Underpants Are Bad For your Health

by Cookie

Oh Bitches.  You know me, I looooooove a little vagina talk first thing in the morning.  And this morning, msn.com came through for me with this little gem.

Ever wonder about wearing underpants to bed?  Apparently it’s bad for you.  Especially if you’re a boy.

Ok.  I know, not really vagina talk.  It’s penis talk.  But you need to know that wearing underpants at night overheats your junk and affect the little swimmers in there trying to come out and become tiny humans.

Anyway.  I actually really hate underwear.   I hate them even more after having children because they never seem to sit right.  Either too tight, or they roll down my tummy.  Too skimpy in the front and I have a hard time feeling sexy in them because mummy fucking tummy.  I guess I could Bridget Jones myself into a pair of ginormous old lady panties but I feel like they are always crawling up my ass in the back.

Sigh.

I tip my hat to the inventor of yoga pants because underwear feels completely unnecessary in them.  And I also tip my hat to summer if it ever fucking gets here so that I can just wear a bating suit underneath a sundress and skip the gitch all together.

I mean, what is the actual point of underpants anyway? Is is supposed to be a barrier between the seam of your pants and your cooter?  Boys don’t have cooters. Does it hurt your balls to rub against your pants?  What’s the difference between underpants and regular pants?  It’s stupid.

I am going to start a movement. The No-Underpants movement.  The Bitches For Commando Evo-fucking-lution.  Sorry Victoria’s Secret.  The Secret is that I hate you, and the jig is up. It’s better this way.

Who’s in?

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