So not that I plan on dying anytime soon, but I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how the days seem to drag on, but the months fly by. And then I think that my Twee Destroyer isn’t so Twee anymore. Almost five years have passed since I grew that beautiful little devil and brought her wrath upon the Earth. Her wrath of charm and beauty and door slamming tantrums and the ability to maintain adorableness through ever second of it.
And I also thought how us grownups are slowly but surely starting to gain a little more freedom as the kids get older, at least in the sense that I can hire babysitters more often and feel ok about it. They looooove babysitters.
And so do I.
Sometimes I feel bad about going out without them after we already spend so much time working, but you know what?
I’m starting to get over that. What I’ve realized is that the first 5 years of a child’s life are the most trying thing you will ever go through. It is physically, emotionally and mentally exhausting. Everything about me is tired. I have one hair on my head that is so fucking tired that it can’t even stay brown. One hair that just says “fuck it” every couple of days and turns silver.
It is also infinitely rewarding to see little bits of your influence and guidance sneak out of your babies when you least expect it. The word “fuck” notwithstanding. Somehow, by the grace of all things holy, my kids don’t swear. Yet. But when they do go to school, at least they’ll be able to use those words in proper context.
Anyway, I kinda feel like the first 5 years are like baby bootcamp. Or like Basic Training in the army. You spend 5 years deep in the trenches of shit with the purpose of wearing you down and making you capable of handling anything that comes your way in the later years. You keep thinking “If I was able to do that on 4 hours of sleep per week, I can handle anything.” And maybe I will and maybe I won’t, but at least I’ll be sleeping better. There’s that.
So maybe I’m just foolish, but I’ve been making a bit of a bucket list of things I want to accomplish for myself, once my offspring are safely in the care of a teacher, 5 days a week, 6 hours a day. 6 hours! Every single day! That’s almost how long it took me just to get Destroyer dressed yesterday! What will I do with 6 hours every single day?
I have a few years to plan still, but here is my list:
- Run a 10k. For reals, just to say I fucking did it. I feel like this is a goal I can accomplish in the next year. I’ve always wanted to do this. Also, good preparation for zombie apocalypse. Cardio.
- Get back in the saddle. Literally. I used to ride horses 2 times a week in my late teens/early twenties. I miss it so much.
- Finally learn to play piano for real. With actual practice. Without interruptions.
- Watch Dr.Phil everyday. Because trash tv is my vice of choice. After tequila. And wine. Ok, it’s #3, but still important.
- Go on a hunting or fishing trip. Kill the things, eat the meat. Beat my chest and drink beer with the boys.
- Go to New York City. Without my children. Grandma??
- Take a course. Something totally different from what I do now. Maybe switch careers, maybe just learn to do something new. My brain needs stimulation!
- Drive the West Coast from Vancouver to San Francisco. Because, wine country!
- Have a date night with my hubby every single week. Every week, because think of it like back pay for the first five years. Right?
- Nothing. Do absolutely nothing but sit in bed and watch movies. Eat junk food. Order a pizza. Sweat pants. The best ever.
So, Bitches? Do you ever fantasize about what you’ll you once your kids go to school? Is this all just wishful thinking?
How did life change for you after the first 5 years?
Tell me your things, send me your lists!