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Category: faith

I’m Pretty Sure God Would Rather Have A Heaven Full Of Gays Than The Rest Of The Assholes Out There

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“Gays Belong in Heaven Too” by Maverick Mista Majah P

I’ve been having this fight on the internet with some shitlicker who has declared that gay people, and anyone who supports their rights as human beings are not actually Christians.

Ummm, WHAT?

It was in response to a video that I had posted and a dear friend of mine re-shared about many pastors who had changed their view after careful study of those Scriptures which at first glance seemed to condemn homosexuality, but after deeper thought and insight perhaps were giving a different message.

Now I am no great Bible Scholar. I won’t pretend like I sit by candles every night researching verses and how they apply to me today.  But I do know God’s love.   I know what it feels like to be part of a loving community founded in faith.  I know personally how that affects your life and how thankful I am for a community of people who love and accept each other for what and who they are.  I know what its like to observe and listen to people who demonstrate such grace in their life that it is impossible not to want to be a better human being.

And for me, that is the core of Christianity.  It is building communities of people who love and support one another, instead of trying to out-awesome each other by pointing out all the ways that you fucked up life or broke the rules.

Here’s the thing that is beyond frustrating:  The people that basically don’t believe that folks who are part of the LGBTQ community deserve to be recognized as human beings, let alone be part of a Christian circle get hung up on like 6 verses in the entire Bible that even remotely discuss it.  Its like some golden special rule that cannot possibly be interpreted in any other way that they get all fucking wet about and can’t let it go.

Yet they cherry pick what other rules no longer apply from the Old Testament.   They forget about the ones that tell you not to be greedy, or a dickhead, or what kind of meat you can eat, or how many slaves you can own or how many wives you can have.  Us girls even speak in church now and then, which Paul specifically said is a no-no.   So if all of these laws have evolved to make sense in today’s society, why is the gay thing such a big deal?  Why is that the one law that transcends all time and is not applicable to today’s society where people just love each other regardless of sex, gender identity, race, etc?

You know what I think?   I think Homophobia runs wild in the world still and people who are insecure in their own faith have to find a way to feel superior to others. Its easier to  point out what’s wrong with everybody else so they don’t have to dig in and deal with their own bullshit.  Fear and insecurity are a dangerous combination.  And if you can point out how wrong somebody else is, then you must be right? Right?

Look.  Nobody here gets to determine the validity of another person’s faith or relationship with God.  Unless you’re God.

Anybody out there God?

I didn’t think so.

So the next time any of you bible thumping, self righteous, haters of  love, judgy-judgertons decide who can and can’t be a Christian because of some sort of backwards criteria that you have set do me a favour.

Go find a bag of dicks and beat yourself in the head with them until you realize what your actual fucking job is.  Then go and feed the hungry, give away all your money, and learn what it actually means to love your neighbour as yourself.

And yes.   I am a Sweary Christian.   But trust me, I’m sure God has bigger fish to fry these days than to count the fuck-o-meter on my mouth.   Don’t worry about me….me and God are good.

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Listen Ted. Stop Being An Asshole And Just Go To The Fucking Parade Already

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Canada has been kinda smug lately about how we treat our LGBTQ community so much better than the United States do.

But you know what?

We’ve still got our fair share of Bigoted, Bible Thumping, Hiding Behind Jesusers up here too.  And they love politics just as much as those possum-fucking losers in the American Bible Belt.

Why am I picking on the Christians?  Because we are a right bunch of assholes sometimes.

The latest controversy is over the refusal of a Member of Parliament, Ted Falk, to attend the Pride celebrations and parade in a town called Steinbach.  Steinbach is in the heart of a deeply Mennonite community where it is no secret how they feel about gay marriage.

Yes.  I know that the Bible says something about “man shall not lay with man”  or something along those lines.  But I’m pretty sure he also told us that there was a limit on how many slaves you could own and how you’re not allowed to touch a woman when she’s having her period.   By the way, it also has a list of 10 Ways Not To Be An Asshole.   Otherwise known as the 10 Commandments.  There’s a biggie in there about loving your neighbour as yourself.  Check it out sometime.

Here’s my biggest problem with all of this.  Canada is not actually a Christian country.  There are a great many of us who are indeed Christian.  Some of them support LGBTQ rights and some use their faith as an excuse to continue to spread hatred.  But as a Member of Parliament, you must leave your personal beliefs at the door, and support the laws of this country.  You are welcome to try and influence and change laws, but you must uphold the rights of all the citizens.

And unfortunately, Ted Falk, the law is not on your side here.  Bigotry is something that should not be tolerated in any capacity from a Member of Parliament, and I would suggest that your personal belief system is getting in your way of doing your job.

The other problem I have is that I think bigots like Ted Falk here make some sort of weird assumption that a Pride parade and celebration is some sort of recruitment drive.

Honey, have you looked at yourself in the mirror? The gays don’t want you.  There is a standard of fabulousness required that I just don’t think you could ever live up to.

Rather, the Pride celebrations are supposed to be a celebration of not having to hide yourself.  A celebration of being able to love freely who you love without having to fear arrest or abuse.  Clearly, we aren’t there yet, but we are a far cry from those days in New York City where the police raided the Stonewall Inn.  The Pride celebrations around the world are a reminder of this event, and how far we have come in accepting and loving everybody as they are, not how you interpret that they should be.

As a Christian, your job is to promote love and protect your brothers from harm. And yes, they are your brothers.  And sisters.  That’s your calling.

And as a Representative of your country, your job is to uphold and support the laws that are in place, and be present in a official capacity as needed in your community.  And newsflash:  Part of the population that your represent is LGBTQ.

Out of all the laws in the Bible, I don’t understand why we’re allowed to ignore all the other ones from the Old Testament and yet this one is like the Golden Fucking Rule.

I mean, we’re also not supposed to eat shellfish.  Do you take  stand on this, Ted, and refuse to enter any restaurant that has shrimp on the menu?  I mean, how are you supposed to support these blasphemous eaters of shellfish, when God has explicitly said not too?

How can you stand by and watch your children run and hug their mother or cousin who got her period this morning?  The filth!

And how can I, good Christian woman that I am, stand by idly while you clearly don’t love your neighbour as yourself?

I can’t.  Neither should anybody else.

Your values aren’t the only values that matter in this country.  And so, as a member of our Federal Government, you need to find a way to get past your bigoted, hypocritical “value” system and do your fucking job.

Stop making Jesus look bad by using Him as an excuse to act like a dick.  Just go to the fucking parade already.  Wear a rainbow, have a beer and no promises, but I’m pretty sure no one is going to gay rape you.

That was actually the Catholic Church…but that’s a whole other post.

 

If Your Kid Is Fasting, Should That Mean No Pizza For My Kid Either?

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My girlfriend posted on Facebook the other day about her child’s class missing out on all the celebrating during the school year due to the religious beliefs of 2 students in the class.

Every other classroom in the school has had special parties or celebrations throughout the year for all the bullshit holidays like Halloween and Valentine’s Day.  Her daughters class has missed out, because the teacher felt like it was inappropriate to have two children unable to participate.

Fast forward to end of year celebrations.  There is no pagan rituals or Christian things that are being celebrated.  The tradition at this school is for the classes to have each have an end of year pizza party for the kids.  Her daughter’s class is again being left out, because the two aforementioned kids are fasting due to Ramadan and would be unable to have pizza with the other kids.

I’m sorry, but I don’t buy this “building a community” line bullshit that the teacher is towing.  This is dividing a community.  The kids in this classroom are just gonna resent the 2 that have basically rained on their parade all year long.  Instead of having two kids left out, they now have 20, because the entire school is participating in all of these events while this class has to go without because of the religion of two kids.  It just doesn’t make sense to me.

I understand that the teacher is trying to be sensitive to all beliefs, but in the process they are dismissing the needs of the majority of the kids in the room.

One of the comments on the thread was what do the two fasting kids do during lunch?  Do all of the kids now have to skip lunch so that that those two don’t get jealous?

I’m so fucking irritated about this and it’s not even my kid involved.

This is North America.  We are supposed to respect everyone’s belief and cultures.  The way to promote community is to expose the kids to everybody’s culture and beliefs and help them to understand one anothers beliefs.  Spend some time at the end of the year on what Ramadan is.  Help the kids understand why the some kids are fasting and what it means to them.  And then have the fucking pizza party for everybody, and if you’re fasting come and play but don’t eat pizza.  Or if that is just too hard on Little Johnny Faster, then the parents can have the option of keeping them home that day.

I just feel that if we aren’t allowed to recognize any religious holiday and have it influence the activities in the school, why are they allowing the religious beliefs of two kids dictate the activities in the classroom?

I mean, what if one of the Christian kids decided to give up electronics for Lent?  Would the teacher then stop using the white board or ban computer lab for the entire class because of the one child’s beliefs?  Likely not.  If it wasn’t Ramadan and they were having pizza, would all the pizzas have no bacon or pepperoni because many Muslims don’t eat pork?  Likely not….they would just request a cheese pizza.

And yes.  I understand that these parties are not part of the curriculum.  But they are a fun thing at school that kids look forward too, and sometimes its important to just let kids have fun in a learning environment too.

In my opinion, a better solution would be for a teacher or the school  to send out a list of all “special events” that occur during the year, and then allow parents to make the decision about whether or not their child can participate.  Simple as that.

If we’re being respectful of the beliefs and traditions of everybody, it should include the majority as well, right?

What do you think, Bitches?

 

 

50 People

I don’t normally post on Sundays, but holy fuck some asshole went into a gay nightclub in Florida and shot over a hundred people last night.  50 of them have died.

This post isn’t about gun accessibility or whether or not people should be able to own firearms.

This post is a plea to every mother out there to please teach their children to love and respect other people.  This is a plea to all fathers to teach their kids that everyone is entitled to their beliefs or lifestyles or to simply be who they are, and that we solve problems through conversations and love and understanding.

Those of us who live in North America need to get off our fucking high horses and stop walking around like our shit doesn’t stink.  Here we are going overseas and trying wage a “War on Terror”  that we perpetuate in our own damn backyard.  I don’t care if today’s tragedy is linked to ISIS or not.  We do this to people in our own country all the fucking time.

We are just as bad as the terrorists that politicians have Trumped up (pun intended) to be so dangerous and monstrous.   We do horrible things to one another every day.

We judge people because of who they love.  We attack people for who they are, or used to be, or who their parents were.  We abuse folks simply because they have a different skin colour or faith.

We waste our time caring about who is in the fucking bathroom.

We make up things to be angry about because we feel insecure about the choices we have made, and if that guy is wrong, it must make me right.

And meanwhile, while all this bullshit is happening, 50 young men and women lost their lives because of what I can only imagine was the grossest, most evil form of bigotry that exists.  Somebody didn’t like gay people, and felt that their life had no value.

But it had value to somebody.  Each and every one of those people had parents or sisters or brothers or children.  Somebody loved them.

It’s a pretty sick word where the hatred of one fucking asshole trumps the love of 50 people’s friends and family.

So parents, you are the strongest weapon against hate that is out there.  You have the opportunity to change an ENTIRE generation, by teaching your kids to love others because of your differences, and embrace diversity.  Kids aren’t born assholes, somebody has to teach them that along the way.

Gay, straight, black, white, Christian, Jewish, Atheist, Muslim, everybody is worthy of love and to live freely without having to be afraid somebody will hate them simply because they are different.

This is such bullshit.  Don’t be an asshole.

 

Miracles Could Happen Everyday If We Would Just Stop Getting In The Damn Way

We’ve all heard and read about so many stories of abuse and neglect.  Have you seen this one yet?

It’s the story of a 15 year old boy who was found starved and who had died from a bacterial sepsis that occurred due to his diabetes and malnutrition.  The parents went to church and came back two hours later to find their son not breathing.  So they sat there and prayed.  For two hours.  They prayed and just let him be dead.

I don’t get it.  How are people so stupid?

I believe in God. I believe Jesus was his son and died for us and came back to life.  I go to church occasionally.    I grew up in the Anglican faith and that is still what I believe today.  And nowhere that I remember does it say to neglect and starve your children, and then get on your knees so that Jesus can come down and perform a miracle.

It just doesn’t work that way.  I strongly believe that prayers are answered every day, but some of these fanatical religious folks have all fucked up in their head.  God doesn’t appear in burning bushes and the last time I saw an Angel I was pretty high on mushrooms.  When you pray for a miracle, you are asking for God to give His grace to a doctor or nurse to find a way using their talents to save your person.

I feel like sometimes we have to get with the times.  Call the ambulance and THEN pray.  If you don’t get all the right people in the right place, what are you praying for? For your kid to get deader?

I remember my Dad telling me the story of a man sitting on his roof during a flood.  As the water rose and rose, he prayed for God to save him.  Three different times, three different would-be rescuers came by and offered to help him.  A canoe, a sailboat, and a helicopter.  All three time, the man sent the rescuers away, saying that God would save him.    Eventually, the water rose so high that the man drowned.  When he got to Heaven, he asked God why he didn’t answer his prayer and save him.  And God said “THREE times I sent someone to help you, but you turned them away, three times you rejected my help.”

People need to realize that with our free will God gave us incredible abilities and talents.  God still helps out, but WE are the means and the vessels of his work.  Modern medicine doesn’t need to be separated from religion.

When someone is sick and we pray for help, we are praying for a doctor to know what to do to make them better.  When you call 911, and pray, you are praying for the EMT’s to get there in time.  When you pray for money, the answer may come in a better job.

So either these parents were just disillusioned and have their faith backwards, or they are just  neglectful pieces of shit.  Which is a whole other post.  How the hell your parental instincts don’t exist and love and concern for your child trump everything is beyond anything I can comprehend.  And sometimes I think this is just it….these parents were just monsters who couldn’t love their child and used religion as an excuse.  Or to make themselves feel better.

Either way, I hope God makes the right judgement on them.  Because it’s not HIS fault the child died, it’s theirs.

So yes, go ahead and pray.  But miracles are earthly events that happen through earthly beings.  Don’t be an asshole and ignore that.

Stop Ringing My Doorbell, A$$holes Of The Universe

So I have this sign on our door that say “No Solicitors, Peddlers or Agents”. 

What does that mean to all of you regular people who aren’t assholes?

Does it mean to please ring my doorbell, as long as you aren’t selling me something?  Does it mean that I would certainly like to talk to you about your charitable organization while my dogs and my children are now going beserk in the background after the sound of the doorbell made them think that friends were here to play with them?

Does “No Agents, Peddlers or Solicitors” not apply to you because you want to give me a free Bible and talk to me like I didn’t go to church all my life?

And of course it means that the people I am currently working with online who have paid for an hour of my time are overjoyed that you have rung my doorbell and created this fucking circus in my house so that they can concentrate extra hard once the interruption has passed.

Look asshole.  I’ll tell you what the sign actually means, so that next time you won’t have to guess.

“NO SOLICTORS, AGENTS OR PEDDLERS” Means YOU.

It means that if I didn’t ask you to come over, I don’t want to talk to you.

It means that unless someone is dying or your house is on fire, or MY house is on fire, GO AWAY.

It means that even though 8:00pm doesn’t seem late to you, that is the time where I am desperately trying to convince my children to go to sleep by reading stories in a dimly lit room and cuddling until they fall asleep.  And that takes a really long time.  And if you ring my goddamn bell, I have to start the process all over again.  And THAT means you are now cutting into my precious, tiny window of adult time in the evening.

It means that I work from home, and you are interrupting me.

It means that that I already have a Bible, and Jesus knows where I live if there is anything He would like to discuss with me further.

It means don’t ring the bell.

It means that you are running the risk of getting vagina punched.

And it means that unless you are Channing Tatum, Lenny Kravitz, or Madonna, I will hate you.  It means that unless you can prove that you are one of these three people, kindly just go find something else to do with your time, and leave me out of it.  If you happen to be Channing, Lenny or Madonna, the rules don’t apply to you.

Although, Lenny Kravitz is a raw vegan now or something and I’m not sure I can handle that kind of nonsense in my house.  What would I offer him?  HI Lenny, wasn’t expecting you, can I offer you some romaine lettuce and a plum?

Anyway.  I don’t understand why people always think that these signs apply to everyone except for them.  I don’t have any money to give you, I’m already short on time, and I pretty much hate everyone until they prove not to be an asshole, and if you’re randomly knocking on my door your chances ain’t good of gaining anything but rage from me.

I just find all the cold calling and telemarketing annoying as it is, and now people are just starting to go door to door to get my attention.  It’s so invasive.

Seriously.

PS.  Channing, I’ll be waiting.

 

 

So Me And God Are Fighting, And I’m Not Sure He Gives A Shit

I have spent the past few weeks watching friends and family suffer unimaginable losses and changes to their lives.  Loss of loved ones, loss of independence, loss of the life they knew.  Just, loss.

And although the grief of my friends and family is not my grief to own or process, I have to say that when you watch so many bad things happen to good people, it makes you question things that you’ve believed all your life.

I gotta say, Bitches, that my faith is taking a real beating lately.  I am super pissed at God right now and He knows it.  He just doesn’t seem to care. I mean, I’m sure people question Him and get angry at Him all the time, so why would I be a special case that he personally responds to?

And yes, I know that God isn’t really gonna come down and do the burning bush thing or flash flood all the assholes in the world.  He’s already been there, done that and we’re still a bunch of pricks down here for the most part.  I guess that’s where I feel ripped off.  Can’t He just make the bad shit happen to people who are the dicks?  Can’t He let the horribly painful and undignified things that happen to genuinely good people skip them and land on someone who deserves it? Can’t he let someone die without suffering first?

Where are you???  Why aren’t you helping us???  Remember that Footprints poem about you carrying us?  Some of us could use a lift right about now.

And then it dawned on me yesterday that maybe it doesn’t work that way.  Anger blurs our vision and skews our perception a little.

Yesterday I watched a community of friends come together once again to support one another and take on a piece of each others grief. I watched us love one another and provide comfort and laughter in a real moment of shitty darkness. I have seen them do this so many times over the years.  No judgements, no bullshit.  Just raw true friendship and community. And then I remembered what the priest said about being the arms and legs of Christ.   We are God. 

And I guess we have to just be each others people.  I still don’t understand why such pain has to be endured to begin with, but I am lucky to have the community I do.  I am lucky to have my people.

And despite feeling angry toward God for not stepping in at the moments I feel He should have, at the very least I know that when something bad inevitably happens to me, I will not be alone.  Because I have an army of friends so strong and so awesome that nobody will let me fall ever.  And that is comforting.  And maybe that’s the point.

God isn’t hiding in a bush or in the sky or behind the altar.  Those things are just symbols. He actually lives in my people.

Find your village, Bitches.  It takes the edge off.

 

 

Can You Take Time Away From Your Self Righteous Judgements And Just Pray For This Little Guy?

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Royal Canadian Mounted Police in Manitoba           This little guy is missing. Other than praying for him and his family just close your mouth.

 

 

Yesterday I came across one of those “please share” posts on Facebook.  A two year old boy went missing in rural Manitoba, and despite a huge search effort including dog teams and 300 volunteers, he is still missing.

The child was playing outside and then suddenly was gone.  Fucking gone. There weren’t any more specifics than that.

And you know what, Bitches?

People are such heartless pieces of shit.  Instead of simply offering their prayers or thoughts or good vibes or whatever they believe in, they are taking time out of their day to call the parents out.

Yes. You read that right.

The little boy is Aboriginal, so clearly his parents were negligent and this is all their fault.  How irresponsible of them to leave their child unattended.  How could they not watch him?

Or so many of the comments say.  What a bunch of self righteous assholes.

Last fall, I was at the mall play area with both kids.  I had the stroller for Buddy and Destroyer was on foot.  When it came time to leave I put Buddy in the stroller and told my Twee D it was time to go.  So obviously, she pitches a giant fit and ran away from me, into a store.

The store was one of those ones that was open on all sides, with no specific door in or out.  It happened to be a card and gift shop with four aisles and a bunch of fucking displays in the middle.  So as we pursued my Twee Destroyer, we got stuck because the stroller wouldn’t fit around one of the mid aisle displays.  I fucking hate those things.  Even more so now.

By the time I got the stroller turned around and went to catch her, she was literally gone.  Vanished into thin air.

Now some of you may have heard this story before.  I’m wondering…..did you think I was a shitty parent?  Irresponsible?  Not watching my kid?

The fact is that I was none of those things.  It just literally can happen in the blink of an eye. And by the way, I am not Aboriginal either so you can’t blame it on that.  I am white as snow and still managed to lose my kid in a shopping mall.

And the thing I remember most is this horrible feeling that someone had literally ripped my heart out of my chest and was sucking the air out of my lungs for those 30 minutes that she was lost.  A feeling like my whole reason for existing was in jeopardy.

And so when I read about a child going missing, regardless of the circumstances or their fucking race, all I can feel is empathy and sickness and sadness for the family and the child.  All I can do is beg God to return this baby to their mom.  And THEN, when I read ignorant comments from judgy know it all assholes who likely aren’t even parents themselves I just want to punch them in the vagina.

Get a grip people.  There is no such thing as a perfect parent.  And kids make it super hard to do things perfectly anyway.  They are always getting in the way of your perfect shit by accident and making you look bad. And since you can’t be perfect, can you at least be nice?  Have empathy?  Not be an asshole?  Because one day, it will be you who has something tragic happen, and you will need the support of your community without all the judgemental commentary.

Remember when  I asked you all to be nice humans yesterday?  You still have a shit ton of work to do.

Should We Have the Right To Choose The Moment Of Our Death?

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This week in Manitoba, a patient was granted the right to have a physician assisted death. You can read the article here if you want all the details, but as you can imagine, the person is terminally ill and in a great deal of pain.

The Canadian Federal Government has already ruled that Canadians should have access to physician assisted death (suicide) in such cases and the legislation is currently being drafted.

Still, it is a topic for MUCH debate, and as opinionated as I am, this one has me conflicted.

The greatest single factor in shaping my feelings towards the issue is one of faith. My first thought is about fear.  We are generally so afraid to die, and our loved ones are so afraid to let us go that we have become obsessed with preserving life at all costs.  And to me, that’s because we have lost our faith about life after death.  Us humans have become so arrogant in our earthly lives that we no longer believe there is anything greater out there.  So to me, when a patient has decided that they can no longer endure the pain of this earthly existence, it is time for us to let them go, because they know that there is something better waiting for them and are no longer afraid.  They have made their peace, and so should we.

On the other hand, it is pretty clear that we are not supposed to kill others or ourselves.  Is it up to us to decide when life ends?  Is it our job to kill what God has created?  Will we be punished for our decision, regardless of the fact that it was made out of love and respect and compassion?  Is sin ambiguous like that?   Is it the intent behind an action that determines if it really is a sin? Or is it the action itself?

And of course, there is the legal and mundane risks associated with allowing assisted death.  How do you determine if someone has the right to die?  Will there be a clear set of criteria?  A checklist?  In the case that a patient has become so ill they can no longer make decisions for themselves, can a relative decide that it is their time?

I can only conclude this:

Nobody will ever be able to determine how they will feel in a desperate situation until they are in it.  Sure.  We all think we know how we feel about topics such as this until we are truly having to make that decision.  A final decision.

I like to think that I would be strong, and tough it out to the end so that I could spend as many meaningful last moments with the ones I love as possible.  But I would never ever want to drag it out to the point where they are overcome with grief and uncertainty and the quality of their lives is non existent.  Love doesn’t look like that.

Does it?

We allow our pets to be put down to ease their suffering, and I think the hardest part of that is not knowing when it is time to do so.  When I lost one of my pups last year, I didn’t just grieve for her passing, but I struggled really hard with wondering if I had made the decision because I didn’t love her enough to continue to care for her.  I gave myself a real hard time about that.

And I know that people are not the same as pets. Ok?  But it makes me think that as long as the patient is the one making the decision, it will help the loved ones to know that they didn’t sell them short, or abandon them, or whatever.

So.  Should people be allowed the right to die?

Yes.  As a society I believe we should.

And as a human and a Christian, I believe that the moral ramifications of that is gonna have to be between me and God.  It’s not like you’re going to pray for a lightning bolt to strike you down.  God works his will through people, so maybe this is no different.

What do you think?

 

 

Ugh. I Just Used The Term “Time Out.”

I read a story on MSN.com this morning about a Christian couple who just got convicted of assaulting their 14 year old daughter after spanking her with a skipping rope and a plastic hockey stick.  They found out that she had sent naked photographs of herself to her boyfriend via Snapchat.

I have a few conflicting thoughts about this.  I’ve written about spanking and discipline before, but this case is a little different because the child is a teenager.

So, first of all, fucking rights I can understand where the parents were coming from.  The amount of desperate anger and disappointment they must have been feeling was astronomical I’m sure.  I mean, she was fourteen.  I’m actually surprised the Dad didn’t go over and give the boyfriend a good spanking too, because in my imagination that would have been what I would have wished I could do.

But at the same time, she was fourteen.  The father actually gave her the choice between being spanked and being grounded, and she chose the spanking.  Nonetheless, I don’t think that spanking a fourteen year old is appropriate at all.  This would be a punishment intended to cause shame, and pain.  It doesn’t really serve any sort of purpose here.

I think that there needed to be a way for her to understand the inappropriateness and possible consequences of her actions.  To see that the shame belonged in her disrespect for herself and not have it added on by an act performed by her father.

This should have been an opportunity for her to learn about self-respect, and self-control, and vulnerability.  At fourteen she doesn’t have a real knack for foresight, and it’s our job as parents to be that glimpse into the future.

And how do I feel about spanking in general?

I’ve always believed it has it’s place.  But now, after two kids I’m not so sure about its efficacy.

It seemed to work very briefly with Destroyer to grab her attention and make her understand that her current behaviour was not going to be tolerated. And then it just made her very, very sad.

I remember talking to her after giving her a spanking one day, and she looked up at me and said really quietly  “you hurt me Momma”.  At the time I thought, well yeah, it’s not really supposed to feel good.  It’s a punishment.

But I don’t think that’s what she meant.  I don’t think it hurt her physically, I think it hurt her emotionally.  And that made me feel like total shit.

These days, she gets sent to her room.  Or we take something away.  We just try to figure out what her currency is and use that to maintain control.  We also have a counting system.  Sometimes I count to three.  If I’m really pissed I count to one, and then she knows I’m dead fucking serious.

Spanking has never once worked with Buddy.  I tried a few times to spank his little bottom through his diaper when he was being a mega asshole, and he just laughed at me.  So Bestie started just putting him in a chair to calm down as we both tried not to laugh at his devastated little sad face.  It was the saddest and cutest thing I ever saw, and far more effective than any corporal punishment had been.  I am loathe to admit that I have started using the douche bag term time out.  I am also choking on my own words right now, because I hate all those cliche parenting terms.

Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I’ve had to swallow my pride and change my opinion about spanking a little bit.  I still think that it is well within a parent’s right to include it in their toolbox to maintain authority in their household. I believe there is a window in early childhood where you need to provide an immediate consequence to an action.  I believe that the threat of a spanking is a really useful thing. For some kids, a spanking will work.  For some kids, removal from the situation works better.

So have I spanked?  Yes.

Does it work?  Not especially.  Certainly not in the long term.

Did it make me feel like an asshole for spanking my child as punishment for hitting her brother?  Kind of.

And there it is again.  Don’t be an assholeTry not to be an asshole.

That’s really what it comes down to, right?

 

 

 

 

AfterOtis

Written by Natalie Oldham

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