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Category: nonsense

In Manitoba, we’re looking after ourselves now

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God I am so tired.

Of literally everything.

I am tired of wearing every hat- employee, teacher, parent, wife, daughter, friend, advocate, mouthpiece, confidante. I am tired of waiting for it to end and it never fucking ends.

I am tired of not knowing, trying to figure shit out, decision making, mitigation, concession making, pivoting, and fighting.

Mostly the fighting. Everybody, including me has their opinion about how to go about fixing the mess we’re in or how to make it better, and we are ALL experts on pointing out the mistakes others have made and all the coulda woulda shouldas in the history of ever.

In the end I don’t think any of it really matters anymore. Maybe I am just feeling abandoned by a government and a community that seems to have just given up. Maybe I am just feeling disheartened that some people are so greedy and stupid and selfish that they seem willing to risk the well being of others in the name of the almighty dollar. Maybe I am just feeling defeated that after 2 years of this fuckery, even the people who tried so hard in the beginning are too exhausted to continue on.

I get it. This has gone on for a really long time, the current situation is pointing to disease that produces less severe outcomes proportionally and appears much milder in the acute phase.In this exact moment it feels like continuing to take pauses and make more sacrifices is overkill for some people. And as much as I hated watching that complete shitstorm of a cuntboxing match of a press conference this week, one gross truth emerged from it: we really do need to take care of ourselves at this point, because the solidarity that used to exist as we all swam upstream in a body of liquid shit over the past couple of years is clearly starting to crack.

It feels like the province has lost control of the situation because they invested in the wrong strategies and resources and didn’t listen to the people on the front lines. (hint- ALWAYS listen to the people on the front lines when you want to fix something) The current strategy appears to be reminding us that our province was the first to implement restrictions 12 months ago and gaslighting the public about capacity while manipulating data and basically just being a bunch of ignorant assholes. Good reason fell on deaf ears as economic priorities took precedence, but it is a fool’s errand. We are already dealing with a loss of access to essential services due to a lack of human resources that I believe will get worse before it gets better.

So at this point, Heather’s statement is accurate. “It’s up to Manitobans to look after themselves” because the system is in failure.

So as I digest this thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that I have zero fucks to give about what anyone else does at this point. I don’t care if the province says they expect my kids to go to school. They aren’t going right now. I don’t care if they say I can’t have access to the same short term supports others will get, because I am still not sending them. I don’t give a fuck if you don’t get vaccinated. Fine. Exercise your right to suffer. If you want to take your mask off and walk around some shitty restaurant with a bunch of other dickholes flaunting your rights and exposing your tiny brains and, go right ahead. I don’t care about that either.

I am tired. I am putting on my own oxygen mask so that I can help my own people. I don’t care if you disagree with my personal decisions, or think everything is ok and I am crazy, or wanna explain this data or that data. Not one person needs to justify themselves to me or anyone else. Do what you want to do. Accept whatever risks you choose. Weigh your options. Own your shit and deal with the consequences or rewards.

Cause in Manitoba, we look after ourselves.

This is fucking bullshit already

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Jesus Christ.

That’s not a swear. It’s a heartfelt plea that we get some guidance and salvation from the absolute fucking idiocy that we are plagued with in terms of leadership in Manitoba.

You would THINK that by now, in the fourth round of this pandemic spawned in the pits of the darkest corners of Hell, punishing humanity for its arrogance and entitlement that we would have the sense to do things a little differently.

You would THINK that by now, instead of letting these absolute fuckpastries of politicians make the decisions that we would start to think hey, maybe, just maybe, it would be a good idea to listen to the people working in hospitals, laboratories, and otherwise highly specialized areas of lifetime study instead?

That maybe instead of blowing billions of dollars on knee jerk reactions we could clue in to the fuckery of donkey ass that is about to happen because of Omicron and invest our efforts in prevention, testing, ENFORCEMENT, infrastructure (a little ventilation, anyone?) and capacity.

That maybe the last thing we need is another goddamn task force with a million dollar pricetag and a new pants suit for our minister of health?

I.Don’t.Want.To.Spend.Another.Year. Locked.In.MyHouse.With.My.Children.

I love my kids, god help me I would fall on a thousand swords for them and throw a verbal assault that would sink a sailor’s ship if you messed with them, but I can’t be all things for all people and continue to keep my shit together. I finally just felt like I was getting my groove back. Like Stella. If you know, you know.

So many of us did the right things. We tried SO HARD to do the right things, despite the whining and stupidity of the right wing cousin humpers and the inadequacies of our governments. And still the barn orgies churches were allowed to go on, nobody got shut down, the test positivity soared, and the politicians gave zero fucks because the VOTES.

Now we have less nurses and doctors thatn we did the last time, the doubling time of the virus is 3 days instead of 34 and even if you aren’t good at math you must be able to understand how utterly jacked in the ass we are going to be.

In the meantime our Premier went to football games and opened hospitals that can’t be staffed, and complained about the lack of an omnipotent crystal ball and told us not to see family while she planned a party at the stadium with 30, 000 friends.

The health minister got her nails done, baked cookies and refused to answer questions. She gave a beautiful performance of getting her booster shot and fucked off to the flower shop to kiss the ass of her potential voters while she passively signed the death warrants of others.

There’s only one thing left to do. I can’t even read the news anymore because DUMB PEOPLE.

I’m going to the LC.

I’m not spending another year in my house because you are too scared to get vaccinated

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The other day I Tweeted this: I’m tired of trying to nicely “educate” folks about getting vaccinated. We’ve been trying for 6 months. Simple solution: Vaxxed folks can resume their lives, non-vaxxed stay home. How’s that for an incentive?

Now, most people caught the jist of what I was saying. I’ll acknowledge that it comes off a little huffy, but you know me. Straight to the point. A few had to get all fucking irritating about it so I thought I’d use my own forum to expand on my thoughts.

I get it, I really do. Everything about this year has been so fucking hard. Everyone has got their opinion about EVERYTHING. I’m not going to rehash all the conspiracy theories and bullshit and reasons everyone is out of their damn minds…but you know what? Even though I think a lot of people have gone completely batshit- I STILL think they are entitled to hold their opinions.

What I don’t believe we are entitled to do is to make choices based on those opinions that are detrimental or cause harm to others, especially when the consensus from the scientific and medical community directly contradicts your opinion. Science will win every damn time for me. And while science is not static and is constantly evolving as we learn more- it doesn’t mean we get to use our fears as an excuse to be assholes.

So when I say that people who are choosing not to be vaccinated should be the ones to stay home and isolate, I meant it. And as they rant and rave about their rights and ask me if I am from China or call me a Nazi-aren’t these the same folks who were telling us to stay home if we were afraid of Covid? Now THEY are the ones who afraid, but the suggestion that they stay home due to their fears and choices is so unfathomable?

I’m not suggesting we actively punish people for their opinions- Lord knows I’d probably be in the clink myself- but choices have consequences. Moral, economic, social. If you have access to the vaccine, and reliable information about the vaccine, and you are eligible, and your doctor agrees that it is right for you and yet don’t take it, you no longer need to be educated. You need to lie in the bed you’ve made for yourself. If you are medically fragile, or have a language barrier or a disability or are facing any other type of barrier to accessing the resources you need to get your questions answered this post is not about you.

Right now our hospitals and ICU’s are so full that we keep shipping folks out of province. And the people in there are not vaccinated people. Some communities have a 10% vaccine uptake. TEN PERCENT. They are getting sick. So if you are not getting vaccinated, YOU are the one breaking the system ( well…..after the PC government already did but that’s a whole other post). We are out of fucking resources. We have a duty to our community to all do our part to come out of this.

As a vaccinated person, I pose very low risk to the public. I followed every rule. I made every sacrifice.I don’t have a fetus growing out of my forehead or a third tit and Jesus didn’t strike me with lightning.I had a fever for a day as my immune system kicked in. So now, pardon the absolute FUCK out of me, but I think that as such I should have a few freedoms at this point, because it is unlikely that I will harm anyone or stress the health care system further. An unvaccinated person can’t say those things.

My point is that we need to go get fucking jabbed unless we want to ride a few more waves. Trust me they are on their way. I stand by the thought that if I have to choose between ALL of us living through another year of lockdowns and “adapting” and sacrificing, or those who are not doing what is right have to be the ones to remain in isolation until we reach enough immunity so that those who really are unable to get vaccinated are safe- LIKE MY CHILDREN, I choose them.

ONE THOUSAND PERCENT.

If you think that makes me a bad person, that’s a you problem, cause I don’t give a shit. I know that I did what was necessary to protect those that needed protecting. I know that I did everything that was asked of me and more….and even if that all turns out to be a giant crock of steaming shit, at least I TRIED.

Apparently, Diva Cups and tampons ain’t got nothing on USB sticks in Manitoba

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Is anyone else confused about the statements made by the Hon. Cathy Cox when Uzoma Asagwara asked her whether or not the Conservative government would commit to making menstrual products accessible for all students in Manitoba Schools? The question was direct, but the answer seemed to be speaking about a completely different topic. Minister Cox rambled on about providing funding for USB data blockers to ensure safety while charging their computers or phones. As far as I know, no young woman has attempted to use a USB stick or a laptop as a substitute for a feminine hygiene product, and I am absolutely dumbfounded by the answer that was given.

Was this simply an avoidance tactic regarding a topic she had no satisfactory answer to, or does Minister Cox not know the difference between a vagina and a charging port? C’mon, honey….one is between your legs and the other is generally on top of a workspace. Unless…nevermind.

I mean, yes, they both have a few common characteristics. Both are holes that from time to time, need filling. One is typically smaller and more appropriate for the workplace. One is usually safe to play with in water, while the other may pose an unnecessary risk when wet.

Does anyone else feel a tad concerned that the Minister of “……and the Status of Women” was asked about the accessibility of menstrual products for students in our province, and she talked about keeping women safe from online dangers? Is it because of lockdown? Are the rules so strict that even Aunt Flo had to do virtual visits and Minister Cox is worried about women being conned by hackers?

Or am I missing the latest? I mean, is there some information available out there regarding the absorbency of USB sticks? Do they come in different sizes? Is there an applicator? Are they biodegradable? Can I safely use a data blocker on heavy flow days without worrying about leaks or embarrassing accidents? Will my IPhone help prevent toxic shock syndrome when safely charged?

Alternatively, perhaps Minister Cox felt uncomfortable with the topic. Perhaps she felt ashamed of menstrual cycles or didn’t want to offend any men in the room with period talk. Maybe the word vagina has been stricken from allowed language in the Legislature.

Or, maybe a tad more likely, there was an unwillingness by our government to address real concerns that are limiting to women, particularly those in challenging economic situations. Perhaps they forget that education is the best tool we have in preventing poverty cycles and that if young girls and women are having to miss school because they have their periods one week out of four, then in the spirit of equity we should support the solution- which is to make them available at school.

It really wasn’t a hard question, and the either ignorant or intentional avoidance of a conversation that should have been so obviously easy was fucking ridiculous.

DO BETTER.

Bedtime Is The Biggest Asshole I Know

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You what time it is, Bitches.    That time where all you want is a little piece and quiet after a full day of tiny human taming.   You need a solid hour with a glass of wine, an episode of The Bachelor, and no other humans talking to you or each other before your exhausted body just collapses on the pillow.

And then Storytime is a dick.   Put On Your Pajama Time sucks a fat one.   Brush Your Teeth Time is a total whore and then actual Bedtime is a steaming asshole that just will not give you a break.

What is it about bedtime that makes kids act like the most annoying humans on the planet?   Aren’t they tired?  Aren’t they excited to go to sleep and replenish their energy in order to face another day of keeping other humans alive and doing all the glamorous things like laundry and cooking and toilets in between working a paid job?   Oh. Wait.

That’s me.

Honestly, MY bedtime is my favourite part of any day.   It’s better than toast ( and I fucking love toast) and a good book or a glass of wine or sex or anything I can think of these days.

I am so tired.  And my tiny humans will not fucking go to sleep.

Bedtime is a real asshole.  The biggest one I’ve ever met.

And then when Bedtime sucks, the next day sucks, because everyone is tired and Mommy didn’t get any alone time and here we are ALL OVER AGAIN with me fantasizing about MY bedtime, while wishing I cold hire a bedtime nanny 7 days a week.   I love spending time with my kids except when I have to put them to bed by myself.

And if you want to talk about The Hour Between Dinner And Bedtime, we need a whole other post for that motherfucker, because he is almost as relentless.

This shit gets easier, right?

This Dieting Thing Can Fuck Right Off

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Almost one year ago, I got on the treadmill for the first time.   I decided that I was going to learn to run, with the ultimate goal being a 10km for my 40th birthday.

I didn’t make the 10 km mark.   Lack of training time and consistency driven by too demanding work schedules, children, nagging strain injuries and just plain life got in the way.

BUT, I was running 5km pretty regularly, and at the end of the day I have become a *runner*.  I had accomplished something I was told and believed I would never be able to achieve, and still have my eyes set on that 10km mark.     So yeah, giant “fuck yous” all around to my inner voice and people in a previous life that were quick to judge the short round girl and what she was capable of.

Anyway, I am 100% ok with being fitfat.   You know, someone whose body type is just never going to be sleek and slim and perfect.   I was happy with being curvy and healthy and not having any limitations in my fitness level.   I was super proud to get on the treadmill and gain power by exceeding everyone’s expectations, even my own.

Somehow though, over the course of the past year and a bit, my weight had surprisingly crept up.  I don’t normally get on the scale, but that fucking annual doctor’s appointment sealed my fate.    It wasn’t like I gained a shit ton, but it was enough to irritate me.

And if you know me, I am sorta anti-diet these days.   It makes me feel like shit inside, it make me feel like shit outside.  It brings up all those unhealthy thoughts and behaviors of pseudo eating disorders from my teens and early twenties and I am so tired of attaching anything about my well being or self worth to the number on a goddamn scale.

And still, I thought to myself last month that maybe if I just made an effort to shed about 20 pounds, it would take some stress off the joints that have been giving me trouble, allowing me to run a little longer and a little faster.   I wasn’t doing it for any reason of vanity or worthiness or any of my usual bullshit.

So, I jumped on the wagon.   I am about 12 pounds down but now this week, despite eating cabbage soup and boiled eggs and all the apples that have ever grown on a fucking tree in the universe, the scale is being a right asshole.  And all of a sudden, I am 17 years old again, and all that matters in getting that number down no matter how hungry and miserable it makes me inside.

Why does that happen?

I just want to run a 10km, Bitches.

To all the humans out there who see someone who is overweight, or underweight, or imperfect in any way, just remember that everyone is trying to be the best human that they are capable of in the moment.  Dieting is such an ugly habit.    I preach all the time about being beautiful in our diversity, that nobody needs to give a shit about what other people think.   And it’s totally true.

But we all have our kryptonite.

Mine is the scale.   It makes me fell weak, and like a failure no matter what it says.   It’s so annoying.

Find your kryptonite and tell it to fuck right off.   Do yourself that favour.   Whether its an object, or a person, or whatever.  It has no business stealing your power.

You are enough. I am enough.

Here’s to a 10km this spring!

Fuckety Fuck Fuck Fuck

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I saw this brilliant piece of art the other day and posted it to my Facebook wall.  And it got me thinking, you know, as shit like this tends to do.

I swear a lot.   It’s worked its way into my vocabulary just as casually as putting on a sweater.  I use the word fuck as an adjective, a noun, a verb, an adverb and pop it into any sentence that needs a little emphasis or colouring.

Now, since I am 100% against assholery, I am able to omit it in certain settings.   I turn it of when working with children or at my bartending job.  But I swear around my own children.  Because its my house and I make the rules here.

I tell my kids that saying “grown up” words is one of those things that you have be a grown up to use.  And that even when you use them, you have to make sure you know your audience.

For example:  Going to a job interview and dropping a couple of f-bombs is probably not in your best interest if you want to land the job.   Colouring a good story with a couple of “fuckins” and “holy shits” at school is probably going to land you in hot water.

But seriously, once you’re a grown up, why does it even fucking matter?   Why is it “profanity”?   Why are people so damn offended by this language?

The world has become an Offend-A-Thon when it comes to petty nonsense like this.   Some Cockbucket decided that swearing is offensive and now we’ve got shit like “no swearing” policies in the workplace.   Seriously?   How about you go and figure out how to do your job and stop monitoring the adjectives coming out of my mouth?   I am 39 years old.   Get a a grip and find something enlightening to share with the world besides your ability to be a completely useless human being.

We live in a place where not everyone has clean running water.   Where women make less money than men for doing the same job with the same qualifications.  Where law enforcement can shoot a man because of assumptions they made due to the colour of his skin.

Where health care isn’t considered a human right.  Where wars rage over oil and religion.  People are starving while some of us throw out extra food.  Children are being exploited and abused.

Shall I go on, or do you get the point?

The point is, FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO BE OFFENDED ABOUT YOU CUNTS.  All this shit going on in the world and some asshole has time to get all worked about the words coming out of my mouth?   Can we please expend our energy into actually making the world a better place rather than worrying about whether I swore at you?

I’ll make you a deal.   I’ll stop using the word Fuck, when someone finds a way to solve all these Fuckworthy problems in the world.   Stop giving me so much shit to swear about and I’ll clean up my mouth.

In the meantime, I will continue to delight you all with my Mouth of Potty.

Fuck Yeah.

 

 

 

Madonna’s Daughter Has Hairy Armpits

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TV3

Omg.

So yesterday, on MSN news, there was an article about Madonna’s daughter, Lourdes looking smashing in a bikini.

Until she has the audacity to flash her unshaven armpits.  I mean, how dare she?   Doesn’t she know that she was being photographed?   Even if the photography was unsolicited, doesn’t she have any self respect?

I mean seriously, how does this fucking bitch live with herself?   How does she sleep at night, knowing what horror she has bestowed upon us, the public who needs to know?   A public who has a fundamental right to know what is going on in the world.

Listen, I get that she was at a beach with her friends, but she is a public figure whether she asked for it or not.   And to blatantly just leave her armpits unshaven for such a long time that we can see it from so far away with a telescopic lens is just not acceptable.   I can’t even believe she did this.

Doesn’t she care about what people think of her?   Doesn’t she care about the example she is leaving for young girls everywhere?   That it is ok for a girl to disrespect her body so much to have hairy armpits and flaunt them in public? HOW DOES SHE GET UP IN THE MORNING?

I don’t know what the fuck is wrong with people today.   Can’t we just live in a reasonable world where people are considerate of others and cover up their offensive body hair?  I can’t even watch the news anymore.  This is absurd.

 

This post brought to you by the most amount of sarcasm a person can hold in their hearts without exploding.

We have children being attacked with chemical weapons, a scary, complicated, no end in sight conflict in the middle east that seems to be escalating by the day.   An idiotic President of the US.  People constantly harming one another.   A divide between rich and poor that continues to get wider and wider.

Humanitarian crisis ALL OVER the world and THIS is the shit that MSN has deemed newsworthy.   Priorities.   Jesus Fuck.

 

 

The Double Sink Life

If there is any silver lining to the past few days while I have lied in a fever induced near death state, or at least a wish for death state, it is that this is the time of year where tv channels have marathons of all the things.

First it was The Walking Dead.  That on was harder to follow as I made trips back and forth to the bathroom during my stomach flu.  But also “Untold Stories of the ER” in which I got to see a man fall off a roof and land his face on a crowbar.   It made my gastro thing not seem so bad.

BUT, luckily for me, one day after recovering from my annual New Year’s Vomit Fest ( no it wasn’t from drinking, it started before I could even have one glass of wine) I succumbed to a lovely case of strep throat.

And with my new death spiral firmly settled, there was a new marathon:

House Hunters/House Hunters International

And if I learned one thing from watching this show, it’s this:

Americans are completely fucking obsessed with double sinks in the ensuite bathroom.

Why is that, exactly?

I mean, every other person on that show who isn’t from the states could give a single fuck about how many sinks are in the ensuite bathroom.

“Oh that’s just not going to work with both of us getting ready in the morning”

I mean, seriously.   What in the hell are you two doing in the sink in the morning that you can’t wait your fucking turn?  Are you bathing in the goddamn sink? Brushing your teeth lasts 2 minutes.    You can’t go find a pair of socks or start the coffee while your husband gargles some Listerine and wait a minute?   Your life will be ruined?

I mean, what a dealbreaker.

How would you feel if you knew that we are a family of four that has the horrible tribulation of one full bathroom with one sink?  With NO ENSUITE off the “master bedroom”.  With just a half bath off the rec room that also only has one sink.

How did we get here, folks?  How did we become that spoiled and ridiculous and in need of such immediate gratifications that we can’t figure out how to share one fucking sink in the bathroom?

Get a grip.  First World problems, assholes of the universe.   Figure your shit out.

Happy New Years, Sorta, Not Really.

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Pixabay

In keeping with all the New Year’s wishes and sentiments out there, I thought I’d write out a few quick thoughts about it all.

New Year’s doesn’t really mean shit to me.

I know.   For most of you, it’s a time where you reflect on the past year, thinking of all the ups and downs.   Mourning your losses and celebrating your gains.   Thinking about all the things you wish you could get back and all the others you’d like to do over.   Desperately clinging to those happy things that you want to freeze in time.

But  for me, the changing of a calendar is just that.   Changing of the number when I write a cheque or sign my name somewhere.

I stopped believing in New Year’s resolutions because I think it’s just one more way we try to tell ourselves we aren’t enough as we are, and somehow the magic change of the calendar year will give us the strength we need to do better.

I started believing in accepting where I was in the moment and embracing it.   And THEN looking for opportunities for growth.  I stopped believing that a new year was the catalyst I needed to do more for myself and my family.

It’s just a number.

So many people have remarked on how 2016 sucked.   But for me, it was just another year.   There were shitty moments and wonderful ones.  Happy tears and sad ones.   And that is just how it goes.

So anyway, I will take the time to wish you a Happy New Year, but most importantly, I wish you all the very best you are able to give yourselves whether it starts today, or March 3rd, or November 30.

And if it takes you until the very last second to make a positive change in your life, the year is not a bust.  It’s not lost.

Have a happy life, Bitches.   Ride hard and fast, and love all the minutes.  Don’t wait for the calendar to give you permission to be awesome.  Just be awesome whenever.

 

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