So here we are. December 30, 2015. Time to to decide what our resolutions will be for 2016.
What do you want to be better at next year, Bitches? What do you want to do differently? What part of you needs change or improvement?
More importantly, why is the changing of a number on a calendar such a motivator to be a better you?
Resolutions are such bullshit. Today, I will decipher the true meaning behind popular resolutions.
- “Starting January 1, I am going to eat healthy. I am going to go to the gym, and lose 20 pounds.” What this actually means is that you are going to allow some gym to lure you into a membership and then go hardcore for 2-4 weeks until the guilt from treating gravy as a beverage for the month of December wears off. You will likely spend your gift cards on cute workout wear to make yourself feel like you’re really serious this time. You will then gradually visit the gym less and less as you realize that going to the gym is a real pain in the ass and you would rather be fat/phat.
- “Starting January 1, I am going to quit smoking.” I call bullshit. Smoking is a real bitch to quit. It is seriously so hard. You need a real piece of motivation, and the turning of the calendar year doesn’t count. Think about it. How many pregnant women do you see unable to quit? How many people on oxygen do you see still smoking? If possible harm to your baby or death aren’t good enough motivators, as if the fact that it is suddenly 2016 will work. Good luck.
- “starting January 1, I am going to quit drinking” hahahahahahahahahah. NOT EVEN.
How about this? Here are my resolutions:
In 2016, I am going to try and be less of an asshole than I was in 2015. I will likely still drink whatever amount of wine and tequila in order to cope with the things in my life that irritate me. I will likely still say fuck all the time because recent studies have shown it actually means I’m smarter than some prude and deep down a better person. I will continue to be the best mom that I can be and take care of my children in whatever way keeps them safe, gets us through the day,and makes them not be assholes. I’ll go through times where I take really good care of myself and eat healthy and maybe even lose some weight. And then I’ll celebrate a little too hard and gain it back. And I’ll be happy and love myself through all of it. I will have some days where I rock this shit and days where I fuck it all up, and I will be ok with that.
What I’m saying is, I will continue to be me. A real person with nothing to hide, and I will love myself despite my flaws.
Oh. And I do resolve to start blogging again. Because this helps me keep my shit real.
Cheers to 2016, Bitches.