Will I Ever Stop Being Tired?

by Cookie

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I am so fucking tired today.

Have you ever slept in the same bed as two tiny humans?  Except they are so tiny anymore and I’m not exactly sure they’re human.  How is it that children are allowed to be awake half the night and then get up the next morning as if nothing happened?  And then you ask them what their problem was the night before and they have no idea what you’re talking about?

Ugh.  This co-sleeping thing is starting to super irritate me.  It’s not bad if Husband takes Destroyer and I take Buddy in different rooms.  But both of them in bed with me when Husband is on night shift is becoming the bane of my mommyhood.

We have a king size bed and yet all of a sudden small children turn into hairy little octopuses with extra long limbs to kick you and tickle you and pull your hair.  It quickly morphs into a twin size bed in the middle of the night and the blankets become too small to cover us.

Every imaginary problem from monsters to ailments to crying for no reason starts to manifest and we get to stay up ALL NIGHT LONG.

Maybe I should just put on some Lionel Richie and give into the party.

Maybe Lionel is the answer.  Maybe if I blast him loud enough and fight them with some new ammunition besides yelling and threats they will get the hint and go the fuck to sleep.  And stay asleep.  And not wake me up every 20 minutes.  And stop monitoring my every move.

If I dare to step one foot out of the bed to use the can in the middle of the night her little four year old sixth sense jolts her awake and I hear “where are you going” before I even get one step out the door.

What is this, grade school?   Do I need to ask permission to go to the fucking bathroom?

I feel like I will never ever ever stop being tired.  Ever.

Parents, is there a time where you stop being tired?

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