What I Learned At Gymnastics On Wednesday
by Cookie
Yesterday morning was one of our gymnastics days. It’s my least favourite of the two we go to because in order for Buddy to participate, so do I.
I mean, it’s okay, but it’s really nice to take Destroyer on Thursdays, and watch from the observation room with all the other parents and drink coffee and be grownups.
Anyway, I don’t have to do ALL the things. For instance, nobody is gonna help me start hanging off the bars or jumping over the vault. But we play the games, sometimes I walk on the beam just to entice my kids to not be assholes and participate properly.
It’s a class for 1-4 year olds, so as you can imagine, some days the kids are squirrely and not much structure happens. On those days, there is a lot more free time and the kids can play on whatever apparatus floats their boat.
So, yesterday Destroyer chose to bounce on the Tumbletrak. What is this, you ask? It’s like a super long trampoline with a giant mat at the end. The idea is that the gymnasts run or tumble down it and land in the soft goodness of the mat. Since she is only four, she runs down the bouncy part at full speed and does a flip at the end.
“Mommy, mommy! Now YOU do one!”
Sweet Jesus and all things holy. Did my 4 year old just challenge me to a duel?
Seeing as I was feeling all terrific in my super stretchy new jeggings that actually look like jeans, not leggings, but have all the comfort of leggings, I thought why not?
So I get up on that goddamn tumbletrak and run down hard, jump at the end and do a flip, landing in the giant soft goodness of the mat at the end.
Not bad for a slightly ample 38 year old mother who’s main source of activity is chasing dogs and small children away from traffic, right?
Right.
Except for the horrible disorientating vertigo that occurred while in mid air. I felt like I was in outer space and didn’t know which way was up or down for a few minutes. It shortly settled into a very unsteady gait and mild dizzy feeling that lasted for a few hours. Which then triggered a delightful anxiety attack about my possible brain injury that lasted most of the day.
The only brain injury that actually occurred was prior to my antics. The one that helped me make the decision to act like a four year old to begin with.
How is there not puke all over the gym all the time?
I guess that horrible feeling of near death only happens when you are an old hag like me. Trying to do an actual gymnastics move. Trying to believe my new pants gave me some sort of youthful superpower.
Seriously, Bitches, don’t do flips on trampolines after the age of 30. Nothing fun happens on a trampoline after 30.
Just don’t.
Thank you for the wonderful laugh this morning! This reminds me of the time I went tobogganing with the kids at our little in town hill. They had built a ramp of snow to jump their crazy carpet bottom foamy sleds over and they made it look like so much fun I decided to try it.
About five feet before impact I realized it was probably going to end badly… I ended up being offered tissues by an eight year old child who was smart enough to have them in her pocket so I could stop the blood gushing from my face after I smacked it into much harder than it looked snow. Good thing my hubby was away at work or he may have been accused of wife beating… I was messed up! Yup, 30 is not 12.
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Lol…yohr poor face!
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😂😁😁😁😁
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Oops. Stupid iPhone. I was actually going to say we have a trampoline in our backyard. I’ve been afraid to jump on it too vigorously, as after 2 pregnancies I find that tee-tee comes out way too easily upon landing, if you get my drift.
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Ha I was only thinking yesterday how there is no way I can manage cartwheels and handstands and flips off monkey bars anymore. Those days are OVER. At least you didn’t pee yourself in the process of it all. Three cheers for your post birth x2 pelvic floor!
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hahaha. I’m 38 and just did a flip on a fucking trampoline without pissing myself. I guess that means I’m in line to rule the world!
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LOL….your post be having me crack up, LOL. :).
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