Things That Are Annoying Me
I’ve been having a hard time sleeping, Bitches. Insomnia is one of those things that trouble me from time to time. I go through a few months where being able to relax at bedtime and drift off seems to be an unattainable goal, and then all of a sudden it goes away. I have a glass of wine at the end of the day and sleep peacefully until one of the children wake me up. Or one of the dogs. Or the phone. Or the urge to pee.
Fuck it. Being well rested is a thing that I have given up on. I’ll survive on coffee, love, and pure adrenaline.
The truth is that my brain never, ever shuts off. Likely there are some things on my mind, and more likely than that, things are annoying me.
1. I fucking hate having to repeat myself. In any setting. Whether you are my child, pleasantly ignoring my instructions or some patron at my bartop who makes me repeat what kind of soups we have 5 times. You.Are. Annoying. Me.
2. You, Sir. With the dog in your lap as you drive in this God Forsaken crap of a city. There is one snowflake on the road and that doesn’t warrant going 30km under the speed limit. Try living in Buffalo, motherfucker.
3. Pacing dogs and the clickety-clack of their nails against the hardwood. Did you know that it is impossible to cut a pug’s nails short enough that they can walk silently on wood floors. I smell an amputation. Either her legs or my ears.
4. Liars. Not only do you annoy me, but I hate you. Grow a set, tell the truth and take responsibility for your douchey actions.
5. Not being independantly wealthy. I don’t care if this is unreasonable. It’s my fucking list, and I want to be rich.
6. People who think that the word “no” is the start of some kind of negotiation. It’s not. It means, take a fucking hike.
9. Other parents. The ones who pretend like they never get mad, never fuck up, and generally have ALL the answers to all the things. You annoy me because you are also number 4.
10. Hearing my name 10,000 times an hour. When I worked in biotech, I used to do crossword puzzles to get people to stop talking to me. I got tired of hearing my name all day long. On the phone. From across the room. On the paging system. Stop talking to me, I need a motherfucking time out.
11. Treehouse. More specifically, Caillou. I want to watch Dr.Phil, but the children lose their shit when the tv doesn’t suit their needs.
Sigh. I need a vacation.
What annoys you, Bitches?