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Category: faith

Fuck your reasons for having an abortion

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In the wake of the astonishing news of the US Supreme Cult Court overturning the Roe V Wade ruling from 1973, I feel like I can hear the air getting sucked out of people’s homes and the unison echo of our collective jaws dropping to the ground.

First and foremost, I’d like to offer a giant fuck you and choke on shit for eternity to the folks who orchestrated this, and perhaps a less enthusiastic and more confused what the actual fuck to anybody who thinks this is a great idea.

As I’ve been reading the discourse on various platforms I keep coming across all of the justifications we have for requiring access to abortions. Women sharing heart wrenching stories about wanted babies that were not compatible with life and slowly dying in their wombs. Women being diagnosed with cancer during pregnancy and having to chose between themselves and their unborn child. Young girls who are raped or molested by family members or abused by boyfriends or parents. Tragic stories about trauma and poverty.

You know what though? Fuck that shit. Fuck it all. Nobody that you are talking to is even listening. Your reasons for having an abortion are moot. The people you are trying to educate about abortion being a very necessary part of women’s healthcare don’t give a single flying fuck about you. You are nothing to them. They are so fucking focused on the clump of cells or fetus or almost baked child inside you that you have ceased to exist as a human being. You are an incubator of a baby. They don’t care if you die.

The folks who made this law want to potentially prosecute you for not living up to to your job: to birth the baby. Miscarriage, fetal death, injury or defect could now be subject to investigation. Your medical information could be viewed as a crime. No arguments are based in science, medicine or fact. This is fanatical batshit territory where nothing makes sense. Using science and facts just makes them scream louder about how the babies are being murdered. Save your energy.

Because really, YOU DON”T NEED A REASON.

You don’t need to have suffered a trauma, been raped, almost died, been abused, conceived a child not able to live outside the womb, or any of it. Your body is capable of creating life, but it is not required to do so. I don’t care what the Torah or the Bible or the Koran say. If that isn’t your Book, it isn’t your problem.

Women have been so conditioned to justify themselves for every single thing in life. When we say no, there has to be a million reasons why it’s ok to say no. But really, the only reason is because you fucking say so.

No is a complete sentence.

Do want to continue this pregnancy? NO.

Do you want have a baby? NO.

Do you want to be a mother? NO.

It has to be that simple. Because as soon as we start arguing, or engage in conversations with these fucking assholes, they come at you and try to pick apart your “reasons” or offer you empty “solutions” or counterpoint everything you try to say.

What’s the response to “NO”?

So fuck your reasons for having an abortion. They aren’t anyone’s business, stop making it their business. If nobody is allowed to stick their dick or a needle or a popsicle in you after you say no, than nobody should be allowed to stick a baby in you and carry it around either.

No means no applies to your body every time, whether there is a potential human growing in there or not.

Rosemary was her favourite herb

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Celebrating holidays without important people in your life is a tough thing. This is the fourth Easter that has come along since losing my mom in 2019 and if I am being really honest, I only really remember one other of them. Oddly enough it was the 2020 holiday that sticks out in my mind because we were in full lockdown, unsure of what the future held due to a new pathogen circulating the globe. I remember it because I spent the afternoon walking through the urban forest with my dad, a rare time we’ve spent alone just chatting about nothing much of consequence that I wish was much more frequent.

Easter for us Christians is supposed to be a time of rejoicing and reflecting. We are celebrating an omnipotous love that is rooted is ultimate sacrifice. Someone who supposedly died for us so that we might not have to suffer. Someone willing to endure great pain and sadness in our stead. Someone who loved us more than we deserved and more than we will ever truly understand.

For some Easter is simply a secular holiday where we get an extra break from work and celebrate family with goodies and treats and laughter.

Either way, I sometimes wonder if we are worthy of any of it. Over the past few years, I have seen people claiming to have the deepest understanding of their faith and acting as if they know the rules and the advice and the love of God better than most. They study and go to big churches and tithe and toss their beliefs in your face every chance they get. They accumulate wealth but begrudge anyone asking for help. They are unwilling to make any sacrifice of their own interests or desires for their fellow human, putting themselves above everything else. How are we so good at constantly failing each other? How easy it is to forget what started it all- a love beyond all comprehension that serves as the example of the lives we are to lead.

And so today, I think about my dear mum, who suffered so horribly with chronic pain and trauma for so long and how even so she tried incredibly hard to make this world a better place for everyone around her. I think about how she deflected her pain by diffusing the pain of others. She fed and clothed people. She made them feel special. She never let anyone feel lonely. She helped anyone who asked her. She loved all creatures great and small and showed compassion to every living thing. I mean sometimes she was so fucking crazy bu she truly exemplified the idea that faith without works doesn’t count. You can quote a million Bible passages but if you don’t sincerely act on them, what is the point?

This week I remembered her and her exemplary faith with little acts. I took in a sad dog even thought we don’t really have time, money or space for her. I invited an older gentleman to move ahead of me in a very long line as he struggled with his cane. I chatted with a lonely stranger. I mended fences with someone because we all deserve second chances.

And today, while getting ready for a holiday dinner tonight, I couldn’t find any dill for a glaze. But underneath something else, I found a bunch of dried rosemary in the fridge. My mom fucking loved rosemary. It was her favourite herb.

It’s stupid, but I felt her with me just then. It made me miss her, but it also made her feel closer.It reminded me that we can be better and do better with little things. That is what love is.

Alleluia, He is Risen.

Truckers For Freedom is just another political circus dancing on a bed of sh!t

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Truckers for Fucking Freedom or whatever bullshit line they want to use so that it makes for an effective yet concise hashtag is eating up all my timelines. Protest for freedom? Really? Are people seriously that stupid? This isn’t about vaccine mandates- much. It is so much larger and dumber and dangerous than that.

Let me preface this by saying that I believe truckers should get vaccinated. I also believe that grocery store clerks, teachers, health care providers and literally everyone else should get vaccinated. Now, I actually don’t give a fuck what you ultimately decide to do for yourself, but if you decide not to get vaccinated to hep you fight a potentially lethal pathogen when it is available to you FOR FREE- I think that is absolutely the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard. Besides the Freedom Convoy, that is.

However, I am not entirely convinced that imposing a Canadian vaccine mandate on truckers crossing into the US is going to have the impact it is intended to on the spread or containment of Covid at this point. This shit is too far gone, and the truckers have a lot less direct contact with other humans while working than they probably even would when they aren’t working. I’m not opposed to vaccine mandates, but even I have to admit this feels like a bit of dick-waving and setting of a precedent. The other issue is that we don’t even really have a mandate for health care providers working with highly vulnerable populations, so the optics of that seem really idiotic. I know they are different jurisdictions, and Conservative vs Liberal folks in charge, but it still just doesn’t make as much sense as it should.

Having said all of that, there are so many holes in the premise of this “protest” that even I don’t know where to start patching.

The first is that we seem to be having a really hard time understanding what rights actually mean. One of our rights is NOT employment. We aren’t entitled to shit in terms of employment. If we were, then all of the people in this country with housing insecurity, or who get laid off, or can’t get their first job or anyone else who wants to work but can’t should march their asses over to Ottawa and sue the living piss out of the government for not providing them with employment. Employers or unions or crown corporations or anything regulated by government can create employment standards that you may feel violates your right to choose what you do for your body, but in the end you get to decide if you are willing to meet the conditions they set or not. That is where your rights begin and end. For example- when I worked as a bartender years ago, I really wanted to pierce my nose. The restaurant said that if I wanted to work there I wasn’t allowed to have facial piercings. I made a choice that I liked my job more than I liked the idea of having a hoop in my nostril. Condition of employment met. The vaccine requirement is no different, and plenty of notice was given regarding the change in standards. Everything after that is foot stomping, entitled, cry baby nonsense.

Second, I LOVE PROTESTS. All of them. I don’t care if I like what you’re bitching about or hate it. I love the fact that we have the right ( there’s that word again) to call our elected officials and tell them what we think. I love that we can organize with a bunch of like minded people and go hang out at government buildings and lobby for change, or ask to be heard. Protest everything you want. I think that if a proportion of truckers want to go and tell Justin Trudeau that he’s a shitty Prime Minister and ask him to reconsider and have a giant temper tantrum while telling him to fuck himself, they should be allowed to do that all day long, twice on Sunday and once in the ass.

The problem is that what I’m seeing isn’t a protest about a condition of employment that they think is unfair. That’s the excuse, but that isn’t really what this is about. It appears to be a front for a deeper political cause of trying to remove a public servant forcibly. It appears to be an attempt to organize the blocking of essential and emergency services to an entire city until they get their own way. The whole “surround them and starve them” ideal. That isn’t a protest. It’s an act of violence, war and domestic terrorism. If that is what happens in Ottawa this weekend, you’ll know you’ve been duped. One may agree or disagree with the implementation of vaccine mandates during a global health crisis, but that is not a protest and it needs to be addressed as such.

Third, I fucking HATE the term “mainstream media”. What the actual fuck does that even mean? Media that covers everyday news stories? The ones that have longstanding reputations for excellent journalism and high standards for ethics? Those guys? The ones you complain won’t cover your Freedom Convoy story and when they ask you for an interview to hear your perspective you spit on them and break their windows? Sounds to me like a made up term by a bunch of crybaby cowards who know they are full of shit.

Fourth, this country has a really, really, gross history of beating the shit out of Indigenous people and preventing them from protesting decimation of their own lands in peaceful protests and blockades. (major oversimplification) Those are protests- they are standing up for what is legally theirs to protect but most people are okay with it because we figure they have to let us take whatever we want from them. Comparing that to the roads and highways being blocked already by this clown parade and the lack of police presence or interest is very, very troubling. Until this “protest” is met with the same type of enforcement as they talk about guns and running over officials and forcibly overthrowing a government you can’t convince me that this country isn’t based on racism that runs so deep that there is no hope of trying to even pretend anymore.

Last, this is not just about vaccine mandates. It’s about a political spectrum that has become so hugely polarized that there is no longer hope for any cooperation, negotiation or compromise. Ironically, many of those who are so terrified of being controlled by a vaccine or a facemask or a governing body have no problem being controlled by a book filled with stories about arks and a magic omnipotent daddy in the sky whose son can walk on water and rise from the dead. NO disrespect to Zombie Jesus or anything, cause he’s my guy too, but I just don’t remember Him threatening that I’ll burn in hell for taking a vaccine. I don’t know. There just seem to be a lot of critical thinkers and freedom fighters that are so terrified of eternal damnation that they follow a lot of rules for those who like to bitch about, welllllll…..RULES.

So yeah. Lots to unpack about the Truckers For Freedom. If they end up having a honest to God protest, then great. Have at ‘er. Protest the fuck on, mates. Anything else that is going on, well, we can only hide the truth for so long.

This Is Not A Post About Victim Blaming. It’s A Post About Girl Power.

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I’ve been thinking a lot about the #metoo movement lately.   Here in Canada, we are not without political scandal.  In the past month we have had our fair share of politicians and influential media people who have been accused of sexual misconduct and left their job or been suspended as a result.

The thing that kills me is the consistency of the feelings the women share.   Nearly every single one of them were in a situation with a man who had power over them of some sort due to a direct boss-employee type of relationship, or the man was in a position to influence their career in some way.

Why does this kill me?    Because I find myself thinking, what girl in her right mind would put herself in that situation?   And what women wouldn’t say  what the actual fuck when some guy randomly whips out his dick and blows a load all over his office floor?   Why wouldn’t you turn down the next round of drinks instead of leaving yourself in a state of impairment that makes you vulnerable?

Well, I guess Margaret Atwood said it best.

Nothing changes instantaneously…..in a gradually heating bathtub, you‘d be boiled to death before you knew it.

The problem is that women, although we have made great advances in terms of choice and lifestyle and rights, have been sitting in that fucking bathtub for so long that we haven’t noticed how hot the water is.   Women feel like they can’t say no.   They feel like they have to accept bad behaviour.  We have been conditioned to tolerate things we don’t like to keep the peace.

We do it in all of our relationships, not just in regards to sexual misconduct in the workplace.  Or out of the workplace.

We are so so fucking worried that we are going to offend someone by being honest about what we want or don’t want.   By asking for what we need and refusing to settle.   We put our own needs last for the sake of others around us.

There is this perception that a woman who stands up for herself is selfish, or a bitch, or just plain difficult.

Well SO WHAT?

Nothing is going to change unless we contribute to that change.  And by contributing, I mean turn the cold water tap on and demand better.   Stop accepting shit because that’s what feels easier in the moment.   It’s not easier.

And it doesn’t mean that men aren’t the ones responsible for this crap.   I just feel like we have put the expectation on men to treat women fairly and respectfully and they have been fucking it up for so long, why are we trusting them to them to fix it?

They are the ones who need to adjust their behaviour, but people do what “works”.  It’s been working for men all this time.  And until every single one of us girls says Oh Hell No every single time and demands to be treated as equals, the bad behaviour will continue.

It’s not a woman’s fault.  It’s never her fault.  But it’s our responsibility to fight for something that is better.   It’s our responsibility to catalyze change for our daughters. Sometimes we just forget that we are powerful enough to say no, and that is the message we need to keep repeating.   We need to hear that we will be supported when we say no, and that can only come from changing the current culture and the imbalance of power.

 

 

I’m Pretty Sure God Would Rather Have A Heaven Full Of Gays Than The Rest Of The Assholes Out There

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“Gays Belong in Heaven Too” by Maverick Mista Majah P

I’ve been having this fight on the internet with some shitlicker who has declared that gay people, and anyone who supports their rights as human beings are not actually Christians.

Ummm, WHAT?

It was in response to a video that I had posted and a dear friend of mine re-shared about many pastors who had changed their view after careful study of those Scriptures which at first glance seemed to condemn homosexuality, but after deeper thought and insight perhaps were giving a different message.

Now I am no great Bible Scholar. I won’t pretend like I sit by candles every night researching verses and how they apply to me today.  But I do know God’s love.   I know what it feels like to be part of a loving community founded in faith.  I know personally how that affects your life and how thankful I am for a community of people who love and accept each other for what and who they are.  I know what its like to observe and listen to people who demonstrate such grace in their life that it is impossible not to want to be a better human being.

And for me, that is the core of Christianity.  It is building communities of people who love and support one another, instead of trying to out-awesome each other by pointing out all the ways that you fucked up life or broke the rules.

Here’s the thing that is beyond frustrating:  The people that basically don’t believe that folks who are part of the LGBTQ community deserve to be recognized as human beings, let alone be part of a Christian circle get hung up on like 6 verses in the entire Bible that even remotely discuss it.  Its like some golden special rule that cannot possibly be interpreted in any other way that they get all fucking wet about and can’t let it go.

Yet they cherry pick what other rules no longer apply from the Old Testament.   They forget about the ones that tell you not to be greedy, or a dickhead, or what kind of meat you can eat, or how many slaves you can own or how many wives you can have.  Us girls even speak in church now and then, which Paul specifically said is a no-no.   So if all of these laws have evolved to make sense in today’s society, why is the gay thing such a big deal?  Why is that the one law that transcends all time and is not applicable to today’s society where people just love each other regardless of sex, gender identity, race, etc?

You know what I think?   I think Homophobia runs wild in the world still and people who are insecure in their own faith have to find a way to feel superior to others. Its easier to  point out what’s wrong with everybody else so they don’t have to dig in and deal with their own bullshit.  Fear and insecurity are a dangerous combination.  And if you can point out how wrong somebody else is, then you must be right? Right?

Look.  Nobody here gets to determine the validity of another person’s faith or relationship with God.  Unless you’re God.

Anybody out there God?

I didn’t think so.

So the next time any of you bible thumping, self righteous, haters of  love, judgy-judgertons decide who can and can’t be a Christian because of some sort of backwards criteria that you have set do me a favour.

Go find a bag of dicks and beat yourself in the head with them until you realize what your actual fucking job is.  Then go and feed the hungry, give away all your money, and learn what it actually means to love your neighbour as yourself.

And yes.   I am a Sweary Christian.   But trust me, I’m sure God has bigger fish to fry these days than to count the fuck-o-meter on my mouth.   Don’t worry about me….me and God are good.

Listen Ted. Stop Being An Asshole And Just Go To The Fucking Parade Already

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Canada has been kinda smug lately about how we treat our LGBTQ community so much better than the United States do.

But you know what?

We’ve still got our fair share of Bigoted, Bible Thumping, Hiding Behind Jesusers up here too.  And they love politics just as much as those possum-fucking losers in the American Bible Belt.

Why am I picking on the Christians?  Because we are a right bunch of assholes sometimes.

The latest controversy is over the refusal of a Member of Parliament, Ted Falk, to attend the Pride celebrations and parade in a town called Steinbach.  Steinbach is in the heart of a deeply Mennonite community where it is no secret how they feel about gay marriage.

Yes.  I know that the Bible says something about “man shall not lay with man”  or something along those lines.  But I’m pretty sure he also told us that there was a limit on how many slaves you could own and how you’re not allowed to touch a woman when she’s having her period.   By the way, it also has a list of 10 Ways Not To Be An Asshole.   Otherwise known as the 10 Commandments.  There’s a biggie in there about loving your neighbour as yourself.  Check it out sometime.

Here’s my biggest problem with all of this.  Canada is not actually a Christian country.  There are a great many of us who are indeed Christian.  Some of them support LGBTQ rights and some use their faith as an excuse to continue to spread hatred.  But as a Member of Parliament, you must leave your personal beliefs at the door, and support the laws of this country.  You are welcome to try and influence and change laws, but you must uphold the rights of all the citizens.

And unfortunately, Ted Falk, the law is not on your side here.  Bigotry is something that should not be tolerated in any capacity from a Member of Parliament, and I would suggest that your personal belief system is getting in your way of doing your job.

The other problem I have is that I think bigots like Ted Falk here make some sort of weird assumption that a Pride parade and celebration is some sort of recruitment drive.

Honey, have you looked at yourself in the mirror? The gays don’t want you.  There is a standard of fabulousness required that I just don’t think you could ever live up to.

Rather, the Pride celebrations are supposed to be a celebration of not having to hide yourself.  A celebration of being able to love freely who you love without having to fear arrest or abuse.  Clearly, we aren’t there yet, but we are a far cry from those days in New York City where the police raided the Stonewall Inn.  The Pride celebrations around the world are a reminder of this event, and how far we have come in accepting and loving everybody as they are, not how you interpret that they should be.

As a Christian, your job is to promote love and protect your brothers from harm. And yes, they are your brothers.  And sisters.  That’s your calling.

And as a Representative of your country, your job is to uphold and support the laws that are in place, and be present in a official capacity as needed in your community.  And newsflash:  Part of the population that your represent is LGBTQ.

Out of all the laws in the Bible, I don’t understand why we’re allowed to ignore all the other ones from the Old Testament and yet this one is like the Golden Fucking Rule.

I mean, we’re also not supposed to eat shellfish.  Do you take  stand on this, Ted, and refuse to enter any restaurant that has shrimp on the menu?  I mean, how are you supposed to support these blasphemous eaters of shellfish, when God has explicitly said not too?

How can you stand by and watch your children run and hug their mother or cousin who got her period this morning?  The filth!

And how can I, good Christian woman that I am, stand by idly while you clearly don’t love your neighbour as yourself?

I can’t.  Neither should anybody else.

Your values aren’t the only values that matter in this country.  And so, as a member of our Federal Government, you need to find a way to get past your bigoted, hypocritical “value” system and do your fucking job.

Stop making Jesus look bad by using Him as an excuse to act like a dick.  Just go to the fucking parade already.  Wear a rainbow, have a beer and no promises, but I’m pretty sure no one is going to gay rape you.

That was actually the Catholic Church…but that’s a whole other post.

 

If Your Kid Is Fasting, Should That Mean No Pizza For My Kid Either?

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My girlfriend posted on Facebook the other day about her child’s class missing out on all the celebrating during the school year due to the religious beliefs of 2 students in the class.

Every other classroom in the school has had special parties or celebrations throughout the year for all the bullshit holidays like Halloween and Valentine’s Day.  Her daughters class has missed out, because the teacher felt like it was inappropriate to have two children unable to participate.

Fast forward to end of year celebrations.  There is no pagan rituals or Christian things that are being celebrated.  The tradition at this school is for the classes to have each have an end of year pizza party for the kids.  Her daughter’s class is again being left out, because the two aforementioned kids are fasting due to Ramadan and would be unable to have pizza with the other kids.

I’m sorry, but I don’t buy this “building a community” line bullshit that the teacher is towing.  This is dividing a community.  The kids in this classroom are just gonna resent the 2 that have basically rained on their parade all year long.  Instead of having two kids left out, they now have 20, because the entire school is participating in all of these events while this class has to go without because of the religion of two kids.  It just doesn’t make sense to me.

I understand that the teacher is trying to be sensitive to all beliefs, but in the process they are dismissing the needs of the majority of the kids in the room.

One of the comments on the thread was what do the two fasting kids do during lunch?  Do all of the kids now have to skip lunch so that that those two don’t get jealous?

I’m so fucking irritated about this and it’s not even my kid involved.

This is North America.  We are supposed to respect everyone’s belief and cultures.  The way to promote community is to expose the kids to everybody’s culture and beliefs and help them to understand one anothers beliefs.  Spend some time at the end of the year on what Ramadan is.  Help the kids understand why the some kids are fasting and what it means to them.  And then have the fucking pizza party for everybody, and if you’re fasting come and play but don’t eat pizza.  Or if that is just too hard on Little Johnny Faster, then the parents can have the option of keeping them home that day.

I just feel that if we aren’t allowed to recognize any religious holiday and have it influence the activities in the school, why are they allowing the religious beliefs of two kids dictate the activities in the classroom?

I mean, what if one of the Christian kids decided to give up electronics for Lent?  Would the teacher then stop using the white board or ban computer lab for the entire class because of the one child’s beliefs?  Likely not.  If it wasn’t Ramadan and they were having pizza, would all the pizzas have no bacon or pepperoni because many Muslims don’t eat pork?  Likely not….they would just request a cheese pizza.

And yes.  I understand that these parties are not part of the curriculum.  But they are a fun thing at school that kids look forward too, and sometimes its important to just let kids have fun in a learning environment too.

In my opinion, a better solution would be for a teacher or the school  to send out a list of all “special events” that occur during the year, and then allow parents to make the decision about whether or not their child can participate.  Simple as that.

If we’re being respectful of the beliefs and traditions of everybody, it should include the majority as well, right?

What do you think, Bitches?

 

 

50 People

I don’t normally post on Sundays, but holy fuck some asshole went into a gay nightclub in Florida and shot over a hundred people last night.  50 of them have died.

This post isn’t about gun accessibility or whether or not people should be able to own firearms.

This post is a plea to every mother out there to please teach their children to love and respect other people.  This is a plea to all fathers to teach their kids that everyone is entitled to their beliefs or lifestyles or to simply be who they are, and that we solve problems through conversations and love and understanding.

Those of us who live in North America need to get off our fucking high horses and stop walking around like our shit doesn’t stink.  Here we are going overseas and trying wage a “War on Terror”  that we perpetuate in our own damn backyard.  I don’t care if today’s tragedy is linked to ISIS or not.  We do this to people in our own country all the fucking time.

We are just as bad as the terrorists that politicians have Trumped up (pun intended) to be so dangerous and monstrous.   We do horrible things to one another every day.

We judge people because of who they love.  We attack people for who they are, or used to be, or who their parents were.  We abuse folks simply because they have a different skin colour or faith.

We waste our time caring about who is in the fucking bathroom.

We make up things to be angry about because we feel insecure about the choices we have made, and if that guy is wrong, it must make me right.

And meanwhile, while all this bullshit is happening, 50 young men and women lost their lives because of what I can only imagine was the grossest, most evil form of bigotry that exists.  Somebody didn’t like gay people, and felt that their life had no value.

But it had value to somebody.  Each and every one of those people had parents or sisters or brothers or children.  Somebody loved them.

It’s a pretty sick word where the hatred of one fucking asshole trumps the love of 50 people’s friends and family.

So parents, you are the strongest weapon against hate that is out there.  You have the opportunity to change an ENTIRE generation, by teaching your kids to love others because of your differences, and embrace diversity.  Kids aren’t born assholes, somebody has to teach them that along the way.

Gay, straight, black, white, Christian, Jewish, Atheist, Muslim, everybody is worthy of love and to live freely without having to be afraid somebody will hate them simply because they are different.

This is such bullshit.  Don’t be an asshole.

 

Miracles Could Happen Everyday If We Would Just Stop Getting In The Damn Way

We’ve all heard and read about so many stories of abuse and neglect.  Have you seen this one yet?

It’s the story of a 15 year old boy who was found starved and who had died from a bacterial sepsis that occurred due to his diabetes and malnutrition.  The parents went to church and came back two hours later to find their son not breathing.  So they sat there and prayed.  For two hours.  They prayed and just let him be dead.

I don’t get it.  How are people so stupid?

I believe in God. I believe Jesus was his son and died for us and came back to life.  I go to church occasionally.    I grew up in the Anglican faith and that is still what I believe today.  And nowhere that I remember does it say to neglect and starve your children, and then get on your knees so that Jesus can come down and perform a miracle.

It just doesn’t work that way.  I strongly believe that prayers are answered every day, but some of these fanatical religious folks have all fucked up in their head.  God doesn’t appear in burning bushes and the last time I saw an Angel I was pretty high on mushrooms.  When you pray for a miracle, you are asking for God to give His grace to a doctor or nurse to find a way using their talents to save your person.

I feel like sometimes we have to get with the times.  Call the ambulance and THEN pray.  If you don’t get all the right people in the right place, what are you praying for? For your kid to get deader?

I remember my Dad telling me the story of a man sitting on his roof during a flood.  As the water rose and rose, he prayed for God to save him.  Three different times, three different would-be rescuers came by and offered to help him.  A canoe, a sailboat, and a helicopter.  All three time, the man sent the rescuers away, saying that God would save him.    Eventually, the water rose so high that the man drowned.  When he got to Heaven, he asked God why he didn’t answer his prayer and save him.  And God said “THREE times I sent someone to help you, but you turned them away, three times you rejected my help.”

People need to realize that with our free will God gave us incredible abilities and talents.  God still helps out, but WE are the means and the vessels of his work.  Modern medicine doesn’t need to be separated from religion.

When someone is sick and we pray for help, we are praying for a doctor to know what to do to make them better.  When you call 911, and pray, you are praying for the EMT’s to get there in time.  When you pray for money, the answer may come in a better job.

So either these parents were just disillusioned and have their faith backwards, or they are just  neglectful pieces of shit.  Which is a whole other post.  How the hell your parental instincts don’t exist and love and concern for your child trump everything is beyond anything I can comprehend.  And sometimes I think this is just it….these parents were just monsters who couldn’t love their child and used religion as an excuse.  Or to make themselves feel better.

Either way, I hope God makes the right judgement on them.  Because it’s not HIS fault the child died, it’s theirs.

So yes, go ahead and pray.  But miracles are earthly events that happen through earthly beings.  Don’t be an asshole and ignore that.

Stop Ringing My Doorbell, A$$holes Of The Universe

So I have this sign on our door that say “No Solicitors, Peddlers or Agents”. 

What does that mean to all of you regular people who aren’t assholes?

Does it mean to please ring my doorbell, as long as you aren’t selling me something?  Does it mean that I would certainly like to talk to you about your charitable organization while my dogs and my children are now going beserk in the background after the sound of the doorbell made them think that friends were here to play with them?

Does “No Agents, Peddlers or Solicitors” not apply to you because you want to give me a free Bible and talk to me like I didn’t go to church all my life?

And of course it means that the people I am currently working with online who have paid for an hour of my time are overjoyed that you have rung my doorbell and created this fucking circus in my house so that they can concentrate extra hard once the interruption has passed.

Look asshole.  I’ll tell you what the sign actually means, so that next time you won’t have to guess.

“NO SOLICTORS, AGENTS OR PEDDLERS” Means YOU.

It means that if I didn’t ask you to come over, I don’t want to talk to you.

It means that unless someone is dying or your house is on fire, or MY house is on fire, GO AWAY.

It means that even though 8:00pm doesn’t seem late to you, that is the time where I am desperately trying to convince my children to go to sleep by reading stories in a dimly lit room and cuddling until they fall asleep.  And that takes a really long time.  And if you ring my goddamn bell, I have to start the process all over again.  And THAT means you are now cutting into my precious, tiny window of adult time in the evening.

It means that I work from home, and you are interrupting me.

It means that that I already have a Bible, and Jesus knows where I live if there is anything He would like to discuss with me further.

It means don’t ring the bell.

It means that you are running the risk of getting vagina punched.

And it means that unless you are Channing Tatum, Lenny Kravitz, or Madonna, I will hate you.  It means that unless you can prove that you are one of these three people, kindly just go find something else to do with your time, and leave me out of it.  If you happen to be Channing, Lenny or Madonna, the rules don’t apply to you.

Although, Lenny Kravitz is a raw vegan now or something and I’m not sure I can handle that kind of nonsense in my house.  What would I offer him?  HI Lenny, wasn’t expecting you, can I offer you some romaine lettuce and a plum?

Anyway.  I don’t understand why people always think that these signs apply to everyone except for them.  I don’t have any money to give you, I’m already short on time, and I pretty much hate everyone until they prove not to be an asshole, and if you’re randomly knocking on my door your chances ain’t good of gaining anything but rage from me.

I just find all the cold calling and telemarketing annoying as it is, and now people are just starting to go door to door to get my attention.  It’s so invasive.

Seriously.

PS.  Channing, I’ll be waiting.

 

 

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