A good friend of mine posted a little video about mom guilt on Facebook this morning. A bunch of mom’s talking about the things they could take back from the day, lies they told their kids, things they wish they hadn’t said.
And here I thought I invented Mom Guilt. Turns out that deep down, a lot of you Bitches feel like you suck balls at this gig too.
I suffer from this guilt thing a lot. Husband works long days, and by the end of his rotation I usually feel ready to either sell my children to anyone who likes repeating themselves over and over again with no results, or literally filling the bathtub up with tequila in hopes that is a pleasant way for me to drown.
In this stupid day and age of being hopelessly busy and being pulled in 5000 directions at once, I simply cannot deal with the amount of time it takes my children to accomplish one task. Why is it SO HARD to put your fucking shoes on? Why is that always the wrong hat? Why can they not pay attention for long enough to put on their jacket and for GOD”S SAKE how come nobody can stand straight and face me when I try to zip it up?
Sometimes I cannot handle the random crying and drama that occurs seemingly every second without justification. The fights about nothing. The tattle-taling. The whining. The constant needing. The mess making.
The pants shitting.
And so I do what every mother out there has done for generations.
I yell. I threaten. I punish.
Besides feeling horrible and making them feel horrible, that is. I also get one step closer to needing therapy and detox and a new liver. But that’s a whole other post.
And then I put them to bed and think “Tomorrow is a new day. A better day. I will be more patient and try to spend more time just hanging out with them. All they really want is more attention. I can do this.”
And then, the next day happens and I am so busy feeding them and cleaning up after them and doing laundry and working that time runs out again and I left with the mom guilt for another day. I never, ever, ever, feel like it’s enough. Like I’m enough.
Thankfully, every now and again, we have a day where everything goes just right. I put all my bullshit aside and focus just on them. I say “yes” more often. I let the schedule go. I let the dishes sit. I make all the things that are usually such a big ass deal no big deal, and just fucking let it stay where it is. We stay up past bedtime. We get dirty and eat junk food and just never mind about all the things that really aren’t that important after all.
And it’s all ok. Everybody is still alive the next day.
And then I feel guilty that I don’t do all that more often.
But you see Bitches. Mom guilt is just this thing that happens when you love something so much that you set up this impossible standard for yourself. It’s when you love something so much you can’t possibly ever do enough because there is no action that could ever possibly declare just how much you actually love it.
We will always have mom guilt because we won’t ever be done trying to give our children every single thing they need to be nice humans and smart humans and happy humans. We have the mom guilt because even though children need to be corrected, and moms are allowed to get frustrated, we don’t want our kids to ever for one second think we aren’t on their side.
We feel guilt because we want more for them than is possible to give. So we never feel like it’s enough.
So, chin up Bitches. Tell a few lies that helps to avoid a temper tantrum. Yell at them when they are assholes, because sometimes love involves teaching them that being an asshole is not a desirable endeavour. Drink the wine and vow to love them JUST AS MUCH TOMOROW as you do today. Not more, because that’s hardly possible.
And have a “free day” sometimes where you just lower your expectations and give yourselves a goddamn break.