The Road To Happiness Is Cluttered In Assholes, But Lucky For Me I’m Nimble As Hell
The other day I bumped into someone I hadn’t seen in about two years. There was nothing special about the day. I wasn’t all dressed up. I was wearing full outside winter attire complete with messy hair full of static under a toque I bought at Giant Tiger.
And she sorta stared at me while we said hello, and then commented about how my face had this energy about it. She said I just looked so happy and relaxed.
Now of course, the last time she saw me was during the Time Of No Sleep While Still Having To Work AKA the first year after Buddy was born when dying of exhaustion seemed like a reasonable alternative to making it through another sleepless day and night. And so I laughed about how amazing it is that 6 hours of sleep every night can change your life and make you feel like a person again.
All of which was true.
But what I didn’t talk about, because it’s not like she wanted the play by play of my life was how I ended up in this place where yes, I do feel happy.
So me, the Queen of the Rant, is actually just plain happy. I feel like amongst the busy days and tight schedule we are having a bit of a social life again. I feel motivated to make some changes to my work in anticipation of the kids starting school. Don’t get me wrong…things still piss me off and I have not time for other peoples shit, but I feel like life is settling down and little by little I can spend more time on things that I want, rather than only what everybody else needs.
This past weekend I had a conversation with someone that I’ve always had a lot of respect for. Someone that I have defended and stuck up for in the past, even when other peoples’ opinions (who’s opinions also matter to me) differed from mine. The conversation left me feeling frustrated, and offended and just plain mad. I stewed about it for a few days, and am still kinda mad about what was said.
But here’s the thing about assholes. They have a purpose greater than just spewing shit at you.
The conversation made me mad enough to realize that I have been selling myself short and accepting less than what I deserve. Not just in this particular situation, but in general. Before I had kids, I was a “jump and all in” kind of girl. But I think in the past five years of making and raising babies and just trying to get through each day, I started taking the easy road because that was survival. I got lazy because I was tired. And I think that’s normal while you have small kids at home.
So when I bumped into this woman that I hadn’t seen in two years, she was seeing the realization on my face that it was time for me to stop thinking about doing things, or wanting to do things and actually start fucking doing them. She was seeing me being able to leave the kids with their dad while I explored something for myself that I’ve been contemplating for about a year. She saw me feel excited about trying something new rather than being afraid to come out of my comfort zone.
It was the realization that I don’t need validation from other people in order to have a great life. I certainly don’t need the approval of someone who is insecure and unhappy and trying to project their shitty life onto mine. That’s what people do when they are unhappy. They figure if they can share their unhappiness with you, it will lessen their burden.
But if you refuse to accept someone elses burden of crap, you should be able to navigate the shit storm of life. The path to happiness is full of assholes, but they are easily dodged once you realize that’s all they are.