The Terrible Twos Got Nothing On The Fucking Fours

by Cookie

Whatever anyone tells you about the “terrible twos”  is nothing.  I don’t know how it got such a bad name.  Sure. This is the age where a kid learns to throw a temper tantrum, but they’re still kinda a baby, right?  It’s not really that big of a deal.  We just put Buddy in a 30 second time out and try not to laugh at his pouty little face.

So says the mom of an almost four year old.   Yes.  We are entering the affectionately named “Fucking Fours.”  And the “Terrible Twos” ain’t got nothing on those.

It’s like it happened overnight.  All of a sudden, the fits are monumental.  Instantaneous. Ridiculous. Loud.  Frequent.

There is door slamming and tears and screaming.  It’s like a tiny teenager is stuck in there but can’t get out.  And it is very very angry that It has to wait to go to the park until Its brother wakes up from his nap.

The the little brother wakes up and goes to the mini-Hulk-teenager thing and tries to comfort it and promptly gets hit in the head.  And then I get mad, because he didn’t fucking do anything, and now both of them are screaming.

So, although I am not opposed to spanking…..I use it occasionally and feel like a parent has to have this in their arsenal, I did spank her then.  The official rule is “we don’t hit each other in this house”  but in this case and eye for an eye felt appropriate.  I asked her how she felt about being spanked, and she said it hurt her.  So I asked her if she thought it hurt Buddy when she hit him?  I asked her if she thought that he was crying because she hurt him and he didn’t like it either.

I don’t know if it worked.  She seemed to get the point at the time, but seriously, yesterday was bullshit.

Everything is a struggle.  Eat your breakfast.  Take off your pajamas.  Put on your shoes.  Stop jumping on the bed.  Don’t strangle your brother.

In fact.  Strangle me.  I  will gladly volunteer as long as you finish the job.  Because if today is another day like yesterday, I’m looking at a slow, painful death or maybe a stroke.

Why are little people so psychotic sometimes.  OMG.  Is she psychotic?  Or just almost four?

Please pass the tequila.

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