Happy We’re Not Divorced Day!
I used to look at all the couples I knew that were getting divorced, or even all of the families I teach that are separated and wonder how come they didn’t work harder to stay together since they had children. I figured that the kids were the one thing that could hold them together, right?
That was before I had children of my own. When I was a know it all asshole.
Do you ever notice that? How people who don’t have children know all the things about raising them and have all the solutions to all of your problems?
After having two kids of my own, I actually wonder how the hell everybody with kids isn’t fucking divorced. Seriously.
I look back to how much time Husband and I spent together before kids, and the amount it has changed is really astronomical. We used to go out for dinner all the time, or have friends over. We’d go to the lake and spend more money on rum than we did on food and just fish and drink and get sunburned. We worked, we payed our bills, and we played. A lot.
I miss those times when it was so easy to just make a dinner reservation and leave. Now, it’s a real production. First, let’s check our crazy rotating work schedules? Are we both off? Do we have to get up early the next day? Can we find a babysitter? Do we have the energy?
Right now while the kids are small, it seems like we are just trading off childcare duties. Having all four of us together is even a once a week phenomonon it seems. Even if we’re both off, one of us is going in one direction with one kid, or running this errand, or somebody is sick and so on and so forth.
Kids are amazing. There is nothing I would change about having had children. But having children is the single most stressful, life changing event in your life. It changes you. It changes your lifestyle. It changes your circumstance, your financial situation and your values. And when I really think about it, in this day and age of “toss it out and get a new one” for a couple to survive these years and still want to be together is a goddamn miracle.
So if I could talk to my former know it all judgy self, I would tell her to shut the fuck up about shit she knows nothing about.
Maintaining any relationship without being able to give it the attention it deserves is hard. Especially when you are having to sacrifice it for two lives that you created together.
So Husband, as we come out the other side of two months of being sick on and off, and hardly seeing each other other than to say “I’m leaving for work now” or “goodnight”, Happy We’re Not Divorced Day. Congratulations to US for getting through the baby years, and not killing each other.
Now let’s go out and get drunk.