Underpants Are Bad For your Health
by Cookie
Oh Bitches. You know me, I looooooove a little vagina talk first thing in the morning. And this morning, msn.com came through for me with this little gem.
Ever wonder about wearing underpants to bed? Apparently it’s bad for you. Especially if you’re a boy.
Ok. I know, not really vagina talk. It’s penis talk. But you need to know that wearing underpants at night overheats your junk and affect the little swimmers in there trying to come out and become tiny humans.
Anyway. I actually really hate underwear. I hate them even more after having children because they never seem to sit right. Either too tight, or they roll down my tummy. Too skimpy in the front and I have a hard time feeling sexy in them because mummy fucking tummy. I guess I could Bridget Jones myself into a pair of ginormous old lady panties but I feel like they are always crawling up my ass in the back.
Sigh.
I tip my hat to the inventor of yoga pants because underwear feels completely unnecessary in them. And I also tip my hat to summer if it ever fucking gets here so that I can just wear a bating suit underneath a sundress and skip the gitch all together.
I mean, what is the actual point of underpants anyway? Is is supposed to be a barrier between the seam of your pants and your cooter? Boys don’t have cooters. Does it hurt your balls to rub against your pants? What’s the difference between underpants and regular pants? It’s stupid.
I am going to start a movement. The No-Underpants movement. The Bitches For Commando Evo-fucking-lution. Sorry Victoria’s Secret. The Secret is that I hate you, and the jig is up. It’s better this way.
Who’s in?
The only time I can usually go without is when I’m lounging around the house, or I’m sleeping. I’ve actually never attempted the commando in public thing. However, I am quite pissed that fucking panties have to cost so damn much! I just spent about $10 a pair on some that said they “eliminate muffin top”. That fucker’s still there. I’m suing for false advertising.
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Fuck muffin top. For Realsies
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I think mine is more of a honey bun. hahaha
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Why aren’t there underpants out there that deal with muffin top but are still kinda nice? Can’t we have something in between anal floss and Bridget Jones?
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I actually like the Warner’s, but they can be pricey.
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If you’ve ever seen a guy with his “boys” caught in his fly you will understand the value of underwear… One tiny snag will turn the bravest Commando into a squealing baby pig in .005 seconds… And then it has to get unzipped.
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oi.
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If it weren’t for underwear I’d have 3 kids running around the house naked all summer, and nobody needs that.
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lol. I’m constantly telling my kids to put their vagina/weiner away.
Too many genitals. Seriously. Children.
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I sleep nude and of course do not wear underpants when wearing my kilt
in fact, I don’t own any underpants – what I do have is several pair of comfortable, loose fitting, pyjama ‘shorts’ which I wear as shorts in the park or garden when the summer’s here or as substitute underpants – to keep my junk safe from pesky zippers – when I have to wear trousers
[you should try it – very comfortable, and you don’t have to worry about visible panty line] 😆
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The Scots FTW AGAIN!
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I don’t always wear undies to bed but during the day, I HAVE TO!! I tried thongs and HELL NO! 🙂
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It’s usually the only kind I can tolerate. The full bum undies always ride up.
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I used to be a no underwear sleeper until we got flipping worms from pre-school and they say one way to stop the bazillion eggs from going EVERYWHERE is to wear underwear at night. So I think this is our world until we get through the early years. Ugh
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PS where do you find these pictures? This one is particularly hilarious.
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Creative Commons. And then I also don’t have to worry about somebody suing me for copyright infringement. Not that I have any money to give them anyway, lol.
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You just gave me vagina nightmares for life.
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I’m a no underwear-sleeper unless I can’t (for obvious reasons). But shit: how can a dude sleep without? Since nursing 2 kids, I cannot NOT sleep without a bra. This means I wear them all the time unless I’m bathing or changing. Why? Because I roll over on top of my own tits in the night otherwise. Surely this sort of thing would happen to most reasonably-endowed men?
Shit. You’d think at 42 I would know about this stuff.
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I feel like underpants would increase this problem for boys. I dunno. Penises are weird.
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Agreed. I would hate to have one of those things.
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It’s a thong for me always. I never freeball.
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Love the pair you have on
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I wear a thong so I have no muffin top!
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