To The Moms Judging Other Moms: Just Stop
So the other day a lighthearted Facebook post actually found a way to irritate me. A girl I know had posted about a bunch of bratty kids in a restaurant where she worked whose parents were allowing them to build forts out of high chairs and run free in the dining room. And the restaurant was not McDonalds.
So I say: “Haven’t they ever heard of an Ipad, lol?” Because who the fuck wants to spend an evening out for dinner nagging and disciplining and making the lives of the wait staff hell just to prove a fucking point?
So anyway, some self righteous woman pipes up and immediately does the mom-shame thing telling us all how Ipads are NOT the answer, she was never allowed electronics at the dinner table, we are teaching our kids not to interact with us and how unacceptable it is and to to therefore, basically bow down and kiss her perfect yoga pants mom ass.
Seriously? I kept my responses to a minimum, because not my forum. But THIS IS my forum, and that chick can seriously suck it.
I am so sick of all these judgy know it all mom types. Can you please just do me a favour and fucking shut up already? The problem with shit like this is that people like to get behind their keyboard and talk to people like they know something about them.
First of all, the original post was banter and joking around. It was a bunch of servers bitching about stupid customers who make their lives difficult by allowing their kids to act like dicks in a restaurant. So find another soapbox.
Second, before you open your fat mouth, recognize that you actually know nothing about me or our situation. Just because your family has traditions or certain rules in the house doesn’t mean that they have to apply to everyone. Seriously good for you that mealtime as a family is sacred and that’s how you connect. For some of us though, we don’t have that luxury. The nature of mine and my husband’s work means that we work through the dinner hour almost always. We find other times and ways to connect as a family.
And I will be damned if I let my kids act like dicks in a restaurant because I want to adhere to some fucking apparation of being a perfect screen free family. That is such bullshit. We all make decisions that we feel are necessary to make our kids turn out to be non-assholes. And sometimes, it is ok to say to myself “Go ahead. Bring the candy out. Bring the toy out. Find a way to get the desirable behaviour out of my kid so that I can enjoy this time in public. Find a way to get the behaviour I want so that the people around me can enjoy themselves without having tho listen to my ill behaved child. “
And really, the point is to stop judging other moms. I really feel like it is just a woman’s way of justifying her choices to herself. Being a parent is such hard fucking work, and we constantly question whether or not we are doing the right thing. We question if we are enough for our kids. If we do enough. See enough. Spend enough time. Teach enough. We want to know somehow that the things we choose to value and enforce with our children are worth all the trouble.
But the thing is that trying to convince another mom that she is fucking it up serves no purpose other than to either start a fight or make someone else feel like shit. It doesn’t help her become a better parent any more than it proves that you are doing awesome. Which you probably are. But awesome in your house looks different than it does in mine. NO amount of tearing down another woman is going to make it any easier for you. Or her.
So cut the shit. Stop acting like you know everything and do everything perfectly and your shit don’t stink because you do this or don’t do that or you eat organic goats and only wear clothes hand woven by monks. Stop pretending that you’ve never bribed your kids. Stop pretending like you’ve never sat down and cried at the end of the day because you are convinced you are the shittiest mom ever and don’t know what you’re doing.