Fishing Was A Lot More Fun B.C.

by Cookie

Have you ever tried to go fishing with two pre-schoolers?  It is seriously annoying.  Adorable at first, then totally, completely, fucking annoying.

B.C.-(Before Children, not Christ)  I was an avid  fisher woman.  I had a little sportsman canoe that I pretty much spent my entire summer in every year since I was about 8. Alone or with my lake bestie for years and years.  I learned to love the peace and tranquility.  I loved sitting there and waiting for a bird or a beaver to go by.

Sometimes we liked to crank Snow  (the rapper, not the weather condition) from our ghetto blaster and think we were the coolest fucking thing since the beginning of ever.

Once I got older and Husband was in the picture, I taught him to fish too.  He didn’t like my canoe very much, so we started using a proper fishing boat instead. He said he knew I was the woman for him when he saw me in a baseball cap, fishing rod in one hand, beer in the other, cigarette hanging out of my mouth and driving a boat.  ( There’s a statute of limitations about drinking while driving a boat right?)

Anyway, it was our thing.  We fished ALL the time.  We endured stupid dogs who jumped out of the boat to chase lures, shitty weather and hours of getting skunked.  But we didn’t care.  It was magic.

So, after 5 years of making babies and various other obstacles to getting the boat on the water, it was time to get out there.

Enter:  The Children.

The Twee Destroyer was so excited to go fishing.  We had bought her her own fishing rod last year and it never got used.  I *may* have almost lost the motor off the back of the boat on its maiden voyage and kinda fucked it up.  There also was a super long wait list at the boat fixing place so it never got back out there.

So she got up at 5 am to tell us repeatedly how excited she was to go fishing.

Keep in mind the boat has been sitting up the back of the cabin for 6 years now and let’s just say it took Husband a few hours to clean it up enough and get it ready for launch.

So, have you ever fished with an almost 5 year old and a 3 year old?

Don’t bother.

Or bring ear plugs.

Buddy lasted about 45 seconds.  And then sang us his favourite song for the next hour.  It’s called “I Wanna Go Home”.  Sometimes, just to mix it up he threw in “I’m Thirsty”  and an “I Want Something”.

Little D lasted a bit longer.  She might have actually held the fishing rod for a total of 10 minutes or so.  Unfortunately for her, her line didn’t spend much time in the water.  She kept reeling it in and bitching that there was no fish on the end.

You know that fish live in the water, not in the air, right honey?

And then it happened.

I caught a nice big jack.

And OH BOY was she pissed.

“How only Mommy catches the fish?”

‘You sound like your father, B.C.’

“BUT I WANNA CATCH THE FISH!”

‘Then you’re gonna have to put your line in the water.’

And God help us all when  we released the fish back into the water.  She wanted to keep the head.  Like a trophy I suppose.  Is that weird?  Not really, right?  RIGHT?

After a 5 am wake up and a full day in the sun and on the water, there was no recovery from this bullshit.  The rest of the trip was nothing but a whine-a-thon.

So my advice is this:

Bring a lot of snacks.  And don’t plan on actually catching any fish if you bring your tiny  humans.

Also, wine.

Yup.  Fishing was a lot more relaxing BC.

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