I’m not going to lie, Bitches.
I had a really rough weekend with the kids where they pushed me to the very edge of my limitations of patience and grace. I had more than one of those “I’m done” moments and quite frankly found it really hard to feel grateful or thankful for anything.
I wanted to sit in my room and cry about the shitty job I was doing as a parent.I wanted to be anywhere but with them. I was overwhelmed. I felt bad about how much resentment I was feeling towards my own children, the loves of my life.
Our lives have become so busy with Destroyer in school and ferrying them to activities and irregular work hours. One of us, it seems is ALWAYS alone with the kids while the other works or tries to steal a couple hours of peace out of the house.
I had some extra days off and so decided to buckle in and actually try to get somewhere with potty training Buddy, which is why we stayed in for three days. That was probably the only semi-successful thing that occurred.
Parenting doesn’t come with a handbook, and it doesn’t have scheduled breaks. There are no rules the kids have to follow and even if there were nobody would give a shit.
So yeah. This weekend was one of the worst. I have never felt so bad at something nor cared so much that I sucked so bad.
What was I supposed to be thankful for? For working my ass off and nobody caring or appreciating it? For being perpetually exhausted with very few opportunities for emotional outlets? Music, my one go to, is also my job. So even that doesn’t feel like a sanctuary anymore.
And then I went over to my parents place for dinner and complained loudly and immaturely about everything that was bugging me. And you know what?
They just listened, and noticed, and empathized. And it was all I needed. The kids spent some really great moments with my parents today, and created this rare little magic that can only happen between a grandparent and grandchild. And it made me feel so much better.
And it made me remember that life is made up only of moments. Which ones I choose to define my life by is really all up to me. One moment of happiness can really cancel out a day’s worth of shit.
So I am thankful after all.
I’m thankful that I still have my parents to go to.
I’m thankful that I still have both my children with me to drive me nuts and humble me.
I’m thankful I have a Mother In Law who listened to me complain about everything in the universe and still thinks I’m doing a good job.
I’m thankful I have a husband who never complains when i tell him I need a break and thinks I’m beautiful even on the days I feel like an ogre.
I’m thankful for a Bestie who always puts things in perspective for me.
I’m thankful for the family next door that I’ve somehow earned but likely don’t deserve.
And wine. I’m thankful for wine. Happy Thanksgiving, Bitches. Cheers.