How Many Lobsters Can You Fit Down YOUR Pants?

by Cookie

If you’re looking for some delightful bullshit this morning, Bitches, look no further.

This fucking woman stuffed 7 lobster tails down her pants and tried to walk out of the supermarket.  She was going to trade them for a trip to a Chinese food buffet.

Do you know how much the lobsters were worth?  83.99$.  Sweet Jesus girl, are you stupid or just really bad at math?

First of all, I don’t know what kind of Chinese buffets you Americans are putting on in Florida, but I can get a decent on here for about 12.99$.  And for 20 bucks, I can get a Chinese buffet wet dream.

For 83.99$?  It better be full of Tiger Balls and extremely delicious fortune cookies that not only promise I’ll be rich, but deliver some gold coins or some shit.

Second of all, if you weren’t walking around with 84 dollars worth of fish down your pants, you might be able to get someone to buy you dinner just because you’re a girl.  I guess it could be worse, it could have been 84 dollars worth of tuna.  Right?

Thirdly.  Do you even know how to steal?  I can think of half a dozen better ways to steal some shit from a grocery store that doesn’t include filling my pants with seafood.  There has to be a better way.  Don’t you own a purse?  Those giant ones are super “in” by the way.

And lastly, how is this on the first fucking page of msn news this morning?  Slow day?  Not enough bombings in the Middle East or sports coverage?  Come on.  The World Cup is is Rio.  There must be some sort of crazy shit happening down there.  Crazy soccer fans in one of the biggest party cities in the world and we need to read about lobsters in the pants.