The Stages Of Gratitude

I’m not entirely sure about this, but I feel like getting older makes you more thankful.

When you’re a child, you have this completely reasonable expectation that all of your shit is just taken care of for you.   You assume that the world just revolves around your happiness, and for a while it seems like it certainly does.  Gratitude isn’t on your radar, because you just require your needs being met since you aren’t able to meet them on your own.   It’s your responsibility to grow and learn and become.  

And then you’re a young adult, and you are thankful for some things, but you also feel this insane sense of invincibility that makes it hard to pause and be grateful for the people in your life, and your health, and the ability to stay out drinking all night, nap for an hour, brush it off and go to work at a reasonable functionality the next day.

And then you become middle age, and you maybe have children of your own, and you start to learn what it is to appreciate something just for existing.  Or maybe you see your grandparents and parents starting to age, and you realize that time is no longer infinite like it was in your youth.  And that you need to soak in the moments around you and be thankful for the time you have to love and be loved on this earth.  Or maybe you start to see your friends struggle with their health, or their relationships, or addictions, or traumas, and you start to feel this quiet gratitude for the simplicity of your own life.  For the lack of adversity. For the lack of conflict or illness or things to be afraid of.

You read the news and start to realize how important your civil and human rights are, and how they can be at risk in an instant.  You are thankful that you have the privilege of living in the community you do, with basic comforts like running water and electricity and too much food on your plate.

Maybe it’s a maturity, or maybe it’s perspective that leads to this gradual understanding of what true gratitude is.   When I ask my tiny humans what they are thankful for they think it relates mostly to *things*, but in my world it relates more to *them* and feelings and purpose.

To all of my people, I am thankful for you.   For having you in my life and for the things I’ve learned from loving you all.   To the ones I’ve lost, I am thankful that I have grief to remind me of love.  To the ones who are struggling, I am thankful for the reminder to appreciate and invest in the important things in my life.   To the clock of life that seems to be moving faster, I am thankful for the reminder to love each moment and for all the memories that creates.

Happy Thanksgiving, Bitches. x

Why Trump Really Cares About Confirming Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, And Why Women Should Be Afraid

I have been watching the circus in the United States that is the confirmation of one of the most controversial nominations in Supreme Court History.  It has also been one of the most blatant displays of partisan mud slinging and grandstanding with a  pinch of rich white male patriarchy on the side.

If you are shaking your head and asking “Why does it have to be HIM?” as I have been doing over the last few weeks, I think there is a lot more to consider here than just whether or not Brett Kavanaugh assaulted anybody.

The temperature of the water since Trump took office has been questionable for women.  Think back to around this time of year, 2016, when the Access Hollywood tapes came out.   The Presidential candidate literally admitted that he freely assaulted women and had the right to do so because he was famous.   He freely admitted that he tried to sleep with a married woman,  indicating a warped moral compass. And what happened?   He got elected about a month later.

Once elected, the Trump administration got busy making sure that healthcare became less accessible to low and middle income  Americans.   He closed Planned Parenthood Clinics, making contraception and pregnancy counselling/termination inaccessible to many women, especially young, poor, and non-white women.  Trump rolled back the birth control mandate which then allowed companies to deny women coverage for birth control as part of their health insurance.

And then he made it his mission to appoint a Supreme Court Justice who would overturn Roe Vs. Wade.

As my husband asked me last night, why does Trump give a fuck about whether or not women can get abortions?   As if he really has some sort of moral objection to it?   It’s pretty obvious to me that his actions indicate that it’s not the morality of it that bothers him. So what, then?

It’s fear.

The Patriarchy is afraid of us.   And if you can retain power over something that scares you, you feel like you can regain control of it.

Trump displays on a regular basis, complete lack of respect towards women.  And I’m not just talking about the disgusting acts of mocking sexual assault survivors at political rallies, or speaking about women as if they are things. His constant dismissal of female media representatives and open taunting and attempts at insulting them during press conferences is almost enough to make you vomit.  The Senate Majority leader issued a statement saying that the reason there has NEVER EVER been a FEMALE Republican Senator on the Judiciary committee (there are only 6 female Republican senators in total) is because it is too much work for a woman to take on.   They have Thursday night meetings, you see.

So, he starts by making birth control less and less available.  He supports a culture where women are assaulted and victims are treated like perpetrators, continuing to influence the idea that women are not in charge of their bodies.   And then…..when there is no body autonomy, and nobody to support women when they are abused, and they are pregnant with no resources, or access to healthcare, and THEN can’t terminate their pregnancies….They won’t be spending their time concerning themselves with all the other political issues because they will be too busy fighting for their rights as human beings all over again.  Or they will be caught up in the traumas of their lives.

It’s meant to suppress us, and has nothing to do with morality.

Brett Kavanaugh is of importance because he will support Republican agendas, including overturning Roe Vs. Wade. It fulfills Trump’s election promise of appointing  Supreme Court Justices that would do so.  His unsuitability to the bench has a lot to do with his obvious partisanship and loyalty to the Republicans.  It has to do with his OBVIOUS lack of impartiality, and undesirable temperament.  It has to do with telling lies under oath, and a fixed race from the very beginning. And yeah…that time he attempted to rape a girl at a party and then lied about that too.

This is a very uncertain and scary time for women in the US. Your rights are hanging by a thread, and it starts here.   If you don’t think other rights that your mothers and grandmothers have fought for are in Jeopardy…..things you have taken for granted for a very long time, think again.  This President’s legacy is based on doing outrageous things that nobody believed could happen again.

I am thankful to live North of the border and to be watching in horror as a spectator, not a participant.  The US heavily influences culture here in Canada, and it is really mind boggling to see people here who support all of these incredulous, jaw dropping events.  It’s sad to see things circulating on social media that mock victims because of what they look like…..”he must be innocent because look how ugly she is” and people trying to reroute the conversation by worrying about men being victims of false accusations.

Men’s rights aren’t in danger here, ladies.   They never were.

Time to wake up.