Fat Attack

by Cookie


Here’s the thing about diets, Bitches:

They fucking suck sometimes.  Especially around the holidays.

We aren’t doing anything crazy or strict, but in the last month or so, we’ve decided to take better care of our hearts.  No gimmicks, no bullshit.  Just trying our best to eat a lot more fruit and vegetables, a lot less processed crap, and set a good example of nutrition for our kids.

So, I’ve been making everything from scratch.  Lots of vegetarian dishes, and crockpotting to my heart’s content.

The results?   Excellent, actually.  We have more energy.  I’ve lost about 15 pounds.  That part was sort of a bonus at first, but then you see the numbers move, and oh, boy!  Let’s starve a bit and see how low I can go, right?


Then Thanksgiving happened.  The problem with being the host is that it’s not over when everyone leaves.  The leftovers beckon you like a hooker.  Taunting you to have a little taste.  Just one more bite.

I know, it’s just a couple of days.  Get back on the wagon.

But Bitches, I don’t wanna.

I wanna take a whole week off, instead of just Sunday.  I wanna eat the leftovers and annihilate the rest of my birthday cake.

Honestly, I would rather eat the rest of the cheese and pate then ever take a shit again.

What is wrong with me?

I certainly don’t want to have a heart attack at 45.  I don’t want to be so obese that I can’t race the Destroyer to Gago’s and have her beat me because I’m too fat and out of shape to run.

I want to try all my new healthy vegetarian, high fibre, low cholesterol recipes and wow Husband for taking such good care of him.

And then I want to sit in the dark with a bottle of cheap champagne and a bag of Doritos.

So, how do you do it?  How do you get back on the wagon after it tips over for a few days?  How do you avoid having to wear fat pants forever?  How do you stay motivated and healthy?

Answers, please.  Recipes welcome.  Motivation needed.