I like to think that I am a straight shooter. I pride myself trying to live as though “what you see is what you get”. I tell it like I see it, don’t take any shit and certainly never try to be ambiguous. Who has time for that?
Except, do I really? Social media has this way about it that we can twist people’s perceptions of us into anything we want. Alternatively, you post things and people draw their own conclusions, whatever those might be.
Someone on Facebook told me the other day what a great mom I was. I know I should just say thank you and move on, but I was like, ummm what?
The truth is that although I rant away about all the idiotic things I see and shake my head at some of the bullshit parenting advice out there, I don’t really know anything better than anyone else.
Yesterday I posted this picture:
Pretty perfect, right?
Here’s the behind the scene information:
- I decided to take the kids outside to play because Husband is on nights and needed some quiet in order to sleep.
- It was only 10 am and they were already driving up the wall.
- I lost count of how many times I had yelled at my children by 10 am. I needed a distraction, pronto.
- It literally took me 20 minutes to get them ready to play outside.
- While outside, Buddy’s boot fell off about 16 fucking times.
- His mittens also fell off about 16 fucking times and filled up with snow.
- I wiped the snot off his face with his own scarf. More than once.
- I took about 20 shitty photos to get this good one. So at least I had something to show for all the trouble.
- It wasn’t really that fun for me.
- Trying to get them back in the house, undresssed, clothes hung up to dry at the same time as trying to make them a hot chocolate made me want to blow my head off. All while they climbed all over the counters and emptied all my shit out of the cupboards in an effort to find marshmallows. Which they didn’t even eat after.
I should have taken some pictures of all those things, if you really wanted to know what a great job I was doing that day.
I also threw Buddy’s Thor doll across the room when he tried to crawl all over me while I was trying to get to the next level on whatever stupid fucking game I was playing on my phone during “quiet time“. I mean, who fucking does that?
I question the quality of my parenting every single day. I always feel like I could have done better, known better, been more patient, paid more attention. I struggle with needing a break but wanting to do more things with them. I struggle with feeling like I let the tv or IPad babysit them too often while I cook or do laundry or check my email. I struggle with wondering if something I’ve said or done today is something they will hold in their heart forever, and how that will affect them. I just want to make them kind, happy people. I just want them to know how loved they are, despite my impatience and imperfections.
But you’d never know it from the perfect, smiling picture of my kid online, would you?
I guess I feel like if I can catch a few candid, smiling, adorable pictures of my kids throughout the day I feel like I’ve at least done something right. Right?