Bachelor Recap: Crazy Lace and the Virgin Olivia

by Cookie

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Ok, I know I’m a day late, but I didn’t get to finish watching the Bachelor until last night.  I knew there would be some good stuff in the second half that I’d be dying to comment on and boy oh boy was it worth the wait.

Let’s start with the one on one date.  Ben decides that the first individual date goes to the little sprite Caila.  And let’s be honest. Caila Who?  Who gives a shit about her when you have Ice Cube and Kevin Hart in the car?  Any one of the girls and Ben would have had a good time in that scenario and it would have nothing to do with their “connection” or how great Ben is or any other crap. She seems like a nice enough girl, but they spelled her name wrong.  It should read B-O-R-I-N-G.  I don’t even remember any details other than naked Kevin Hart in the hot tub.

But fast forward to the Group Date……yessssssss.

Crazy Lace is at it again.  Does anybody notice that when she speaks she sounds like she is trying so hard not to slur her words?  She speaks so slow and deli-ber-ate  and I can’t decide if she is overcoming a speech impediment or if she’s just kinda drunk all the time.

In her conversation with Ben she spent her time doing three things:

  1. Interrupting him and talking over him
  2. Apologizing for being crazy.
  3. Trying to convince him she’s not crazy.

Here’s the thing about crazy people.  They do crazy shit but never think they’re crazy.  That’s how you know they are.

Why is he keeping the crazy girl?  I’m sure he gets some sort of tolerance bonus for making good tv.

An OH YES.  Group Date number two.

The Sniff Test.

Poor Sam.  Honestly.  If some dude I was dating told me I smelled sour, I’d punch him in the face and spray perfume in his eyes.  What an asshole.  But you can’t argue with science right?

And the Heat Test?  Out of Olivia’s mouth ” I’m feeling this heat in my….stomach region”.

Honey, if you can’t tell that old Ben there is getting you all wet and what you’re feeling is the “I wanna have sex with Ben” heat, you’re a bigger virgin than Becca.  Who, by the way was stellar in last night’s episode.  She didn’t kiss Ben, but she seemed a lot less frigid than she did with the Farmer last season.

But seriously Olivia.  You seemed so great last week, and all that attention is going to your head.  Time to take it down a notch before you become the Vienna from Jake’s season ( and we all know how well that worked out).  You don’t ever want to be the bitch in the house.  Dumb Dumb Dumb!

And that wide, mouth hanging open fake smile you’ve got going on?  Shut it down.  Also, you look like shit with no makeup on.  The End.

So another week done, and I can’t wait to see who starts coming out on top.  My top four at the moment are ( in no particular order)

Lauren B: She’s cute and real and so far not an asshole.

Becca:  She seems comfortable and had good easy chemistry with Ben.

Amanda:  He seems to really dig her and her babies he’s never met.  Rooting for the Mom.

Jojo:  She’s hot.  He can’t keep his hands off her.  Also not an asshole….waiting to see more of her.

Til next week!

 

 

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