I Forgot to Get The Flu Shot And My Toddler Is Starving Himself To Death
Oh my Gawd.
We are all dying in this house. Dying.
And I think it’s my fault. Me, the queen advocate for vaccinations, got myself a real nice batch of the flu last week. It’s been 10 days and this morning is the first morning I don’t feel like I might suffocate on the sea of snot and phlegm that’s been ruining my life since last Monday.
I was just trying to remember before I got sick if we had gotten our flu shots when were at the kids checkup, and I guess the answer is no. A Big.Fat.NO.
Could you imagine if I forgot to get the kids polio vaccination? Whoops! Sorry you’re paralyzed now, Mommy’s a bit of a forgetful asshole.
Anyway, that’s not the real point of this.
My poor Buddy is so sick and congested that he snores and slurps and drools and sounds like he’s drowning. Which he probably is. Because the flu sucks donkey balls, Bitches. It super does.
So last night I am rubbing Vicks Vaporub all over him to try to give him some relief, and I realize that my child is skin and bones. Skin and bones. I mean, he looks thin but it wasn’t until I was literally rubbing up his whole back and chest that I realized it just felt like there was no meat on him at all.
He is going through this picky phase the last few months or so and I can not for the life of me figure out how to get him to eat. He eats a lot of fruit and some veggies, I’m thankful for that, but I can’t get anything of substance into him. He can’t survive on chocolate milk and apple juice alone, although that also seems to be part of his evil plan.
So Bitches, I am asking you. How the hell do I fatten up my super active two year old? Any tricks to sneaking protein into things? Or fat, without it being just junk food?
Seriously. Kids have no sense of self preservation. How are some of them even alive?