So last week I got caught up in an online discussion about ill behaved children in the grocery store.
A super observant, knowledgeable, and childless woman made all sorts of comments about how inappropriate it was for the parents to have tried to control their child’s tantruming by offering a bribe. Or whatever. She watched. She judged. And then she proclaimed her disapproval on social media like a total cow.
Anyway, the exchange pissed me off. I am so tired of trying so hard to do right by my kids. And having what feels like an army of Sancti-Mommies always screaming about how wrong I am for doing/thinking/feeling/trying/asking/wondering the things I am. Or posting the “how you’ve fucked up your kids for good” article of the day.
And then there’s this new breed of Sancti-Non-Mommies who also want to weigh in on the discussion? Because they took a few behaviour management courses that one time in University?
Also, fuck you.
So in order to deal with some of my feelings (don’t tell anybody I have feelings or I will cut you) , I have been trolling some of the mommy blogging sites in order to tell some of these bitches to suck it.
Does that make me a terrible person?
But here’s the thing: With the exception of the vaccination debate, where your choice does actually affect those around you I don’t actually give a fuck how you parent your child.
Like, not even a little bit.
What I’m interested in is hearing you share what works for you so that we parents can use each other as a resource when we are out of answers and patience. Isn’t that what those sites were invented for?
Instead, everybody is Judgy-Judgering one a another and pointing fingers and making all sorts of assumptions about other people. Throwing out accusations of violence and child abuse if you’ve resorted to spanking or chosen to circumcise your son. The irreversable psychological damage you’ve done to your child by yelling at them. How you’ve brain damaged them by allowing them to eat sugar. Or how your kid will be smarter/healthier/better because you were able to breastfeed and I was just too lazy/selfish/stupid to do the same.
God. We even get up in one anothers business for what kind of birth they had.
And my problem is not with what choices you make for your child. My problem is with the choices you make about how you treat other people. You may always speak to your child in a calm, respectful tone that explains your point of view and outlines your expectations. You never raise your voice to them and certainly not your hand. You are parent of the year in every way whose kid eats what’s on their plate, always follows the rules, never cries or tantrums, loves to grocery shop, goes to bed on time, puts their shoes on the first time you ask, cleans the house, walks the dog, all due to your awesomeness as a human being and in spite of the rest of us fuck ups down the street or linked to you on social media. But when it comes to discussions about managing life as a working parent or disciplining your kids, we are all guilty of being class A bitches to one another.
This is such utter bullshit. We all work our asses off to make our kids have the best lives possible. And at some point we have decided that because something in our circumstance works or does not, it suddenly applies to every other human being out there.
So, to all the Sancti-Mommies out there:
Share your shit, but be realistic. Be raw. We can smell your entitled talk and insecurities a mile and a mouse click away. You are not any better than the rest of us, you are just better at parenting YOUR OWN CHILD than the rest of us. Stop acting like you have all the answers for everyone. Stop making ridiculously overly dramatic statements about what another parent has chosen or tried or failed at. Step off that high horse and let him go and graze in the pasture for a while. Your burden of arrogance and judgement are too heavy for him to bear.
We. Are. All Doing.The Best.We.Can.