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thoughts on life, parenting, news, and crazy shit

Month: March, 2016

How To Get The Best Out Of Your Employees (and your children):Don’t Be An Asshole

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The other day I re-shared a post on Facebook I wrote about supporting small business and how awesome the service is at establishments where the employees are vested in what they’re doing.

And I truly do believe that.  But whether you work at the biggest international company or the smallest corner shop the same thing is true:  Your employees will value their job if they feel valued you by you.  It really has to be a two way street.

Why?  Because at the heart of us, we are still human beings who need reassurance, encouragement, recognition and inspiration.  Those are the things that drive us more than money and power.

I can tell you that the best job I ever had paid me not even enough money to really live on.  And the things that made it so great were obviously not the long drive or non-existent benefits or the salary that was at the mercy of government grants.  The things that made it great were the environment.

I had the opportunity to learn something new everyday while becoming an expert at the things that I was particularly interested in.  The people who worked there took care of each other and truly worked as teammates. There were clear expectations that were consistent and fair, and senior staff were always available to answer questions and deal with situations that were beyond my own capabilities or knowledge.

I haven’t worked there for a long time, but I’ve always sworn that if I ever won the lottery, I would happily go back.  It was that good.

And since that perfect job, I have done quite a few things in a quite a few distinct areas.  From retail to biotech and back to the service industry and now self employment.  And in the end, no matter what the work was, the same rule applies:  If you treat your employees with respect and consistency and proper training, they will not only return the favour, but they will excel at whatever tasks you assign them. 

Now don’t get me wrong, there are a lot of lazy assholes out there who fucking ruin it for the rest of us.  And that is something every good manager needs to address without punishing the masses.

The more I look at it, the more I compare managing my students and my own kids to managing the staff in the workplace.  It’s ok to have high expectations, but ruling through threats and intimidation only goes so far.  It may work initially, but being a tyrannical asshole only works for so long before it loses all effectiveness.  Because after some time of dealing with someone who is in charge of you and also a real prick, mutiny will occur.

It’s almost like my kids figure that I’m going to give them shit all day anyway, so they might as well go ahead and do all the things I’m waiting on.   But when I remember to guide them with firm love and clear rules and rewards, and save the yelling for extreme backup, then it becomes much more effective.

So all the advice I can give to any manager is to pretend like you are dealing with a crowd of small children.  They get upset often, they are moody and difficult to please.  They are terrified that someone else is getting treated better than them and obsessed with fairness.And the only way to manage that (besides drinking heavily once the doors are closed…also a valid choice) is with extreme patience and consistency and just as much recognition of a job well done as there is negative reaction to things not done right. Don’t change the rules every week.  Say thank you when someone does more than is expected of them.  Laugh a lot.  Remember that employees will leave a job they love if there is a manager they hate.  Because the relationships we form are really the single most important factor in employee retention in my experience. And you should WANT to retain good people.  Who the fuck wants to spend a billion dollars training new people all the time?  It costs a shit ton of money and burns out your best staff.

When you make people believe that they are awesome, they can achieve great things.  It’s called inspiration.  It works a lot better than intimidation.

So.  Mangers of people and parents of tiny humans, what’s the take home message today?

Same as every other day.  Don’t be an asshole.  It gets you better results every.single.time.

I Want To Believe Victims, But The Court Needs To Believe The Facts

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Over the past couple of days I have been reading not only responses to my own article but comments about the Ghomeshi case and verdict in general.  I have also read through Lucy DeCoutere’s post verdict interviews and much criticism about the tactics used by Ghomeshi’s lawyer in court. So I’m still talking about this because the conversation is clearly not over.

In this case, and unfortunately in most cases of sexual assault where the accused is known to the complainant, the only evidence used in the prosecution is the witness’s accounts of the incident.  Therefore, I think it is unfortunately absolutely appropriate for the defense to go after said testimony and attempt to discredit the witnesses. How else is she supposed to defend the case?  Like it or not, we are supposed to have a system of innocent until proven guilty, and all defendants have a right to refute the charges and have a defense team argue their case for them.

We also cannot change the system to one where we automatically believe victims and assume guilt at all costs, because that would lead to victims on the other side; people being falsely accused by scorned men and women screaming rape when they are actually after revenge.

In this case in particular, how can we honestly believe that a woman doesn’t recall sending flowers and writing notes to a man who supposedly assaulted her?   And yes, it has been over 10 years and I’m not sure I would remember every single email I sent to someone either,  but something like a handwritten note with flowers is out of the ordinary enough that it would stand out in one’s mind.

And let’s be real.  These women did not have relationships with Ghomeshi that went past a couple of dates.  They had no reason to ever see or speak to him again. But they did.   They didn’t go to work the nest day and have to see him and convince themselves that whatever happened was a misunderstanding.  They, in my interpretation, actively pursued the man who supposedly assaulted them.  By sending provocative emails.  By sending suggestive notes that said “I love your hands“.  By sending blunt emails that said “I want to fuck your brains out.”

Unfortunately, no matter how they or anybody else try to justify that, if I am interpreting their behaviour as desire and pursuit, how is a man supposed to interpret that?  Women can’t say one thing and mean another and then assume a man can read her mind….because then no doesn’t mean no either.  It’s a total double standard.

We have been trying to promote  “No means NO”.  (And it should) .  We also accept that if a person is in a position where they are incapable of saying no  ( for example being a child, intellectually disabled, drunk, drugged, unconscious) that it also means consent is not given and an assault has occurred.

And if those things are true ( which they SHOULD be), then when does “I want to fuck your brains out”  translate to  ” You hurt me and I don’t like what you did and never touch me again”

I am sorry that these women feel shame. I want to believe them and any other woman who has been hurt.  Unfortunately I don’t know what actually happened behind closed doors.  He could be a total psycho for all we know.  But it is also possible that he is just a kinky guy who liked to fuck around with a lot of women with no strings attached.  It’s also possible that they pursued him a lot harder than he pursued them and then they got pissed off.

And like I said originally, women need to empower themselves.  Not wait for an imperfect system to rescue them.  Especially when “No means no”  and “I want to fuck your brains out”  seems to also means “no”. 

That’s not blame.  That’s not shame.  It’s learning how to protect yourself better in a system that clearly is not able to protect you.

All I can really say is that telling women to mean what they say and say what they mean is  NOT victim blaming.  It’s telling us to send clear messages.  It’s telling us to stop putting ourselves in situations where we get hurt repeatedly.  It’s telling us that it’s 2016, and your best chance of catching your assailant is to get help immediately.  Press charges, find your support system and don’t take any crap. Don’t wait ten years when your memory is foggy and you know that any decent defense lawyer is going to punch your testimony wide open. No one can blame a victim for being victimized, but you can learn to take your power back.

I don’t know if Ghomeshi is guilty or not.  But I do know that regardless of whether it is politically correct for me to say it or not, the women’s behaviour after the alleged incidents, and their lies and omissions in court made me it really hard for me to believe them.  Like it or not, their behaviour does matter, because if you are going to accuse a person of a terrible crime, you better have your facts straight.

I’m all for believing victims, but the court has an obligation to believe the facts.

 

 

So Jian Ghomeshi Got Acquitted, And The Judge Got It Right

For any of you who have been following the Jian Ghomeshi circus/trail, you will know that the judge delivered his verdict yesterday morning.  Ghomeshi was acquitted on all charges.

And I have to tell you, the judge absolutely got this one right.

Now I know the court of public opinion is going to disagree with me on this one, but I honestly don’t give a shit.  I spent a good deal of time reading through the court transcript yesterday, and there is no fucking way the judge could have in good faith come back with any other verdict.  I read the transcript because I wanted to read from the judge’s own words what he based his call on without the sensationalized media feed that leaves out important details and embellishes the ones that sell the story.  If you have a good 30 minutes, you can read it here.

Here’s the thing.  We will never know for sure what the true nature of Jian Ghomeshi’s relationships were with these women.  Was he a rough lover?  Was he a complete dick?  Was he the sort of man who used his celebrity, charm and good looks to manipulate women into doing things they weren’t comfortable in doing?  Quite possibly yes.  But I wasn’t there, and neither were you.

I don’t know if this man actually did what he was accused of or not. But I do know that convicting a man of a crime and sending him to jail for possibly the rest of his life ( The “overcome resistance-choking” charge carries a maximum sentence of life in prison) because a bunch of protestors are outside ripping off their shirts and freaking out is not a reasonable thing for a judge to do.

If you read the evidence presented, no matter how much the court of public opinion deemed him guilty the second he was charged, the judge absolutely did his job in upholding justice and the prosecution failed miserably to present an air tight case where we could believe the witnesses.  The whole case is based upon the credibility of the witnesses, and their credibility did not hold up.  They lied, they omitted, they plotted, and their stories did not hold up.  Period.

If Ghomeshi had been convicted, it would set a much scarier precedent in my opinion.  It would take away the presumption of innocence for anybody, and let’s face it.  The police get it wrong sometimes.  Witnesses lie.  People accuse each other of all sorts of horrible things that aren’t true  for their own gain or for revenge.

NOW.  Let’s get something straight.  I am a woman.  I don’t believe that any man has any right to put his hands on me in any way, sexual or otherwise that I don’t consent to.  This is not about victim blaming.  This is about a case that had insufficient evidence to convict the accused.

And let’s get something else straight.  I am not a victim of sexual assault.  I can’t understand what a woman ( or man for that matter) goes through after being assaulted.  But I also cannot imagine sending repeated emails to someone who beat me and sexually assaulted me and ask them to fuck me again.  I cannot imagine re-initiating contact with someone for months and years after the assault happened and try to flirt with them some more.  I get how trauma confuses you and you try to pretend to yourself that it was a misunderstanding.  And so you go to work the next day and smile at the person and try to keep the peace, because that’s what nice girls do, right?

And to me, that is the most important issue at hand.  Girls always trying to do what’s nice.  Trying not to piss anyone off or offend anyone.  FUCK.THAT.

So, yes.  Ghomeshi was acquitted.  Legally, the right thing for the judge to do.

But let’s not make this the Canadian O.J.  I don’t want to hear about how victims were failed in this case.  I don’t want to hear how this was a step back for women because he got off.

It was a step back for women because we continually accept less than we deserve.  It was a step back for women because we continue to allow men to have power over us because we feel bad when we fucking say NO.  Have you ever noticed that when a women says no to anything, it’s the start of a negotiation?  NO means fucking NO.

We are so worried that we might hurt someone’s feelings or that our steadfast opinion is going to piss someone off or that a guy won’t like us anymore because we don’t want to fuck him.  So we fuck him to make ourselves feel better and hope that he will love us.  And then he doesn’t, and so we try harder the next time.

Girls.  Stop it.  Determine your self worth and stop giving a fuck what other people think so much. Set a new precedent.

And no, putting Jian Ghomeshi in jail wasn’t going to fix all the wrongs that have been done to women since forever.  If anything, this trial should empower women to report crimes against them immediately.  To fight this male dominance shit with girl power.

And no, please don’t twist my words into saying that I am blaming the victims for what happened to them.  I am saying that in our society, women are victimized because the perpetrators know they can get away with it.  Because we don’t report it.  Because we aren’t clear with our desires and intentions.  If we take the circumstances from the Ghomeshi case and learn from them, we can be stronger and more victims would get their justice.  Don’t wait 10 years to find your voice.  You have one now.  You can do it.

So no.  I don’t think the judge got it wrong yesterday.   We’ve been getting it wrong since the beginning of time.  Change the culture.  Take your power back.  Sending Jian Ghomeshi to jail on insufficient evidence won’t do that for you.  Only you can.

 

Can You Take Time Away From Your Self Righteous Judgements And Just Pray For This Little Guy?

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Royal Canadian Mounted Police in Manitoba           This little guy is missing. Other than praying for him and his family just close your mouth.

 

 

Yesterday I came across one of those “please share” posts on Facebook.  A two year old boy went missing in rural Manitoba, and despite a huge search effort including dog teams and 300 volunteers, he is still missing.

The child was playing outside and then suddenly was gone.  Fucking gone. There weren’t any more specifics than that.

And you know what, Bitches?

People are such heartless pieces of shit.  Instead of simply offering their prayers or thoughts or good vibes or whatever they believe in, they are taking time out of their day to call the parents out.

Yes. You read that right.

The little boy is Aboriginal, so clearly his parents were negligent and this is all their fault.  How irresponsible of them to leave their child unattended.  How could they not watch him?

Or so many of the comments say.  What a bunch of self righteous assholes.

Last fall, I was at the mall play area with both kids.  I had the stroller for Buddy and Destroyer was on foot.  When it came time to leave I put Buddy in the stroller and told my Twee D it was time to go.  So obviously, she pitches a giant fit and ran away from me, into a store.

The store was one of those ones that was open on all sides, with no specific door in or out.  It happened to be a card and gift shop with four aisles and a bunch of fucking displays in the middle.  So as we pursued my Twee Destroyer, we got stuck because the stroller wouldn’t fit around one of the mid aisle displays.  I fucking hate those things.  Even more so now.

By the time I got the stroller turned around and went to catch her, she was literally gone.  Vanished into thin air.

Now some of you may have heard this story before.  I’m wondering…..did you think I was a shitty parent?  Irresponsible?  Not watching my kid?

The fact is that I was none of those things.  It just literally can happen in the blink of an eye. And by the way, I am not Aboriginal either so you can’t blame it on that.  I am white as snow and still managed to lose my kid in a shopping mall.

And the thing I remember most is this horrible feeling that someone had literally ripped my heart out of my chest and was sucking the air out of my lungs for those 30 minutes that she was lost.  A feeling like my whole reason for existing was in jeopardy.

And so when I read about a child going missing, regardless of the circumstances or their fucking race, all I can feel is empathy and sickness and sadness for the family and the child.  All I can do is beg God to return this baby to their mom.  And THEN, when I read ignorant comments from judgy know it all assholes who likely aren’t even parents themselves I just want to punch them in the vagina.

Get a grip people.  There is no such thing as a perfect parent.  And kids make it super hard to do things perfectly anyway.  They are always getting in the way of your perfect shit by accident and making you look bad. And since you can’t be perfect, can you at least be nice?  Have empathy?  Not be an asshole?  Because one day, it will be you who has something tragic happen, and you will need the support of your community without all the judgemental commentary.

Remember when  I asked you all to be nice humans yesterday?  You still have a shit ton of work to do.

Parking In A Handicapped Spot Is A Dick Move, But Hardly The Crime Of The Century.

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en.wikipedia.org

Yesterday I saw this video online of a woman who is clearly fit as a fiddle parking in a handicapped spot at Time Hortons.  So some guy decides to take a video of her asking her why she parked in the handicapped spot.

As he continues to hound her and taunt her, saying “What makes you so special” over and over again, she freaks out and starts swearing and yelling.  She ended her Swan Song by throwing an iced coffee at him and peeling off in her Jeep Cherokee.

C’mon man.

We ALL know what made her park in that handicapped spot.

The generation of teenagers and twenty-somethings are an entitled, lazy, spoiled bunch of fucking brats who believe that the rules apply to everyone except for them.  It’s not just her.  She just happened to be the one you caught on video.

And yes, her behaviour was deplorable.  Her use of language was almost as bad as mine and her temper tantrum was certainly not becoming.  But dude, you were acting like a huge dick too.

Sure, maybe say something to her.  Take a picture of her truck with the license plate number and send it to the parking authority if you want to teach her a lesson.  I’m just not sure that putting her face on social media with her license plate number was an appropriate use of technology.

I mean, she parked in a fucking handicapped spot, it’s not like she was beating a puppy to death or robbing the store.  Her actions were rude and selfish and indicative of the general attitude of people out there in a lot of cases, but I think that the media is a very powerful thing and there is no need to put her safety at risk…especially when you show identifying information.

Unfortunately for her, she was caught in a moment of anger, and thanks to the “videographer” this shit ass moment could define her for a long time.  The punishment doesn’t fit the crime.

Instead, we as parents should treat our kids to respect rules that are put in place to make things easier for people who generally have it harder than us.  We should teach our kids that having to walk a block or two is not the end of the world and that we should be thankful for having two working legs.  We should teach our kids what a real emergency is….and being late for school or work but still wanting your morning coffee doesn’t qualify or entitle you to take advantage of something set aside for people less fortunate than you.  And that includes parking in a fucking handicapped spot.

And we should also teach our kids that getting in someone’s face with a recording device and publishing them on social media is not an appropriate response either.  That we are all human beings capable of being better with the correct perspective and guidance.

Try to be a nice human today, Bitches.  For me.

Will I Ever Stop Being Tired?

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pixabay.com

I am so fucking tired today.

Have you ever slept in the same bed as two tiny humans?  Except they are so tiny anymore and I’m not exactly sure they’re human.  How is it that children are allowed to be awake half the night and then get up the next morning as if nothing happened?  And then you ask them what their problem was the night before and they have no idea what you’re talking about?

Ugh.  This co-sleeping thing is starting to super irritate me.  It’s not bad if Husband takes Destroyer and I take Buddy in different rooms.  But both of them in bed with me when Husband is on night shift is becoming the bane of my mommyhood.

We have a king size bed and yet all of a sudden small children turn into hairy little octopuses with extra long limbs to kick you and tickle you and pull your hair.  It quickly morphs into a twin size bed in the middle of the night and the blankets become too small to cover us.

Every imaginary problem from monsters to ailments to crying for no reason starts to manifest and we get to stay up ALL NIGHT LONG.

Maybe I should just put on some Lionel Richie and give into the party.

Maybe Lionel is the answer.  Maybe if I blast him loud enough and fight them with some new ammunition besides yelling and threats they will get the hint and go the fuck to sleep.  And stay asleep.  And not wake me up every 20 minutes.  And stop monitoring my every move.

If I dare to step one foot out of the bed to use the can in the middle of the night her little four year old sixth sense jolts her awake and I hear “where are you going” before I even get one step out the door.

What is this, grade school?   Do I need to ask permission to go to the fucking bathroom?

I feel like I will never ever ever stop being tired.  Ever.

Parents, is there a time where you stop being tired?

I Wish The Government Would Stop Making All My Parenting Decisions For Me.

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pixabay.com Call CFS! NO HELMET!

I was having a conversation with my cousin the other day and she was talking about how hard it is to coordinate the driving around of her children to their respective activities.

Her kids are 10, 8 and 3. Mid conversation she says ” And so we left Penelope (not her real name) home by herself to wait for one of her friend’s moms to come and pick her up while we drove the two boys to their thing.”

Wait a second.  Just one fucking second.

You left your 8 year old home alone while you get other shit done?

Apparently where she lives, there is no law giving a specific age where you can leave a child unattended.  It is a guideline that says “the age of maturity” which is up to the discretion of the parent.

Well Alle-fucking-luia, Alberta.

At least one province in this country has enough faith in the judgement of parents to decide something about their child’s welfare without intervening.

Here in Manitoba, a child has to be 12 to babysit a younger child, but cannot be legally left alone until they are 11. Doesn’t that seem just a little crazy?    EDIT:  After researching the laws more closely, a child in Manitoba can actually NOT be left alone until age 12  

The majority of provinces and territories do not limit the age at which a child can be left alone in their statutory rules. However, in two provinces (Manitoba and New Brunswick), the welfare Acts state that a parent cannot leave a child under the age of 12 unattended without making provision for adequate supervision.

So, at 11, they actually still cannot be responsible for themselves, but a year later they can be responsible for themselves AND a younger child. Dumb dumb dumb.

 

I understand that people just want to make sure that the welfare of a child comes first.  We want our kids to be safe.  We want them to not be targets of predators and perverts.  We don’t want them getting into trouble unsupervised.

But honestly, in my opinion the government is sticking its head into my business a little too much and not allowing me to teach my kids any independence, problem solving skills or responsibility.

Do you remember just one generation ago how we used to ride our bikes all over the neighbourhood?  You had to let your parents know where you were going, who you were with, and be back by dark.  You probably got a watch for your birthday so you knew what time to be home for dinner.

You got dirty, you got into fights and you solved your own problems because your mommy wasn’t there with one hand up your ass telling you what to do every second.  You learned to figure out how to build a fort or get down from a tree on your own because mommy wasn’t there playing with your and your friends.  Because she had other things to do like laundry and dinner and Days of Our Fucking Lives.  Because sometimes a mom was allowed to sit on the couch and watch trashy tv uninterrupted.

Nowadays, there are laws telling me when I can trust my own kid to walk home from school and hang out watching tv for an hour before I get home from work.  There are laws telling me that my kids has to be in a fucking carseat until Junior High. There are laws about wearing a helmet while riding a bike.  There are laws about how I am allowed to discipline my child.

And yes.  Yes, fanatical helicoptering parents out there.  YES I WANT MY CHILD TO BE SAFE.  And yes, I understand that these laws are put in place because a lot of parents seem to make poor decisions.

But I think that at some point, the government has to butt the fuck out of my house and allow me to make the best decisions for MY family.

I don’t want to have to worry that some stupid bitch is going to call CFS on me if I let my 10 year old go and play with his friends at the park without me.  Because in my opinion that is extreme and unnecessary.

I want my kids to be outside.  I want them to experience the joy of unstructured play.  I want them to learn to do things without me planning it for them.  I want them to learn how to negotiate terms of play and relationships without me directing them.  I want their best friend to be another child of their own age.  Not me.  Not their Dad.

And yes, I still want them to come to me when there is a problem they can’t solve.  I want them to know when I need to step in and when I don’t.  And to me, that is between me and my child, not me and my MLA or MP.

What do you think, Bitches?

1-800-Fat-Girl

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This morning I turned on my Facebook feed to find this post shared by one of my dearest friends:

“I am not sure why my post was removed from the moms group. But I feel all moms in fact ALL women need to take a stand on this. My 13 year old was grad shopping tonight and went into Julies in mapleview mall. The woman took one look at my beautiful daughter and said I don’t think we carry your size. Now for anyone who doesnt know her she is not a 0 but is certainly not huge. Not that that matters!! Then she said “perhaps you should think about going on a diet before grad!!!!” And we wonder why women have body issues. Can you imagine men saying that to each other.”

She had shared a post made by a friend of hers.

I can’t tell you how furious this makes me.  And how furious it should make every single woman out there, and how every single mother of a daughter out there should feel completely outraged by this.

And no, I am not saying that you should all storm the store mentioned in the post.  But we, as the consumer have the power to not tolerate this sort of behavior and culture any longer. By not buying magazines aimed at teenagers that tell them how to lose weight, or get beach ready.  By not supporting stores that sell inappropriate clothing for young girls that sexualize them at a young age. By not talking about other peoples bodies in a negative way ever.

When I was seventeen, I went on a very drastic diet and exercise routine.  I lost 80 pounds in about 3 or 4 months.  Lets face it, I starved.  I worked out and I starved and I counted every single calorie that even came near me.  I wouldn’t eat anything that came into contact with oil, became a vegetarian and starved. And sure, everyone thought I looked just great.  Because I did.  I felt good, because I was no longer the ugly duckling.  But I also felt like shit.  Because I was fucking starving. All.The Time.

And I felt like shit because a guy I liked when I was fat suddenly asked me out, because then I was good enough for him.  So the starving must have been worth it right? Except it was the lamest date I ever went on.

And then came the school fashion show.  And despite the fact that I was still starving, the woman from one of the stores featured in the show was very vocal about her disapproval of me being one of the models.  I was too short.  Too fat.  My boobs were too big.  And when she finally found me something to wear in the show, it was some baggy, frumpy thing that was geared towards a middle aged woman, while all the other girls were dressed in cute young outfits that showed off their perfect bodies.

I can’t even tell you how much that experience affected me.  Obviously, I remember it 20 years later.  All I could think was that no matter how much I starved, and how much I tried, I would always be the fat girl.  That woman in the store had my number, and it was 1-800-fat-girl.

To this day, I have to get up in the morning and make a conscious decision to be kind to myself.  Two babies and many extra pounds into adulthood, I have to try and love myself and the body I have for the miracles it has performed.  I have to try and remind myself that I am a PHAT girl.  Not a fat girl.

And no, it wasn’t just the woman from the store that shaped my negative self talk and struggle with food.  It was a million things.

So mothers.  I am going to tell you what your daughter needs you to do in order for her to love herself and find her self worth in something else beside her pant size:

  1. Never, ever, EVER, make a reference to your weight in front of her.  Don’t put that kind of shame on her radar.
  2. Talk about food being full of nutrition and vitamins. Not calories.
  3. Talk about eating well to be strong.
  4. Talk about exercise to be strong.
  5. Watch videos of  Rhonda Rousey and Clara Hughes and Buffy The Fucking Vampire Slayer so that your daughter grows up wanting to kick ass instead of being a piece of ass.
  6. And if anyone dare talk to your daughter the way the woman in the store talked to that 13 year old girl, you put a stop to that shit right then and there.  You get rude, and angry and in that bitch’s face. You speak to a manger and the owner and you raise hell.

Because NO GIRL EVER deserves to feel like her body is for someone else to judge.  NO 13 YEAR OLD GIRL should ever know what it’s like to feel ugly or fat or ashamed of her body.

Girl Power.  Fucking Seriously.

Should We Have the Right To Choose The Moment Of Our Death?

The_death

commons.wikimedia.org

This week in Manitoba, a patient was granted the right to have a physician assisted death. You can read the article here if you want all the details, but as you can imagine, the person is terminally ill and in a great deal of pain.

The Canadian Federal Government has already ruled that Canadians should have access to physician assisted death (suicide) in such cases and the legislation is currently being drafted.

Still, it is a topic for MUCH debate, and as opinionated as I am, this one has me conflicted.

The greatest single factor in shaping my feelings towards the issue is one of faith. My first thought is about fear.  We are generally so afraid to die, and our loved ones are so afraid to let us go that we have become obsessed with preserving life at all costs.  And to me, that’s because we have lost our faith about life after death.  Us humans have become so arrogant in our earthly lives that we no longer believe there is anything greater out there.  So to me, when a patient has decided that they can no longer endure the pain of this earthly existence, it is time for us to let them go, because they know that there is something better waiting for them and are no longer afraid.  They have made their peace, and so should we.

On the other hand, it is pretty clear that we are not supposed to kill others or ourselves.  Is it up to us to decide when life ends?  Is it our job to kill what God has created?  Will we be punished for our decision, regardless of the fact that it was made out of love and respect and compassion?  Is sin ambiguous like that?   Is it the intent behind an action that determines if it really is a sin? Or is it the action itself?

And of course, there is the legal and mundane risks associated with allowing assisted death.  How do you determine if someone has the right to die?  Will there be a clear set of criteria?  A checklist?  In the case that a patient has become so ill they can no longer make decisions for themselves, can a relative decide that it is their time?

I can only conclude this:

Nobody will ever be able to determine how they will feel in a desperate situation until they are in it.  Sure.  We all think we know how we feel about topics such as this until we are truly having to make that decision.  A final decision.

I like to think that I would be strong, and tough it out to the end so that I could spend as many meaningful last moments with the ones I love as possible.  But I would never ever want to drag it out to the point where they are overcome with grief and uncertainty and the quality of their lives is non existent.  Love doesn’t look like that.

Does it?

We allow our pets to be put down to ease their suffering, and I think the hardest part of that is not knowing when it is time to do so.  When I lost one of my pups last year, I didn’t just grieve for her passing, but I struggled really hard with wondering if I had made the decision because I didn’t love her enough to continue to care for her.  I gave myself a real hard time about that.

And I know that people are not the same as pets. Ok?  But it makes me think that as long as the patient is the one making the decision, it will help the loved ones to know that they didn’t sell them short, or abandon them, or whatever.

So.  Should people be allowed the right to die?

Yes.  As a society I believe we should.

And as a human and a Christian, I believe that the moral ramifications of that is gonna have to be between me and God.  It’s not like you’re going to pray for a lightning bolt to strike you down.  God works his will through people, so maybe this is no different.

What do you think?

 

 

Getting Drunk On A Monday Night With Jesus And Some Lime Green Underpants

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Do you remember that time, Bitches, when you didn’t have adult responsibilities or children or any other early morning commitments?  When you got randomly drunk on  Monday night and it wouldn’t matter?

I have this friend, (who we won’t call Cookie because it’s most certainly NOT her name), who decided to have a mini Bachelor Finale party on a Monday night.  She figured a couple girl friends would come over and they’d pig out and watch Ben Higgins cry for the one millionth time and call it a night.

And then her pal shows up in a sweatsuit onesie with a bottle of wine in her hand and some crazy looking Jesus lookalike motherfucker who was supposedly her husband.  And the next friend showed up with a bottle of sweet bubbly wine with her titties hanging out of her tank top and next things you know, everyone is drunk in the kitchen before they even start the show.

And as far as parties go, it was pretty mild.  The Jesus lookalike had the kids dancing and sing some crazy Star Wars song and somehow inspired the Destroyer to want to practice her violin at 8:30 at night.  He might not have been Jesus for real, but he performed a small miracle. Husband had the hockey game on and dutifully tolerated the chaos I had created in his house.  Only one pair of underpants were flashed and they weren’t even mine.

Anyway, everything was fine until Ben Higgins chose the wrong fucking girl.  HOW?  Worst move ever.

The other thing that happened was that it became Tuesday somehow. And that’s the real shitter.  Seriously.  Before I had to adult during the day, or parent, or be any sort of useful member of society, who cares if I got randomly drunk on a Monday night?

Well this bitch cares today.  My body is broken.  My brain is fuzzy and I feel mildly dizzy.  I have this uncontrollable urge to eat greasy food combined with the sudden urge to vomit.  It’s kinda like morning sickness but instead of blaming a baby, I have no one to blame but myself.  And the friend in the sweatpants onesie and lime green underpants.

And I think back to when I was in my twenties, when I would kill a bottle of wine before even going out at night and wonder how the hell did I survive?

I tell you one thing, I am going to buy my liver a present.  For hanging in there all these years.

And next week, I’m not getting drunk on a Monday night.

 

AfterOtis

Written by Natalie Louise Oldham.

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