What I Mean When I Say It’s Worth It
All of us who have tiny humans in our care say the words “some days are so hard, but all days are worth it” or some such thing.
Are they? Are those tough moments and shitty days worth the tears and frustration? What does it mean to say “it’s worth it” ? What’s it worth and how do I know?
To sum it all up, it is. It must be, or we would drop the diaper bag and run. We would quit and that would be the end.
So, I was thinking about what all these challenges are worth to me. What would I miss if I didn’t have children and didn’t endure some bad days? It’s mostly a bunch of little things that I would never get anywhere else. It’s tiny snippets of time that fill my heart back up in an instant to replenish the heavy empty feeling of a day gone bad where everybody annoyed me and I felt like I did a bad job.
It’s kind of like one tiny moment is enough to cancel out a big bucket of bullshit. Which, in my opinion is a pretty good return on my investment.
A shitty day is worth:
One blown kiss from a one year old across the room.
One heartfelt greeting when I return from work.
One moment of excitement over painting a pine cone with finger paints.
One look for my 3 year old while trying to load everyone in the car, only to discover she has plopped herself into the snow and made a perfect snow angel.
One wondrous look on her face when looking at Christmas decorations at the library. “It’s Christmas her too, Mommy.”
Two toddlers dancing to the Rio soundtrack every day, and never getting less excited about it.
One second of genuine laughter.
One little hand on my arm. One whisper of “It’s ok, Mommy, it was just a little accident.”
One face squishing kiss from a tiny one man wrecking crew.
One happy face from reading a book.
One beam of light on her face and an “I did it!”
Two children that know they are loved no matter how bad I fuck it up.
Two children that love me no matter how bad I fuck up.
So when I say, it’s worth it, it’s not just some bullshit reference to some cliche saying. I know exactly what it’s worth to me, I just forget the specifics sometimes. I’m trying to remember them more often. I need to remember them more often, because my tiny humans deserve it.
And how do I know it’s worth it? Because anything I’ve ever wanted for myself doesn’t even begin to compare to the things I want for them. The lengths I would go to to do something nice for myself doesn’t even begin to compare to the distance I would go to do something nice for them. All of my wishes, ambitions, and dreams are meaningless unless I can help them fulfill theirs first. That’s how I know.
My love for them has no limitations. That’s how I know.
Find the worth in the little things.