Happy Mother’s Day, Bitches

by Cookie

 

Friday.

No Hot on the Titties today.  Because Bitches, everyone’s titties are still blazing over my little rant last week.  The shit keeps pouring in.  And it’s lot of work to keep answering people who want me to read crazy articles written by crazy people and then try to explain to them why their reasoning is crazy.

So, instead I want to talk about something else.  I want to talk about Mother’s Day.

Mother’s Day hasn’t been much of a thing so far for us.   The first one was awful.  I got scheduled to work and I think Husband and I were arguing and it just didn’t so anything for me.

Last year I pregnant and miserable and trying to drag my little Destroyer around to all the Grandmas with flowers to make them all feel appreciated.  Because they’ve done a lot of nice things for us.

This year, Husband gets to return to work after 9 months of parental leave.  So I will be in charge of the little people for 14 hours.  I will coordinate Buddy’s swimming lesson with a visit to my mom, Husbands mom, Husband’s grandam and Destroyer’s “Gago”.  It’ll be fine.  We’ll visit and I’m sure someone will lend me a glass of wine or two along the way.

Bestie was supposed to come and hang out with me, but she offered to work for another mom so she could spend the day with her kids.  I gave the ok, because sometimes, Bestie and I do nice things for other people that aren’t us.

Take note people.  Offer me wine, or I may keep your flowers for yourself.  Everything has it’s price.

But you know what I really want for Mother’s Day, Bitches?

I want to be left the fuck alone for an entire day. From everybody.

Doesn’t have to be happen on Mother’s Day, but the promise of it may put enough juice in my tank to get me through to the end of the school year.

Seriously.  I want to wake up in the morning and put Baileys in my coffee.  I want to go out and shop and eat delicious food and be drunk on wine at noon and left alone.  Without anybody asking me for juice.  Or crying because they peed on the potty and I gave out the wrong sticker.  Or pitching a fit because I asked if they were hungry.

I want to walk up a set of goddamn stairs without removing or hurdling a gate.  I want to leave the house with only a purse and a set of keys. I want to get in and out of the car without 10 minutes of buckle wrestling.

So moms.  Let your families take you out for lunch or dinner and whatever.  Enjoy the crowds and the waits and the bullshit.

I am keeping my fingers crossed for a little bit of solitude.

And at the end of my day alone, I want to come home and snuggle my babes.  Because they are the two most beautiful things in the entire fucking universe.   I know, because I made them.  And they made me who I am today.  And I wouldn’t trade that for anything  Not one goddamn thing.  They are my life, my breath, my heartbeat, and my soul.  Becoming a mother is the most significant contribution I will ever make to this world.

And if I can have just one day to myself remember those things without them interrupting me, that would be great.

Happy Mother’s Day to all the Bitches out there.  x

 

 

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