ihaveanopinionidliketoshare

thoughts on life, parenting, news, and crazy shit

Category: nonsense

F*ck your toilet googling and f*ck your latest conspiracy theories too

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I don’t know exactly what set me off this morning, but it was probably Twitter and its never ending shit flow of absolute fucking idiocy. If I had to pinpoint it, it would be the idea that the latest reports of monkeypox is in fact a new cover-up by Bill Gates or the Elites, that in reality is actually cases of shingles caused by the Covid vaccine. All orchestrated so they can give every one a smallpox vaccine- which by the way most people over the age of 45 have already fucking had.

I can’t even keep up with this moronic bullshit anymore. I just can’t.

I’m just gonna go ahead and say this horrible thing and get it out of the way: If you are so fucking convinced that the government’s primary objective is to vaccinate the fuck out of people to make “Big Pharma” and/or Bill Gates richer so they can continue to run global pedophile rings and kill fetuses while transporting children in wardrobes via online stores, ultimately getting rid of white people and eliminating superior blood lines and violating your rights and making Jesus cry.…..kindly just fuck all the way off. Do not pass Go. Do not collect 200 dollars.

Do the rest of us a favour and just step away from society. I mean, it’s all being controlled anyway, right? How can you possibly trust any of the services provided by society? No more accessing all the resources provided by said governments. No more financial benefits, child tax credits or complaining about government spending, because it won’t affect you. No more banking or mortgages, no more compound interest on your real estate investments or stocks. No more pensions or CPP.

Go ahead. Grow your own food. Provide your own medical care, education and services. Cut your own roads with a goddamn machete and build your own fucking house. Take care of your elderly parents without support. Stay home with your children because you won’t be needing subsidized child care anymore- they are just trying to indoctrinate your children anyway.

But mostly, do us all a favour and get off the toilet and for God’s sake get off of Google and stop pretending that you know a fucking thing about anything. I know how smart and good your degree in Toilet Googling makes you feel, but never, ever EVER has the gap between formally educated people and obviously uneducated people been so apparent.

People literally go to school for like 18 years to learn HOW to do research. And then they practice it for a million more years until they know what they are fucking talking about. Even THEN, they are usually an expert in one very specific field.

I’m not going to get into the specifics of monkey pox versus smallpox versus shingles or their taxonomy or clinical presentations or any of that. Because the information I have access to is limited and that is further limited by my lack of training or experience in that specific field, despite my ability to read things on the internet while taking a shit.

Does anyone else remember a time when we didn’t have the internet and none of this fucking bullshit existed? We stayed in our lanes and didn’t pretend that everyone was out to get us all the time? We recognized what actual expertise is- the long term practice of a specific field or topic that is further characterized by being mentored by people who know more than us and taking their advice and experimenting a little bit and putting in the time and effort to be really, really good at something.

Sure,we had hobbies and practiced those too. But we checked our fucking arrogance at the door and showed some respect for higher education.

FURTHERMORE:

If you didn’t get vaccinated for Covid, WHY DO YOU EVEN FUCKING CARE? If these cases of monkey pox are actually just shingles caused by the Covid vaccine, you’re safe, right? You get the last laugh, right? YOU WERE RIGHT ALL ALONG!

This insanity has to just stop.

I don’t need a special section in the store or a zebra print just because I like food and beer

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I’ve written here and there about my unhealthy relationship with food and body image. It has taken me a really, really long time to convince myself that I am lovable, sexy, worthy, and beautiful as much at a size 16 as I am at a size 8. And over the years, my body has fluctuated significantly, although it seems to be the most happy and stable around a 12-14, with a good balance between fitness, overall health, and eating intuitively while not depriving or restricting myself.

I have to admit though, that despite mostly being ok with what I see in the mirror, the world fucking triggers me a whole lot. Despite efforts by some major retailers to just make clothes and offer them to women of all shapes and sizes (thank you Old Navy), allowing women to make their own choices about what they fell good putting on their body, there is still this common separation in most clothing stores between “regular” sizing and “plus” sizing.

I can’t even begin to describe how much this gets on my tits. What the actual fuck is the point of that? Why do we have to make this distinction where you have to cross the aisle because your ass isn’t quite aerobicized enough to fit into those pants in the “normal” section? Why do we need to make a big deal out of this and imply that there are acceptable body types and unacceptable body types? Why do we have to make it a thing?

And by the fucking way, just because someone is shaped differently or is physically larger than another human, it doesn’t mean they want to wear nothing but loud, horrid prints that look like someone was birthed by a lava lamp on mushrooms. Like fuck, ample girls like solid colours and stripes too you fucking assholes.

It just feels like a walk of shame to go to that small section in the back, full of shirts that were made from grandma’s curtains or unflattering elasticized materials, and the assumption that anyone with an ass needs to cover it with a goddamn skirt for a bathing suit bottom. Why can’t all women wear the same leggings or jeans or dresses, they literally just increase the measurements for each size? Stop making this some ridiculous division that after a certain waist measurement you need special consideration. Some girls just need you to make the pants in their fucking size.

Now as someone who rides a very fine line between “normal” and “plus”- I am small, but round, tight but with enough jiggle to drive most of you fucking wild– I don’t need to worry that somehow my fine self isn’t as normal as a tall lanky amazon. That is just plain dumb. There are different body types and sizes because people simply store energy (fat) differently and some metabolisms burn that shit off easier than others. Some people like to eat stuff. Some people like to move more. Some people would rather read a book and drink a margarita on Sundays than go for a long run in the park. SOME OF US like both but don’t want to feel guilty about either choice.

All I’m saying is that people need to stop caring about the size of other people’s bodies and making decisions about clothing or anything else for them. Make clothes accessible for everyone. Continue to use models with real bodies to promote self acceptance and provide young people with reasonable pictures of what adult bodies look like. Allow us to feel good when we are in a store, not embarrassed because of what aisle we shop in.

And Jesus FUCK stop with the ugly prints. We don’t need to hide behind anything, and we don’t need to look like an acid flashback.

Where do we go from here?

On March 15, Manitoba will follow countless countries and other jurisdictions and remove the last of any public health restrictions that have been in place on and off over the last two years. Everything will now be about personal risk tolerance and choice. There are no more rules, only recommendations. (hint hint freedom trucker fuckers, time to pack in your upside down flags)

Personally, I feel really conflicted about it. I am exhausted by all the back and forth on public health orders and the inability to plan anything with any certainty. I am exhausted by all the debating and double checking of rules and worrying about germs. I am exhausted by the disappointment I have felt in so many people and circumstances over the last two years. This part of me welcomes the return to normal life, even if deep down it feels like so many things are being swept under the rug while the elephant stays firmly planted in his spot in the corner of the room.

We aren’t privy to all of the factors that go into decision making, and while that feels like a deliberate lack of transparency, giving us laymen full access to data we don’t understand and don’t have the skills or education necessary to interpret appropriately, or to even know which questions need to be asked has proved to be a very dangerous thing.

My biggest concerns surround the lack of healthcare resources for anything that isn’t Covid related and the still unknown long term effects of having contracted the virus. Pushing our province into an endemic stage when I’m not sure we really are there (and who knows because all meaningful data collection methods have all but ceased) feels very risky considering the state of our health care system. We are one task force away form an utter disaster of further crisis due to delayed procedures and diagnostics.

All of that aside, where the fuck do we go from here? I am not talking politically or systemically, because that has been a total clusterfuck of idiocy and polarizing bullshit in Manitoba and everywhere else. I am talking about our relationships with others.

I don’t know about you, but living through a pandemic has changed me. It has caused me to re-evaluate many relationships and a lot of them have suffered. Some of them severed completely, fucked beyond all repair. Maybe they were selfish fucking assholes. Maybe I was a hysterical overthinking freak. Maybe we were all just enduring a traumatic experience and clung to different things. I don’t know. But I do know that it has made me way less tolerant of some behaviours and I have made conscious decisions about who I will expend my emotional energy on and who I will not.

So what do we do now?

Do we go about trying to fix things that were broken? Do we try and repair our lives and move forward as if nothing has happened? Do I re-kindle friendships with people who I ethically or morally disagree with?

In a lot of cases that is a hard fucking no for me. It doesn’t mean that people can’t have different opinions. It doesn’t mean that we can’t believe there are different solutions or approaches to the same problems. It doesn’t even mean that our politics have to agree for us to be friends. Dialogue and discourse are normal and needed. I just can’t spend all of my energy trying to convince someone to be a nice human who sometimes puts the welfare of others before themselves. I can’t pull you out of rabbit holes and I certainly will not follow you into them. I won’t have a conversation with you if you are trying to decree if others have a right to exist because of their race, gender,or sexual orientation. There are a lot of circumstances that will begin and end with a “kindly fuck off” and I feel pretty ok about that. I won’t tolerate your bullshit anymore than you should tolerate mine.

So, for me, there are things worth fighting for and things that are not. If I have learned anything over the last two years; energy, both physical and emotional is finite. If I worked with you 10 years ago and haven’t had an in person conversation since and you are spewing idiotic crap on social media that bothers me, I am letting you go. If I have an actual relationships with you and disagree on some things, I will be sensitive to your opinions, but will set firm boundaries. If your risk tolerance to some activities are lower than mine I will respect them and I will hope that you will respect mine as well.

We all have decisions to make and behaviours to choose. I think the next year or so is going to also be difficult, because so much of this is not over no matter what a governing body decides.

A big part of me feels like everything is just fucked forever. There is so much damage to everything and everyone. I can’t decide if the world is repairable or not, and I don’t have any clue where to start if it is.

We are all so broken. Where do we go from here?

Seriously, F*ck Trudeau.

This morning I got up and it happened. After 4 months of tyrannical snow fall and and our 999th blizzard of the month, I couldn’t open the fucking door to let the dogs out. After much pushing and clearing a little snow from underneath I managed to open it a crack just enough for the wieners and the hound to squeeze through and go for a piss.

This is a slippery slope, I mean- sorta-literally. I am basically a prisoner in my house . My freedom is lost. My dogs can’t take a shit and I will slowly starve to death. My children will have no future. Next the internet will go down or my phone and without the ability to practice escapism through bad YA vampire romances and getting to the next level of ZooCraft I fear for our mental health. Didn’t you read all those studies by that doctor on YouTube? The ones about mental health and freedom and snow?

Seriously, F*ck Trudeau. I mean, erecting all those 5G towers so he can influence weather patterns in order to invoke Snomaggeddon and hold us all to his dictatorial pleasures. Making me a prisoner in my own home? Expecting me to use the front door instead of the back door or face this imprisonment? Forcing me to exit my home via the driveway or stay inside? Coercion is NOT a choice.

Don’t even get on me about shovelling. That isn’t how democracies work. I don’t care how much snow falls, it is too inconvenient to have to shovel when I can just walk through it or wait for it to pass. I mean, my sister’s husband’s kid’s cousin twice removed by marriage pulled a muscle while shovelling. And did you hear about Dan? His dad had a heart attack in 1983 and they suspect it was related to shovelling. Fuck that. I am in no way going to clear that snow either. I shovelled once and it will just come back anyway and it doesn’t prevent it from snowing again. Fucking Trudeau. He is probably in on this with China. Importing the fucking snow from China so we can all just become slaves in his plan to reset weather patterns forever. If you support shovelling you are a fucking sheep. Freedom!

Don’t even get me fucking started on the ban on snowmobiles within the city. Those are OUR machines. We paid for them with our hard earned money and should be allowed to drive them wherever the fuck we want. I don’t give a fuck if you are worried that driving them at 160 km/hr in the city poses a threat to your kids. Statistics show that only 1% of children have ever died due to a snowmobile accident. I mean, no one can even prove that traumatic brain injuries were even caused by snowmobiles anyway. They fell and were bleeding but like are they in the ICU because of the TBI or with one? I have my rights you know. The First Amendment says so.

And no, I certainly won’t wear a helmet on the snowmobile, because I am medically exempt from protecting a brain I don’t have. Fuck you for trying to prevent my death. I mean, really. Go fuck yourself.

I say we all jump on our snowmobiles and go to Ottawa and the borders and make sure our voices are heard. We have the right to peacefully protest so bring your bagpipes and your rifles and some flares. If the police ask you to move, grab your kids and get in the way. Line them up along the roads and then make sure to scream about how the police are assaulting women and children because of Fuhrer Trudeau. If there are horses make sure to try and block them with your bodies so that someone can film you getting knocked to the ground and send it to Rebel News. They are just the best. Integrity at it’s finest. Make sure to spit on any journalists who aren’t Rebel News because they are the enemy. Also be mad at them for not covering your story. It makes sense somehow, I promise.

In our protests bring your shovels so our snow wall will be the biggest wall of all time. Bigger than China’s. Longer than the one never finished between the US and Mexico. Hooray for Trump because he also hates snow since he lives in a roach infested pedophile conference centre in Florida. He’s our guy.

And if you aren’t following women home from work threatening to rape them or lighting apartment buildings on fire, is it even a real protest? We gotta make sure everyone hates us enough to convince Trudeau to resign so the Senate or the Governor General can take over and instate someone who hates snow and China and shovelling as much as we do. We cannot live like this under this fascist rule anymore. Real freedom means freedom to choose if you want to shovel or not, without the fear of another storm coming week after week. In fact, it means that we shouldn’t even allow street cleaning anymore. I don’t care if you can’t get to work or get stuck and die on a highway because that hardly ever happens and it means nothing if *I* don’t have my freedom to choose whether the snow is cleared or not. I don’t care if it makes life better for others, because I am willing to die on this hill. Fuck you! Freedom!!

I know if we push citizens and law enforcement to the absolute brink or cry real tears that freeze to our faces they will listen. They will believe us that we are peaceful. They will hang Trudeau like we asked. F*ck that guy. Everything is his fault. We will get our way, because praise Jesus.

Or.

I could have just shovelled the fucking snow on the other side of the back door.

In Manitoba, we’re looking after ourselves now

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God I am so tired.

Of literally everything.

I am tired of wearing every hat- employee, teacher, parent, wife, daughter, friend, advocate, mouthpiece, confidante. I am tired of waiting for it to end and it never fucking ends.

I am tired of not knowing, trying to figure shit out, decision making, mitigation, concession making, pivoting, and fighting.

Mostly the fighting. Everybody, including me has their opinion about how to go about fixing the mess we’re in or how to make it better, and we are ALL experts on pointing out the mistakes others have made and all the coulda woulda shouldas in the history of ever.

In the end I don’t think any of it really matters anymore. Maybe I am just feeling abandoned by a government and a community that seems to have just given up. Maybe I am just feeling disheartened that some people are so greedy and stupid and selfish that they seem willing to risk the well being of others in the name of the almighty dollar. Maybe I am just feeling defeated that after 2 years of this fuckery, even the people who tried so hard in the beginning are too exhausted to continue on.

I get it. This has gone on for a really long time, the current situation is pointing to disease that produces less severe outcomes proportionally and appears much milder in the acute phase.In this exact moment it feels like continuing to take pauses and make more sacrifices is overkill for some people. And as much as I hated watching that complete shitstorm of a cuntboxing match of a press conference this week, one gross truth emerged from it: we really do need to take care of ourselves at this point, because the solidarity that used to exist as we all swam upstream in a body of liquid shit over the past couple of years is clearly starting to crack.

It feels like the province has lost control of the situation because they invested in the wrong strategies and resources and didn’t listen to the people on the front lines. (hint- ALWAYS listen to the people on the front lines when you want to fix something) The current strategy appears to be reminding us that our province was the first to implement restrictions 12 months ago and gaslighting the public about capacity while manipulating data and basically just being a bunch of ignorant assholes. Good reason fell on deaf ears as economic priorities took precedence, but it is a fool’s errand. We are already dealing with a loss of access to essential services due to a lack of human resources that I believe will get worse before it gets better.

So at this point, Heather’s statement is accurate. “It’s up to Manitobans to look after themselves” because the system is in failure.

So as I digest this thought, I’ve come to the conclusion that I have zero fucks to give about what anyone else does at this point. I don’t care if the province says they expect my kids to go to school. They aren’t going right now. I don’t care if they say I can’t have access to the same short term supports others will get, because I am still not sending them. I don’t give a fuck if you don’t get vaccinated. Fine. Exercise your right to suffer. If you want to take your mask off and walk around some shitty restaurant with a bunch of other dickholes flaunting your rights and exposing your tiny brains and, go right ahead. I don’t care about that either.

I am tired. I am putting on my own oxygen mask so that I can help my own people. I don’t care if you disagree with my personal decisions, or think everything is ok and I am crazy, or wanna explain this data or that data. Not one person needs to justify themselves to me or anyone else. Do what you want to do. Accept whatever risks you choose. Weigh your options. Own your shit and deal with the consequences or rewards.

Cause in Manitoba, we look after ourselves.

This is fucking bullshit already

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Jesus Christ.

That’s not a swear. It’s a heartfelt plea that we get some guidance and salvation from the absolute fucking idiocy that we are plagued with in terms of leadership in Manitoba.

You would THINK that by now, in the fourth round of this pandemic spawned in the pits of the darkest corners of Hell, punishing humanity for its arrogance and entitlement that we would have the sense to do things a little differently.

You would THINK that by now, instead of letting these absolute fuckpastries of politicians make the decisions that we would start to think hey, maybe, just maybe, it would be a good idea to listen to the people working in hospitals, laboratories, and otherwise highly specialized areas of lifetime study instead?

That maybe instead of blowing billions of dollars on knee jerk reactions we could clue in to the fuckery of donkey ass that is about to happen because of Omicron and invest our efforts in prevention, testing, ENFORCEMENT, infrastructure (a little ventilation, anyone?) and capacity.

That maybe the last thing we need is another goddamn task force with a million dollar pricetag and a new pants suit for our minister of health?

I.Don’t.Want.To.Spend.Another.Year. Locked.In.MyHouse.With.My.Children.

I love my kids, god help me I would fall on a thousand swords for them and throw a verbal assault that would sink a sailor’s ship if you messed with them, but I can’t be all things for all people and continue to keep my shit together. I finally just felt like I was getting my groove back. Like Stella. If you know, you know.

So many of us did the right things. We tried SO HARD to do the right things, despite the whining and stupidity of the right wing cousin humpers and the inadequacies of our governments. And still the barn orgies churches were allowed to go on, nobody got shut down, the test positivity soared, and the politicians gave zero fucks because the VOTES.

Now we have less nurses and doctors thatn we did the last time, the doubling time of the virus is 3 days instead of 34 and even if you aren’t good at math you must be able to understand how utterly jacked in the ass we are going to be.

In the meantime our Premier went to football games and opened hospitals that can’t be staffed, and complained about the lack of an omnipotent crystal ball and told us not to see family while she planned a party at the stadium with 30, 000 friends.

The health minister got her nails done, baked cookies and refused to answer questions. She gave a beautiful performance of getting her booster shot and fucked off to the flower shop to kiss the ass of her potential voters while she passively signed the death warrants of others.

There’s only one thing left to do. I can’t even read the news anymore because DUMB PEOPLE.

I’m going to the LC.

I’m not spending another year in my house because you are too scared to get vaccinated

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The other day I Tweeted this: I’m tired of trying to nicely “educate” folks about getting vaccinated. We’ve been trying for 6 months. Simple solution: Vaxxed folks can resume their lives, non-vaxxed stay home. How’s that for an incentive?

Now, most people caught the jist of what I was saying. I’ll acknowledge that it comes off a little huffy, but you know me. Straight to the point. A few had to get all fucking irritating about it so I thought I’d use my own forum to expand on my thoughts.

I get it, I really do. Everything about this year has been so fucking hard. Everyone has got their opinion about EVERYTHING. I’m not going to rehash all the conspiracy theories and bullshit and reasons everyone is out of their damn minds…but you know what? Even though I think a lot of people have gone completely batshit- I STILL think they are entitled to hold their opinions.

What I don’t believe we are entitled to do is to make choices based on those opinions that are detrimental or cause harm to others, especially when the consensus from the scientific and medical community directly contradicts your opinion. Science will win every damn time for me. And while science is not static and is constantly evolving as we learn more- it doesn’t mean we get to use our fears as an excuse to be assholes.

So when I say that people who are choosing not to be vaccinated should be the ones to stay home and isolate, I meant it. And as they rant and rave about their rights and ask me if I am from China or call me a Nazi-aren’t these the same folks who were telling us to stay home if we were afraid of Covid? Now THEY are the ones who afraid, but the suggestion that they stay home due to their fears and choices is so unfathomable?

I’m not suggesting we actively punish people for their opinions- Lord knows I’d probably be in the clink myself- but choices have consequences. Moral, economic, social. If you have access to the vaccine, and reliable information about the vaccine, and you are eligible, and your doctor agrees that it is right for you and yet don’t take it, you no longer need to be educated. You need to lie in the bed you’ve made for yourself. If you are medically fragile, or have a language barrier or a disability or are facing any other type of barrier to accessing the resources you need to get your questions answered this post is not about you.

Right now our hospitals and ICU’s are so full that we keep shipping folks out of province. And the people in there are not vaccinated people. Some communities have a 10% vaccine uptake. TEN PERCENT. They are getting sick. So if you are not getting vaccinated, YOU are the one breaking the system ( well…..after the PC government already did but that’s a whole other post). We are out of fucking resources. We have a duty to our community to all do our part to come out of this.

As a vaccinated person, I pose very low risk to the public. I followed every rule. I made every sacrifice.I don’t have a fetus growing out of my forehead or a third tit and Jesus didn’t strike me with lightning.I had a fever for a day as my immune system kicked in. So now, pardon the absolute FUCK out of me, but I think that as such I should have a few freedoms at this point, because it is unlikely that I will harm anyone or stress the health care system further. An unvaccinated person can’t say those things.

My point is that we need to go get fucking jabbed unless we want to ride a few more waves. Trust me they are on their way. I stand by the thought that if I have to choose between ALL of us living through another year of lockdowns and “adapting” and sacrificing, or those who are not doing what is right have to be the ones to remain in isolation until we reach enough immunity so that those who really are unable to get vaccinated are safe- LIKE MY CHILDREN, I choose them.

ONE THOUSAND PERCENT.

If you think that makes me a bad person, that’s a you problem, cause I don’t give a shit. I know that I did what was necessary to protect those that needed protecting. I know that I did everything that was asked of me and more….and even if that all turns out to be a giant crock of steaming shit, at least I TRIED.

Apparently, Diva Cups and tampons ain’t got nothing on USB sticks in Manitoba

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Is anyone else confused about the statements made by the Hon. Cathy Cox when Uzoma Asagwara asked her whether or not the Conservative government would commit to making menstrual products accessible for all students in Manitoba Schools? The question was direct, but the answer seemed to be speaking about a completely different topic. Minister Cox rambled on about providing funding for USB data blockers to ensure safety while charging their computers or phones. As far as I know, no young woman has attempted to use a USB stick or a laptop as a substitute for a feminine hygiene product, and I am absolutely dumbfounded by the answer that was given.

Was this simply an avoidance tactic regarding a topic she had no satisfactory answer to, or does Minister Cox not know the difference between a vagina and a charging port? C’mon, honey….one is between your legs and the other is generally on top of a workspace. Unless…nevermind.

I mean, yes, they both have a few common characteristics. Both are holes that from time to time, need filling. One is typically smaller and more appropriate for the workplace. One is usually safe to play with in water, while the other may pose an unnecessary risk when wet.

Does anyone else feel a tad concerned that the Minister of “……and the Status of Women” was asked about the accessibility of menstrual products for students in our province, and she talked about keeping women safe from online dangers? Is it because of lockdown? Are the rules so strict that even Aunt Flo had to do virtual visits and Minister Cox is worried about women being conned by hackers?

Or am I missing the latest? I mean, is there some information available out there regarding the absorbency of USB sticks? Do they come in different sizes? Is there an applicator? Are they biodegradable? Can I safely use a data blocker on heavy flow days without worrying about leaks or embarrassing accidents? Will my IPhone help prevent toxic shock syndrome when safely charged?

Alternatively, perhaps Minister Cox felt uncomfortable with the topic. Perhaps she felt ashamed of menstrual cycles or didn’t want to offend any men in the room with period talk. Maybe the word vagina has been stricken from allowed language in the Legislature.

Or, maybe a tad more likely, there was an unwillingness by our government to address real concerns that are limiting to women, particularly those in challenging economic situations. Perhaps they forget that education is the best tool we have in preventing poverty cycles and that if young girls and women are having to miss school because they have their periods one week out of four, then in the spirit of equity we should support the solution- which is to make them available at school.

It really wasn’t a hard question, and the either ignorant or intentional avoidance of a conversation that should have been so obviously easy was fucking ridiculous.

DO BETTER.

Bedtime Is The Biggest Asshole I Know

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You what time it is, Bitches.    That time where all you want is a little piece and quiet after a full day of tiny human taming.   You need a solid hour with a glass of wine, an episode of The Bachelor, and no other humans talking to you or each other before your exhausted body just collapses on the pillow.

And then Storytime is a dick.   Put On Your Pajama Time sucks a fat one.   Brush Your Teeth Time is a total whore and then actual Bedtime is a steaming asshole that just will not give you a break.

What is it about bedtime that makes kids act like the most annoying humans on the planet?   Aren’t they tired?  Aren’t they excited to go to sleep and replenish their energy in order to face another day of keeping other humans alive and doing all the glamorous things like laundry and cooking and toilets in between working a paid job?   Oh. Wait.

That’s me.

Honestly, MY bedtime is my favourite part of any day.   It’s better than toast ( and I fucking love toast) and a good book or a glass of wine or sex or anything I can think of these days.

I am so tired.  And my tiny humans will not fucking go to sleep.

Bedtime is a real asshole.  The biggest one I’ve ever met.

And then when Bedtime sucks, the next day sucks, because everyone is tired and Mommy didn’t get any alone time and here we are ALL OVER AGAIN with me fantasizing about MY bedtime, while wishing I cold hire a bedtime nanny 7 days a week.   I love spending time with my kids except when I have to put them to bed by myself.

And if you want to talk about The Hour Between Dinner And Bedtime, we need a whole other post for that motherfucker, because he is almost as relentless.

This shit gets easier, right?

This Dieting Thing Can Fuck Right Off

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Almost one year ago, I got on the treadmill for the first time.   I decided that I was going to learn to run, with the ultimate goal being a 10km for my 40th birthday.

I didn’t make the 10 km mark.   Lack of training time and consistency driven by too demanding work schedules, children, nagging strain injuries and just plain life got in the way.

BUT, I was running 5km pretty regularly, and at the end of the day I have become a *runner*.  I had accomplished something I was told and believed I would never be able to achieve, and still have my eyes set on that 10km mark.     So yeah, giant “fuck yous” all around to my inner voice and people in a previous life that were quick to judge the short round girl and what she was capable of.

Anyway, I am 100% ok with being fitfat.   You know, someone whose body type is just never going to be sleek and slim and perfect.   I was happy with being curvy and healthy and not having any limitations in my fitness level.   I was super proud to get on the treadmill and gain power by exceeding everyone’s expectations, even my own.

Somehow though, over the course of the past year and a bit, my weight had surprisingly crept up.  I don’t normally get on the scale, but that fucking annual doctor’s appointment sealed my fate.    It wasn’t like I gained a shit ton, but it was enough to irritate me.

And if you know me, I am sorta anti-diet these days.   It makes me feel like shit inside, it make me feel like shit outside.  It brings up all those unhealthy thoughts and behaviors of pseudo eating disorders from my teens and early twenties and I am so tired of attaching anything about my well being or self worth to the number on a goddamn scale.

And still, I thought to myself last month that maybe if I just made an effort to shed about 20 pounds, it would take some stress off the joints that have been giving me trouble, allowing me to run a little longer and a little faster.   I wasn’t doing it for any reason of vanity or worthiness or any of my usual bullshit.

So, I jumped on the wagon.   I am about 12 pounds down but now this week, despite eating cabbage soup and boiled eggs and all the apples that have ever grown on a fucking tree in the universe, the scale is being a right asshole.  And all of a sudden, I am 17 years old again, and all that matters in getting that number down no matter how hungry and miserable it makes me inside.

Why does that happen?

I just want to run a 10km, Bitches.

To all the humans out there who see someone who is overweight, or underweight, or imperfect in any way, just remember that everyone is trying to be the best human that they are capable of in the moment.  Dieting is such an ugly habit.    I preach all the time about being beautiful in our diversity, that nobody needs to give a shit about what other people think.   And it’s totally true.

But we all have our kryptonite.

Mine is the scale.   It makes me fell weak, and like a failure no matter what it says.   It’s so annoying.

Find your kryptonite and tell it to fuck right off.   Do yourself that favour.   Whether its an object, or a person, or whatever.  It has no business stealing your power.

You are enough. I am enough.

Here’s to a 10km this spring!

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