10 Thoughts About Titties

by Cookie

Today’s inspiration comes to you via my friend Megan.  She delighted me with this article about titties over the weekend, and was eager to hear my opinion about it.

Blog-worthy?  Absolutely.

Here’s the 2 second summary:  Some asshole did a 15  year study on whether or not bras were useful. 15 years. And her conclusion was that bras are useless.  They makes our titties sag, and promote stretch marks, but it’s too late now.  Once you start wearing a bra, you’re doomed and can’t ever get nice perky titties again.  If we all just would have gone braless to begin with we’d all have super up-pointing, flawless boobs that are supported by our super tittie muscles.

Okay.

1. We have children starving and women being raped and wars and word financial meltdowns, and we have to spend our time and money on a 15 year study about whether or not my bra is doing its goddamn job?  Are you fucking kidding me?

2. Has the author of this study and all the magnificent braless titties out there ever seen a National Geographic magazine?  I rest my case.

3. As the proud owner of a set of fabulous DD’s, I can assure you that my intention of wearing a bra does not come from hoping it will make them perkier in the long run.  It comes from not being a fan of walking around with two black eyes all the time. And those bitches are heavy.

4. After I started watching The Walking Dead, I started wearing a sports bra to bed, so that when the shit hits the fan (and you know it’s going to happen in the middle of the night) I can make a run for it.  Running with no bra?  Not since I was 10.

5. Any hope any woman has of keeping her titties pointing in the right direction is likely not planning to breastfeed.  It’s almost like when the milk is gone, the titties are tired, and just never come back to life.

6. To the woman who tried running with no bra and wanted to tell us how wonderful it was: You’re an asshole too. And a liar.  Or a man with bitch-tits, which doesn’t count by the way.

7. There is a reason that the men were the ones to go out hunting in ancient civilizations.  No one wants to be running from a saber-toothed tiger with your giant knockers swinging around.  It’s evolutionary.Woman don’t run because boobs.

8.  I’m pretty sure that Victoria’s Secret doesn’t give a shit about your “bras are useless” article.  Because some bras aren’t for holding up boulders.  Some bras are for getting laid.

9. I go braless sometimes with the right dress.  When I’m wearing 3 inch heels that means no running of any kind is in the near future.

10. Bras are for making our boobs look nice while we’re wearing them.  If you want nice boobs while wearing no bra I have two words:  plastic surgeon.

 

The End.

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