Buying Groceries Is Making My Ass Hurt

by Cookie


Do you ever get the feeling that large corporations are taking over the world?  I feel like everywhere I turn, another Walmart is going up.  Where the hell are the little family owned shops in our neighborhoods where they call you by name and mean it when they say “Thank You” on your way out?

I guess right now, with Canadian dollar sitting just below the crap line and on it’s way to the shitter, and oil prices fucking over all of Alberta and therefore the rest of Canada I can’t help but be a little irritated.

When gas prices were through the roof here at 1.30$ a liter, we were told that groceries were expensive because the cost of transporting them was so high and blah blah blah.

Now, gas prices are half of what they used to be and groceries are EVEN higher than they were then.  Now we’re told it’s because the dollar is so low, so the price to import produce especially is so high and blah blah BLAH.

I guess since they can’t bend us over and rape our asses at both the gas pump and the grocery store right now, they’ll just fuck us twice as hard at Superstore.

And don’t forget the drought in California that’s been going on for a million years.  Apparently all the produce in Canada comes from California, which is unfortunate because California has also been on fire for a few years. Did anybody else notice that they are beside the ocean?  We can send people to the moon and are thinking of colonizing Mars, and Sylvester Stallone is nominated for an Oscar, but we can’t figure out a way to take the salt out of the water and use it?

You know what I think?

I think we live in a country covered in snow for more than half the year and we depend on bringing in fresh produce from places with more forgiving climates.  So the big companies (that currently own all the things of ever) know they can fuck us by charging whatever they want.  Or we could starve. Because some people hold money over ethics.

You know what we need to do?

We need to build some giant fucking greenhouses here. Huge ones.  And grow our own goddamn food.  We have a lot of space here.  We can do it, I know we can.

And while we’re at it, we’ll wait for California to run completely out of water and sell them some of ours at astronomically high prices. Water will be our new oil.  Because the price of giving you our water is so expensive and we need to earn a living.  And also because fuck you for fucking us all these years.

You know what hasn’t gone up a lot in price?

Wine. Thank God.

Because nobody wants to be poor AND sober.