suppositories. I’m SO glad I stopped here and found your suggestion first…
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What’s that? A dose of caffeine and a tickle in the bum? Yes please!
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RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!
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YES!
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Argh I remember this. We had two months of fuck all sleep between 4 and 6 months old. It almost killed me. Here’s hoping it doesn’t last that long with Buddy!
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I haven’t slept more than 5 hours at a time in 3 years. Eventually, you don’t feel the pain anymore…
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Babies are a big giant disaster in the cutest possible way. 🙂 Hang in there!
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Oh my heart goes out to you. My first two hardly ever slept with us, my third did a small bit, but when it came to number four, as with most things we threw away the book and just enjoyed her. If she was upset at night we took her into us. And in the end she was the easiest baby of all. Feck the books do what your instinct tells you. You do actually know your little baby better than anyone, especially people who have never met him!
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Feck ALL the books. They’re ALL wrong.
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Lol. You know I still cosleep with Monkey at nearly 28 months. He has never slept a whole night through, even when he was on morphine in the hospital. He sleeps like me! (Badly) I agree with larva, you get used to it after a while. Besides, I love sleeping with him and will be very sad when he grows out of it. Do what works, and find the joy in it! I don’t think anyone ever goes to their deathbed wishing they had snuggled their children less. And if Buddy is anything like Monkey, the only time he will be still enough to snuggle is when he’s asleep!
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Dude, co-sleeping gives me so much more sleep. That’s why I do it. Dassit. Yeah, bond, nature, blah blah blah. SLEEEEEP.
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