Motherhood Isn’t For Everyone, And That’s Ok.
by Cookie
I read this article over tea this morning and I have to say it struck a bit of a nerve. It’s a bit long, but it describes how many moms ( and dads too) secretly resent and hate motherhood.
And I don’t blame them one little bit.
Here’s the raw truth, no Facebook filters or sneak peeks into how amazing our days are.
Motherhood is the shits a lot of the time.
It actually really fucking sucks a good chunk of the time.
I can see how so many women are just not interested in participating in something that literally sucks the life force out of you and spits you back out in an effort to still be a moderately well functioning member of society.
Your whole life now revolves around managing unreasonable, moody, nonsensical tiny humans and keeping them alive every day. You are blessed with the task of trying to take these maniacal little dictators who push you to the very limit of your humanity every 90 seconds and turn them into someone who will not end up contributing to the general assholery of the world.
It complicates everything. You can’t just take a class, or go back to school, or volunteer your time, or make yourself a better human in any way without having to figure out who is going to step in and do your mom job for you while you are out making yourself less of a shit.
All while not sleeping, managing household tasks, cleaning, managing what’s left of your career and generally just trying not to fucking explode into one of the 17 directions you are being pulled in on a daily basis.
It’s not for everyone.
And like anything else, sometimes you don’t know that until it’s too late. And I can understand why some women just can’t.
Some days I feel like that too.
And yes. I know I wanted this. I know that I CHOSE this. I know that so many women can’t have children and probably hate everything about what I am saying. But Bitches.
Motherhood is really hard. And just because it was my decision to make this my life doesn’t make it go away and doesn’t take away my right to say so.
BUT.
There is this nagging thing for me that makes it all ok. And that nagging thing is a love so strong that not only would I step in front of oncoming traffic to save my babies, but I would do so repeatedly, every goddamn day for the rest of my existence. I would sacrifice my own growth for them a thousand times over so that they can become twice the person I am.
And yeah. Sometimes it’s hard to see women around me doing all these amazing things professionally and socially and fucking just generally while I am at home trying to convince my three year old to eat his lunch and that licking ketchup off his fingers doesn’t count.
But I don’t care. I count my successes in smiles and hugs and successful trips to the potty. I can’t do it all and won’t try to anymore.
But for some of you out there that feel like you’re drowning and you wish that your life was something other than what it is……I see you. I get you. I could be you.
It’s not for everyone. But hang on if you can, and hopefully one day that will change.
And for the rest of us……find your people. Support your people. Don’t mom alone….there is strength in numbers!
First, I’ve missed you, dammit! You’ve been away too long, and I know how much “free time” you have. Secondly, yes. Just yes.
I have a former colleague that recently asked us girls out for lunch. She and her husband have been battling infertility for years, and after her 2nd go round of IVF (and $20,000 later), her ONE embryo implanted. Bless her heart, she’s so excited. But I just cringe. She hasn’t heard the heartbeat yet and the odds are so overwhelmingly against her (plus there are genetic issues within their family trees that made finding a fertility doctor difficult to begin with). I just fear the worst for her, and I know how badly it will/would suck to lose it at this point after all that – the money, the needles, the awful yo-yoing weight, and crazies because of all the fucking hormones she’s shot into herself…. It’s all I can do not to shake her. To say that as much as I adore the snot on my kids’ upper lips, kids are not everything to everyone. Had I not had them, I think my marriage would be stronger. We would travel. We’d have nice things. And then to think of all the kiddos out there desperate for a home….
I don’t know. It’s a tough fucking thing. I get it.
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yup. I wouldn’t ever change things now. I wouldn’t survive anything bad ever happening to my kids….they have become the centre of everything, MY EVERYTHING, and that’s just it. Some people can’t do that. And it’s hard…..I think of all the things I miss out on, and sometimes i wish I just had a little more freedom. I personally don’t want my life to change, but I can see how women get there. Some days more than others.
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PS.. I’ve missed you too…..although I creep you on FB all the time and pop in to read your stuff….I’ve been trying to not implode lately. MOM”S UNITE!
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This sums up my life “But I don’t care. I count my successes in smiles and hugs and successful trips to the potty. I can’t do it all and won’t try to anymore.”!
Love the post 🙂 / Mother of 2
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Thank you.
That’s really comes down to it doesn’t it? Amongst all the days where you cry because you feel like you just suck at everything, does this make it worth it or not? For me it does.
“The days are long but the years are short”
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I 100% agree with you there, not to mention my little muffins like cuddling at the end of the day and that is just an added bonus 🙂
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We did that yesterday…ending up with a snuggle fest in our bed watching Charlie Brown’s Christmas. Made all the temper tantrums during the day worth it.
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Yes. THIS. I totally get it. I would never give it up either but some days just suck.
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I locked myself in the bathroom and cried about a week ago. So thanks.
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Been there, my friend. Do what you gotta do to get through the day sometimes, eh?
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I totally agree! I love being a mom but sometimes there are moments when you just can’t deal. I can’t wait for the day that I can shower and or go to the bathroom without an audience but you pick your battles lol. I think there is a lot more pressure on moms and dads today. You are trying to have successful careers, maintain social lives, and shuttle your kids to “play-dates” ( I loathe that term) and other activities all while trying to be super parents. You flip through social media only to see all these parents with their perfect family photos and their fit bodies. Like who the hell has the time??
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You had me at “I loathe that term” I hate the word playdate too. So annoying.
And no, you can’t do it all, can you? Some days just break you.
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Yes! Motherhood is fucking tough and I was so naive about it before I had my son! Great post.
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More women need to speak the truth like this
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Yes! Love this post. Took the words out of my mouth…
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Love your open and honest writing. I have also recently started a blog about my motherhood journey, would love you to check it out if you get a chance.
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