Take Your Parenting Mistakes And Your PhD And Shove Them.

by Cookie



I am seriously so sick of reading articles like this one.  “20 most common parenting mistakes”  or some other bullshit.

Give them choices…..but not too many.

Get them involved in sports/activities…..but not too many or they turn into a bully.

Don’t try and make them happy. What?

Don’t praise them, but also don’t critique them.


What irks me is that all the information out there conflicts with itself a thousand times over.  I just can’t even read any more of these parenting advice crap articles because you know what?

My kids act like total assholes anyway.

So take your PhD and shove it up your ass.  Live a moment in my shoes, any parent’s shoes and then decide if your answers are so clear.

The past two days in this house have been terrible.  I’m sick, Husband is sick and the kids have been devils.  But without the charm and perks that come with hanging out with a devil.  Constant whining, fighting, non-cooperation.  I have listened to so much screaming that I feel like I am about to explode.

Last night they were being so bad that I decided to start bathtime early, because it usually distracts them from their assholery.  But oh not today, Bitches.  Today they used it as an opportunity to beat on each other and torture me further.

Buddy somehow managed to pour water up his sisters nose or something which resulted in me having to pull her out so she could vomit not in the bathtub.  Then he started spitting water out everywhere and being generally disgusting so I pulled him out and marched him to his room.

And of course, he slipped on the wet floor when I went to close the door and cranked his head on the hardwood.

So I get him calmed down and get them settled back in the tub when the phone rings and I go to answer it.  But no.  Because then I hear bloodcurling screaming coming from the tub because Destroyer has purposely taken all his toys and is taunting him.

So I, being the HUMAN that I am finally lose my cool.

I yank her out and send her to her room.  And I’m SUPER DONE and angry so I slam her bedroom door.  ( She doesn’t get that from me I promise)  And one of her picture frames falls off the shelf and breaks.  Because that’s what I get for being an asshole back to the kids.  Which, by the way, wasn’t on that list of 20 mistakes so I guess I’m still technically a good parent.

So anyway, bedtime was about 90 minutes early yesterday because I could not cope with one more second of the circus.

And my point?  Part of my point was that I just needed to bitch because it was a hard day and I felt like a shit parent and then I came across that stupid article this morning on msn.  And my other point is that it didn’t fucking matter how many days a week we do gymnastics or whether I praise them too many times or not enough times or I let her choose which pants to wear too many times or anything else.

My point is that sometimes kids are just tired little assholes that need to go to bed early, and I don’t need to read another goddamn article about how it’s my fault or how I fucked them up.

So there.