Tricyle Riding Fail

by Cookie

I had this super awesome topic that Bestie sent me last week in anticipation of a super rant-y post about it.

But it’s going to have to wait.

Last week I had laryngitis, this week I have an actual cold, and I feel as though my thought processes are delayed and I have regressed intellectually to a point where words with more than four letters would be too much of a challenge due to the subject matter.

So instead, I’m going to write about bike riding today.

What?  You think I’m the one riding a bike?  Hells no.  I would fall off.  I am a terrible bike rider.  Terrible.

Which stands to reason that I decided to try and teach a Destroyer that had spent most of the day in a “NO Way” and “I wanna do it myself” tantrum to ride and peddle a tricycle.

Seriously, Bitches.  You know where this is going.

Problem # 1:  She doesn’t understand that her feet need to remain on the peddles.

Problem # 2: She doesn’t understand that the feet move in an alternating fashion.  She doesn’t understand what alternating means.

Problem # 3:  She wants to do it “ALL BY MYSELF. NO!  YOU PUSH.  NO! STOP PUSHING ME.  NO YOU!”

Problem #4:  Spankings aren’t allowed in the middle of the street. Or on bike rides.

Problem # 5:  I didn’t  bring any alcohol.

Problem #6:  I can’t ride a bike and therefore have no real advice.

Oh, eventually we got her going after a good 20 minutes of tears and one, maybe two swear words from me.

“Look Mommy!  I’m doing it!”  ( as I push her tricycled ass around the block for the 7th time).

Doing what? Giving me grey hairs, babe?  You sure are.

Am I doing it wrong, Bitches?  Advice?