If You Wanna Feel Like Mom Of The Year, Just Bash Each On The Internet

by Cookie

gold-268640_960_720

I belong to a couple of “Mommy” pages on Facebook.  You know, the ones where women share birthing war stories, complain about potty training and how their kids are assholes sometimes.  And it always surprises me how these women get all pissy and go keyboard warrior princess on each other as soon as someone makes a choice that is different from theirs.

One of the favourite things to fight about?

Breastfeeding versus formula feeding.  Because clearly my milk production (or lack there of) is your business.  Clearly my non-functioning right nipple affects your ability to breastfeed. That mom who breastfeeds in public without a cover?  Total whore. Plus she’s spoiling that baby by feeding him whenever he’s hungry.

And that picture of me with a bottle in my baby’s mouth?   It’s promoting bottle feeding instead of breastfeeding, when we know that breastfeeding is the ideal choice.  And don’t forget how lazy formula feeding moms are.  We can’t be bothered to put in the effort to do what’s best for our babies.  Jesus.  Formula feeding is a right pain in the ass actually.

Seriously, you know what?

Yesterday morning I fed my kids chocolate milk and licorice so that they would leave me alone for an hour while I taught my online students.

While I practiced in the afternoon, Buddy climbed up on the counter, opened a package of cookies, and proceeded to lick the icing out of the middle of about 5000 cookies.

He then ate an orange and a handful of rice for dinner.

The Destroyer ate all the mushrooms out of her bowl at dinner.  And that’s all.

So, instead of making a new mom feel bad about the way she chooses to feed her baby so that you can feel validated in the choices that you make, just feel that you one upped me by not feeding your kid candy and crap for almost an entire day.

And if you want really need to feel like you’re doing the best job ever, know also that almost every single Avenger has some sort of inappropriate name according to Buddy and his speech impediment: ( clearly because I don’t read enough to him or work on diction or do anything at all really to help his development:

Thor=Whore

Clint (Hawkeye)=Cunt

Falcon=Fuckin

Robots=Ho-bots

All you really need to do to feel like parent of the year is to visit here and do none of the things I do.

 

 

Advertisements