ihaveanopinionidliketoshare

thoughts on life, parenting, news, and crazy shit

Month: February, 2018

Trump Is An Asshole, But This Gun Thing Is Not Just His Fault

gun_violence

InnerSelf.com

I’ve been thinking and thinking and thinking about the issue of gun violence and mass shootings in the US for the past two weeks.  I’m sure many people have.  I’ve engaged in many online discussions and shook my head pretty much every time President Trump opened his mouth to say something idiotic about the subject.

Here’s the thing though….Trump is an asshole, and kinda stupid, and downright dirty, but the problem in the States is not actually his fault.  Sure, his loyalty to the NRA is perpetuating the problem, and he has undone some of the controls that previous Presidents have set in motion.  And it’s infuriating to hear his *quick fix* of the issue while so many families are grieving tragic losses at the hands of this utter bullshit, all while he is really doing nothing.

So what’s the answer?   There isn’t a simple one, I don’t think.  I am a firm believer that the laws need to be stricter.   The rules need to be tighter and the restrictions about what kind of weapon you can own need to change.   I have been very vocal about that, even as a member of a gun owning family.

Do I think that people have a right to own firearms?   Sure.   But with many, many limitations.

But that is only one piece of a very complicated and larger problem.

And no, I don’t actually think the problem is just mental illness either.   It must certainly be a factor in some cases, but having the President of the US go on about how he doesn’t want *sickos* to get their hands on guns is not helping AT ALL.

So, what else?   Honestly, I think that we as parents are failing our children.    Probably not a very popular opinion, but I kinda don’t give a shit.   Parents need to take some ownership in the way we have ceased to be present for our kids.  We have to recognize the lacking connection kids are making with their parents and peers, and how that can contribute to a lack of empathy.  We have to admit that in the majority of cases, both parents are working, and our children are in someone else’s care.  We have to admit that instead of sitting down together at the end of the day and talking as a family, we are working shifts, or racing from one activity to the next in hopes of giving our kids the best opportunities for success later, and not even having regular conversations with our kids about anything.  We are physically present, but we aren’t present. We often don’t notice that something is wrong until it is already at a crisis point.

People who are in pain often inflict pain on others as a a means to cope.   And that is bullshit.  How are we here?   When did inflicting pain mean killing 17 children?   What the actual fuck is the point in that?  How did nobody notice this kid that was hurting so bad that he needed other people to die?   Where were his caregivers?  Why was he allowed access to a firearm?

We need to do better than this.

Limit access.   Treat mental illness.   NOTICE YOUR CHILDREN.   Notice their pain.   Notice their tears.   Know what is going on in their lives.   Have no secrets in your house.   Listen to the little stuff so that they trust you with the big stuff.   Give up material things to create healthier relationships and time to nurture them.  We all have a role to play.   Its guns, but its not JUST guns.

We as a society need to re-examine our values and decide that our current ways are creating a lack of human connection and empathy that allow us to hurt one another.   Someone who feels loved and valued and confident is not going to have a bad day and all of a sudden go and murder a bunch of people because he feels sad.  Someone who feels like they have a support system is not going to do that.   And on the flipside, someone who doesn’t have those support systems but also doesn’t have access toa firearm is not going to shoot 17 people at his school either.   The solution is multi layered.   The lawmakers need to make better laws.   They need to recognize their part, no matter what hey think their rights are.    But the parents need to do their part too.

 

 

 

Advertisements

Bedtime Is The Biggest Asshole I Know

after-kids-to-bed-LOTR-THUMB-330x230

You what time it is, Bitches.    That time where all you want is a little piece and quiet after a full day of tiny human taming.   You need a solid hour with a glass of wine, an episode of The Bachelor, and no other humans talking to you or each other before your exhausted body just collapses on the pillow.

And then Storytime is a dick.   Put On Your Pajama Time sucks a fat one.   Brush Your Teeth Time is a total whore and then actual Bedtime is a steaming asshole that just will not give you a break.

What is it about bedtime that makes kids act like the most annoying humans on the planet?   Aren’t they tired?  Aren’t they excited to go to sleep and replenish their energy in order to face another day of keeping other humans alive and doing all the glamorous things like laundry and cooking and toilets in between working a paid job?   Oh. Wait.

That’s me.

Honestly, MY bedtime is my favourite part of any day.   It’s better than toast ( and I fucking love toast) and a good book or a glass of wine or sex or anything I can think of these days.

I am so tired.  And my tiny humans will not fucking go to sleep.

Bedtime is a real asshole.  The biggest one I’ve ever met.

And then when Bedtime sucks, the next day sucks, because everyone is tired and Mommy didn’t get any alone time and here we are ALL OVER AGAIN with me fantasizing about MY bedtime, while wishing I cold hire a bedtime nanny 7 days a week.   I love spending time with my kids except when I have to put them to bed by myself.

And if you want to talk about The Hour Between Dinner And Bedtime, we need a whole other post for that motherfucker, because he is almost as relentless.

This shit gets easier, right?

This Is Not A Post About Victim Blaming. It’s A Post About Girl Power.

strong-women-quotes-entity-14

I’ve been thinking a lot about the #metoo movement lately.   Here in Canada, we are not without political scandal.  In the past month we have had our fair share of politicians and influential media people who have been accused of sexual misconduct and left their job or been suspended as a result.

The thing that kills me is the consistency of the feelings the women share.   Nearly every single one of them were in a situation with a man who had power over them of some sort due to a direct boss-employee type of relationship, or the man was in a position to influence their career in some way.

Why does this kill me?    Because I find myself thinking, what girl in her right mind would put herself in that situation?   And what women wouldn’t say  what the actual fuck when some guy randomly whips out his dick and blows a load all over his office floor?   Why wouldn’t you turn down the next round of drinks instead of leaving yourself in a state of impairment that makes you vulnerable?

Well, I guess Margaret Atwood said it best.

Nothing changes instantaneously…..in a gradually heating bathtub, you‘d be boiled to death before you knew it.

The problem is that women, although we have made great advances in terms of choice and lifestyle and rights, have been sitting in that fucking bathtub for so long that we haven’t noticed how hot the water is.   Women feel like they can’t say no.   They feel like they have to accept bad behaviour.  We have been conditioned to tolerate things we don’t like to keep the peace.

We do it in all of our relationships, not just in regards to sexual misconduct in the workplace.  Or out of the workplace.

We are so so fucking worried that we are going to offend someone by being honest about what we want or don’t want.   By asking for what we need and refusing to settle.   We put our own needs last for the sake of others around us.

There is this perception that a woman who stands up for herself is selfish, or a bitch, or just plain difficult.

Well SO WHAT?

Nothing is going to change unless we contribute to that change.  And by contributing, I mean turn the cold water tap on and demand better.   Stop accepting shit because that’s what feels easier in the moment.   It’s not easier.

And it doesn’t mean that men aren’t the ones responsible for this crap.   I just feel like we have put the expectation on men to treat women fairly and respectfully and they have been fucking it up for so long, why are we trusting them to them to fix it?

They are the ones who need to adjust their behaviour, but people do what “works”.  It’s been working for men all this time.  And until every single one of us girls says Oh Hell No every single time and demands to be treated as equals, the bad behaviour will continue.

It’s not a woman’s fault.  It’s never her fault.  But it’s our responsibility to fight for something that is better.   It’s our responsibility to catalyze change for our daughters. Sometimes we just forget that we are powerful enough to say no, and that is the message we need to keep repeating.   We need to hear that we will be supported when we say no, and that can only come from changing the current culture and the imbalance of power.

 

 

Just Talk. #LetsTalk

af463e545b31696e1e37a35724818ed5--tattoo-mental-health-positive-mental-health-quotes

Everybody is talking about mental illness this week, mostly due to Bell’s #letstalk campaign.

So I’ll talk too.

I see so many things going around social media about how you don’t need some prescription, just lace up some runners and get some fresh air.

I read another article about the body having a reaction to inflammation causing mental health symptoms, claiming that dietary changes can fix all your troubles.

And of course at the other end of the spectrum people shitting their pants that its an illness, caused by chemical imbalances in the brain that must be treated with synthetic drugs, much like you would treat a bacterial infection with antibiotics.

Although, treating a viral infection with antibiotics gets you nowhere….do you see where I’m going with this?

The truth as I see it, and from my own experience is that every single one of these things is true.  The problem is that like everything else in life, humans have this tendency to push their experiences onto others, and expect others to react the same and have the same truth as they do.

Bitches, that is fucking ridiculous.

Just because you can keep your crazy at bay by going for a run or eating gluten free or having a stress reducing support peacock doesn’t mean that I can.   It’s like saying that because penicillin cured your strep throat, it will cure my influenza.  No two people react the exact same way to treatment and management of their symptoms.   Hell, I don’t react the same to management of my symptoms of anxiety for two weeks in a row.  My symptoms aren’t even the same two weeks in a row.

I mean, there are some repeat performances for sure, but some days the only thing that fixes my shit is a good hard 5km, and other days that same 5km will trigger my fucking anxiety.  It’s so bloody annoying.   It’s like some days my anxiety is a regular, predictable asshole, and sometimes it is just a real cunt that will not be contained.

My point is that living with a mental illness is a learning curve for each individual, and management of symptoms can be done using a variety of methods, including medication. (or some days preferably sedation I swear). Having some sort of expectation about what does or doesn’t work coming from somebody who has never worn my shoes is pretty fucking annoying.   It makes sharing harder, because people get all pissed when you reject their advice.   It’s like dude, the fact that just going for a run and having a cup of chamomile doesn’t make my batshit fly under the radar like it does for you doesn’t make it any less of a viable treatment option for you.  It might help.  But some days, I just can’t people.  Or be nice.  Or give a fuck about what you think.

So when you’re talking, be aware that sharing means recounting your experiences, and listening to another person’s ideas, and validating what they tell you.   It means that they are an expert about their own life, and you are just an observer that they trust enough to let in.

So don’t be an asshole.   If you want to talk, talk.   Don’t force. Don’t judge. Don’t expect. 

Just talk.

AfterOtis

Written by Natalie Oldham

Midnight Calico Farm

One Family's Journey into Farm Life

unreally written

A mushy mom, a little madness, and a lot of musing.

Speechbaby

Child Rearing with a Professional Twist

Feminist Philosophers

News feminist philosophers can use

Out an' About

Loving Life On and Off the Tracks

Cooking Without Limits

Food Photography & Recipes

MOMtessori Life

Living the Montessori life as a mom with two young children

The Magical Thinker

Beauty, Fashion, and Lifestyle Blogger

Books, Books and More Books!

Read a Review, Leave a Comment!

Archon's Den

The Rants & Rambles of A Grumpy Old Dude

Mind Of An In-Depth Woman

My thoughts about love, music, spirituality, relationships, life and random topics in between

The Bede Update

He may be small but he is mighty

Ends and Beginnings

"The World is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning."-Ivy Baker Priest

Musings of An Insomniac

Late night thoughts of a fool.

Surviving Grief

How to embrace grief and heal

dwaineevanssr

This WordPress.com site is the cat’s pajamas

bizarrelovetriangleblog

Two guys, a girl, and a choice.

BigAndPinkyToes

A blog about family, food, and other good stuff.

Mums diary blog

MOTHERHOOD ~ FASHION ~ FAMILY LIFESTYLE #mumsdiaryblog

This Mommy's Adventures of Autism, Special Needs, and Everything in Between

My family. Our stories. Parent and Creative Explorer

Breaking Sarah - Bruised, Not Broken

One woman's raw journey through incest, teen pregnancy, trauma, death, and family estrangement.

Not the Average Mama

Taking the Step out of step Parent

brickhousechick

Letting it all hang out

lifebeyondmommy

A stay at home mothers guide to self discovery

Peace Hacks

A Commentary on Faith, Life Change, Culture, and Politics

The Shameful Sheep

shit storms, shame, and stories that make you cringe

Luminous Blue

a mother's and daughter's journey with transformation, cancer, death and LOVE

The Secret Life of Emily Maine

a place to shout my secrets

Dramatic Momologue

The juggle is real.

andrea shawcross

comedy writer & maker of filmstuffs.

Ben's Bitter Blog

"We make bitter better."

David McVety

A Spiritual Shepherd's Thoughts on Faith and Family

Beating Myself Into a Dress

First a wedding dress, then a maternity dress, now I'm just trying to fit into ANY dress.

The Fat Chick Memoirs

Dealing with my Weight-Loss One Funny Story at a Time

The Science of Mom

The Heart and Science of Parenting

The Fat Bottom Bard

Waxing Poetic and Penning Tall Tales

Jeneral Musings

A personal potpourri of thoughts

Supporting Birth Diversity

Celebrating the Tapestry of Motherhood

Insidethelifeofmoi

An eccentric blogger with a pen and a thousand ideas

rarasaur

frightfully wondrous things happen here.

An Early Start

Meet Jax a funny, kind, and smart preschooler who was a micro-preemie born at 23 weeks. Now that Jax is older, the scariness of the NICU has faded, but we're still learning how to manage the lasting effects of prematurity including chronic medical issues, ADHD, and Autism Spectrum Disorder. This is our story of love, hope, and survival.

%d bloggers like this: