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thoughts on life, parenting, news, and crazy shit

Category: sex

NO. You Can’t Eat Off My Plate On The Second Date

Husband and I are about to celebrate our 10th anniversary this September.  We’ve actually been together for 16 years, and I can’t imagine being paired up with anybody else for that long.

Except maybe Channing Tatum.  Sorry, Husband.  But we’ve had this talk.

I just want to take today to thank Husband for not divorcing me and leaving me at the mercy of online dating.

Is this seriously the only way people connect these days?

One of my girlfriends was telling me about her most recent dating fails.  One guy she’s talking to over the course of a couple months or so….on paper seems like a good match.  Until she finds out that he is trying to hook up with her sister at the same time.

And Loser Number two:

As dinner went on he again talked sports. I found myself only asking him questions and nothing in return. He only talked about himself, not once did he ask me anything about my goals or family or try to get to know me better.

Finally our dinner comes, I’m starving.
I didn’t get a huge meal. I ordered Pandara bread, which you know is a small order. He took it upon himself to steal to pieces of my food.

Whoa.  Wait just one goddamn minute.  Isn’t there some sort of rule that eating off someone elses plate is something that happens either after the one year mark or post co-habitation?

And then:

Then proceeds to ask me when the bill is coming if we we’re gonna split it

And then doesn’t even offer to pay?  After he ate it all? It’s like he doesn’t ever want to get laid. Chivalry is NOT dead, gentelmen, despite what some of the hardcore feminists out there say.  I CAN pay for myself, but it doesn’t mean I want to.

Dude, if you are on your second date and you steal her dinner, that doesn’t make a girl extra hungry for sausage later, if you know what I mean.  It makes her want to punch you in the sausage.

Hands of my plate unless you are being cute and sexy and feeding me some of yours.  Some girls like to eat.

I just feel like some of these awkward interactions could be avoided if you were friends first or co workers.

Online dating just seems like a bad interview process, where everybody puts up super non realistic pictures of themselves, trying to lure one another in.  And then you meet in person and they look nothing like their photos, or you find out that when they say they like sports they meant that they were a synchronized swimmer in their late teens or some other shit.

Maybe I’m old fashioned, but I seriously don’t know how you people are going on dates with strangers who’s picture you liked on Tinder.

I mean, it’s kinda like adopting a dog.  You look at pictures on the shelter’s website, and think “OH!  That one’s SO CUTE.”

And then you go down to the Humane Society and the feral beast either tries to bite your hand off, or falls so deeply in love with you on first site that it starts dry humping your leg and drooling all over your new sandals.  And then you take it home out of pity, because who else would want it, and next thing you know you are stuck with some neurotic animal that won’t even let you go to the bathroom alone.

Husband and I met the old fashioned way.  At work.  We got along great, and he was the only boy I ever liked that made me feel all nervous.  I don’t get stupid over cute boys, but with him, I did.  I used to drop trays of dishes and drinks and was just a real mess.  So I told him we should go on a date and he said no.

What an asshole, right? 

But then one night after he had left work and I was working late, he went home, got all cleaned up, and showed back up with a case of beer and asked if I wanted to go to a party.

Umm, duh!

So went and hung out and the rest is history.

So yeah.  Tell me your online dating horror stories.

Better YET.  Write a post about your worst online dating experience.  Ping back here if you want.   I need some more laughs!

I Have A Proposal For The Judge Who Sentenced Brock Turner

 

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By now you have all heard of that fucking little piece of steamy shit named Brock Turner.  The wonderful competitive swimmer who sexually assaulted a young woman at a party while she was unconscious.

If you don’t know the details of what happened, you need to read this article RIGHT NOW. ALL of you.  Especially if you are a man.

Just to clear things up, this is not a case of “he said she said”.  This is not a question of whether or not consensual sex happened.  If you are a man, and you are confused about that, let me break it down for you:

  1. If the girl is unconscious, she did not consent.
  2. If the girl is unconscious, she did not like it.
  3. If the girl is so drunk that she doesn’t remember anything the next day, she did not consent.
  4. If you feel like the only place she will have sex with you is in an alley behind a dumpster, and she is fucking unconscious, she did not consent and she did not like it.
  5. If the girl is bleeding on any part of her body, it hurts and she wants you to stop, even if she is unconscious and can’t verbalize that.
  6. If a girl is so drunk that she cannot speak a full, coherent sentence, she did not consent.
  7. If you feel like you need to run away when two strangers come to her rescue, you KNOW THAT SHE DID NOT CONSENT AND YOU ARE A LIAR.
  8. Sticking your finger in someone’s vagina when they did not consent is rape.
  9. Dry humping an unconscious woman behind a dumspter while fingering her is not only pathetic and disgusting, it IS RAPE.
  10. You are a disgusting and pathetic excuse for a human being and your mother, whether she will admit it or not, is ashamed of you.  She is wondering how she failed you.

And to the Judge, who had more concern with the impact raping an unconscious girl would have on the rapist than on the victim, I have a proposal for you, so that the next time there is a rape trial in your courtroom you may have better clarity in your sentencing;

I propose that you “allow ” yourself to be assaulted in the same manner this young girl was.  Get drunk, pass out, and let somebody finger your asshole while rubbing their hard dick all over you.  Make sure it reaches the news, and that your learn of all the details of your assault through the media.  Make sure to treasure the whole rape kit process and keep those photos that they took of your genitals for evidence as a keepsake.

Figure out how long it takes to stop “impacting” your life.

Then subject your rapist to a sentence that matches your own.  Let him out of prison when you are let out of your prison.  When it stops hurting…..not your asshole…..but your heart.

I suspect your rapist will be in jail a lot longer than six months.

I’m super sorry that this young man fucked up his life by being an asshole.  But he made that choice, and the person he was before he did this horrible thing is gone.  He is a rapist now.  You cannot base his sentence on who he was before.  He doesn’t get special consideration because he was a nice young white dude who can swim fast.

He did not get “20 minutes of action”.  He spent 20 minutes raping a girl and would have spent longer if two other guys hadn’t stepped in, like REAL men, and saved her from further harm.

So what do you think, Your “Honour”?  Gonna take me up on my proposal?

Yeah.  That’s what I thought.

 

 

 

You’re All Naked In Your House Too, Right?

The other day I was out for a drink with some old friends and the conversation inevitably turned towards our children.  As we shared and laughed and vented, we started talking about nakedness.

When does it stop being appropriate to be naked in front of or with your children?  When does it stop being appropriate to let my little nudists streak around the house doing somersaults and handstands with their vaginas in the air or wieners in their hand?

Cause that happens at all of your homes too, right?

My kids love to be naked.  They only put clothes on after many many repetitions and threats.  The phrase “put your vagina away”  comes out of my mouth at least once per day.

I guess I just worry that the lack of modesty is going to turn into either some sort of weird naked thing at school next year and make my daughter the social pariah amongst her classmates.  And I also worry that some fucking sicko is gonna hurt my kid.

I know.  I know.  I need to calm down about this “putting my child’s life into the hands of strangers” thing at school in the fall.  But seriously.  What if she has trouble pulling up her pants after using the bathroom and there is no one to help her so she just decides to say fuck it and run around naked instead?

We are a naked family.  We don’t close doors, everybody knows about everybody elses junk.  I don’t want my kids to feel self conscious about themselves.  I don’t want them to think negatively or weird about their bodies.  I want them to love them, and understand that what they see in the media in terms of body image isn’t really the truth.  I want them to know what “real” peoples bodies look like and that it is okay to love themselves if they are squishy or hairy or imperfect in any way.

But I also want them to put their goods away when we have people over for dinner.

As it happens, a dear friend of mine sent me this article too:

Basically, a father had his baby in the shower with him when the child was burning with fever, trying to calm him down and help bring the fever down.  Mom thought it was a beautiful moment and captured a few photos which she then posted to Facebook.And people freaked out, because they were both naked.

Ummm.  They are in the shower. A parent.  THEIR CHILD.

Shit.  My kids are four and two and they LOVE it when I come in the bathtub with them.  It’s fun, there’s no fighting about having a bath.  It’s moments that can’t and won’t last forever.

Do we live in such a totally hyper-sexualized community that all nudity represents is someone about to get laid?  Is that why people in North America get so crazy about women breastfeeding in public?  Is THAT why girls can’t wear yoga pants or spaghetti straps to school because any amount of skin shown automatically means something sexual or inappropriate is going on?

Get a fucking grip people.

Our bodies are used for sex, yes.  But they are also used for eating tacos and riding bikes and comforting our children when they are sick.  So, my question still is, when should the family nudity start being weird?  When did you start covering up in front of your kids?  I’m pretty sure a 16 year old girl doesn’t need to see her dad grunting one out on the john, but what about a 6 year old?  When did your kids start asking for privacy?

Adulting is hard.  Parenting is worse.

 

 

 

No, Karla Homolka Can’t Live Next Door To Me, My Serial Rapist Card Is Full

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Do you guys remember Karla Homolka?

That crazy bitch who let her boyfriend rape her own sister because of some sick sexual fantasy?  And then let her die after a drug and alcohol combination that she had given her?

Oh, and then she proceeded to kidnap, torture and rape two more teenage girls.  Then she watched her partner ( husband at this time ) murder them.

She videotaped the whole thing and then her and her husband used the videos to reenact things again and again to get off.

She ended up getting convicted of manslaughter and spending only about 12 years in prison for her role in the serial rape and murder of these children.  She married the brother of her defense attorney and has just been found living  in a small town of Quebec with her three children (what the fuck?!)  under a new identity.

And, according to this article, some people think she should be given a second chance.

Ummmmmm, WHAT?

How about no fucking way and fuck you?

She was a serial rapist and accomplice to murders.  The only reason she was able to plea bargain her way down was because the Prosecution signed her deal before the video tapes of the actual crimes were found.  Homolka claimed at the time that she was a victim of abuse and only did what her husband made her do.  What a bunch of actual shit.  She got off on the crimes they committed just as much as he did.

Parents in the community where Homolka now live are freaking the fuck out.  And I would be too.  This psycho’s kids go to their school, so she is seen dropping off her kids at a public school on a daily basis.

NO. JUST NO.

I’m sorry, but it’s not like she stole a loaf of bread.  This woman is a predator who committed horrible crimes of sexual violence against children.  She should never be allowed within a mile of a school ever and if she ever has contact with children should be back in jail.

Serial killers don’t get rehabilitated.  They don’t even know enough about the psychology of what’s going on in their fucked up brains to evaluate them properly, let alone fix them.  Give me a goddamn break.

I am so sick of hearing about all these fucking psycho asshole pieces of shit who get let out of prison and get to go on their merry way like they never did anything wrong.  Why should Homolka get to change her name and have this happy life after what she did?  Why does she get to live anonymously in this community where the parents have NO IDEA that she’s there?  I’m pretty sure I would like to know if a woman with a history of raping and killing little girls lived in my neighborhood.

As far as I’m concerned, the only second chance she gets is between her and God.  She doesn’t get a happy ever after here on Earth.  The parents of the girls she killed don’t get one.

Karla Homolka is not a victim.  She doesn’t have a mental illness that caused her to go off the rails temporarily and do something heinous.  The problem with the world today is that everybody is a goddamn victim of something and uses it as an excuse to be a right asshole.  I don’t care if your Daddy beat you, or if kids teased you at school (which was not the case with Homolka anyway).  You don’t get to go around killing people and offering your little sister’s virginity to some psycho because he called you fat.  I mean if that was the case, I’d have killed a shit ton of people myself already.

Jesus Fuck Canada.  Could you imagine what would have happened to this chick if she lived in the States?  God Bless America today.  Donald Trump and all.

 

 

 

G Is For Gin. One Letter Away From Win.

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Some of the bloggers I know are doing this A-Z challenge, where everyday they use the next letter of the alphabet as their inspiration.  Today is “G” day.

And no.  As much as I love them, “G” isn’t for grandparents.  Or greatness.  Or Grand Canyon.

Bitches, “G” is for gin.

With it’s juniper aroma and delicious and versatile flavour, gin and I go waaaayyyy back.  For a time it was definitely my drink of choice until I whored myself out to tequila in my post birth years.

Gin is what got me into trouble, and tequila is how I’m coping with the aftermath of it.

Here is what gin means to me:

  1. Gin in a martini.  3 olives.  Very dry and the dirtier the better.
  2. Gin in a Caesar.  Don’t judge that until you’ve tried it, and then you will never go back to vodka.
  3. Gin straight out of the bottle before you go out to a club for the night.  Because it’s cheaper than drinking at the bar and then your party is already started when you get there.
  4. Ultimate panty remover.  Gin played a large role in the conception of my children. If you lean in really close, you will catch the faint scent of a pine forest in their hair.
  5. Provides some of the worst hangovers ever but it leaves a faint minty taste in the vomit.  FYI.
  6. Straight gin in a dark room after finally getting a screaming baby to sleep after a really rough day.
  7. Supposedly helps with the taste of a man’s love juice.  I heard from a friend.  I wouldn’t know because I am not a dirty whore.
  8. That I can remember.
  9. Gin Cassis martini.  JUST.DO.IT.
  10. Gin is one letter away from Win.  Losers don’t like gin…remember that when picking your friends.

 

Now unfortunately, I don’t drink gin much these days.  Much as Buddy ruined seafood and ketchup for me while on the inside, I haven’t been able to rekindle my relationship with gin since giving birth to him.  BUT, it took years for me to eat shrimp again, and I can report that I am gloriously pouring ketchup all over my eggs and fries and pancakes (that’s a whole other post) again.  So I have high hopes of a new relationship the G-Man, built on a solid foundation that will come back stronger than ever.

Until then, I will maintain my whore like affair with tequila, because everyone needs a little mexican in their life at some point.

What does “G” mean to you?

 

I Want To Believe Victims, But The Court Needs To Believe The Facts

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pixabay.com

Over the past couple of days I have been reading not only responses to my own article but comments about the Ghomeshi case and verdict in general.  I have also read through Lucy DeCoutere’s post verdict interviews and much criticism about the tactics used by Ghomeshi’s lawyer in court. So I’m still talking about this because the conversation is clearly not over.

In this case, and unfortunately in most cases of sexual assault where the accused is known to the complainant, the only evidence used in the prosecution is the witness’s accounts of the incident.  Therefore, I think it is unfortunately absolutely appropriate for the defense to go after said testimony and attempt to discredit the witnesses. How else is she supposed to defend the case?  Like it or not, we are supposed to have a system of innocent until proven guilty, and all defendants have a right to refute the charges and have a defense team argue their case for them.

We also cannot change the system to one where we automatically believe victims and assume guilt at all costs, because that would lead to victims on the other side; people being falsely accused by scorned men and women screaming rape when they are actually after revenge.

In this case in particular, how can we honestly believe that a woman doesn’t recall sending flowers and writing notes to a man who supposedly assaulted her?   And yes, it has been over 10 years and I’m not sure I would remember every single email I sent to someone either,  but something like a handwritten note with flowers is out of the ordinary enough that it would stand out in one’s mind.

And let’s be real.  These women did not have relationships with Ghomeshi that went past a couple of dates.  They had no reason to ever see or speak to him again. But they did.   They didn’t go to work the nest day and have to see him and convince themselves that whatever happened was a misunderstanding.  They, in my interpretation, actively pursued the man who supposedly assaulted them.  By sending provocative emails.  By sending suggestive notes that said “I love your hands“.  By sending blunt emails that said “I want to fuck your brains out.”

Unfortunately, no matter how they or anybody else try to justify that, if I am interpreting their behaviour as desire and pursuit, how is a man supposed to interpret that?  Women can’t say one thing and mean another and then assume a man can read her mind….because then no doesn’t mean no either.  It’s a total double standard.

We have been trying to promote  “No means NO”.  (And it should) .  We also accept that if a person is in a position where they are incapable of saying no  ( for example being a child, intellectually disabled, drunk, drugged, unconscious) that it also means consent is not given and an assault has occurred.

And if those things are true ( which they SHOULD be), then when does “I want to fuck your brains out”  translate to  ” You hurt me and I don’t like what you did and never touch me again”

I am sorry that these women feel shame. I want to believe them and any other woman who has been hurt.  Unfortunately I don’t know what actually happened behind closed doors.  He could be a total psycho for all we know.  But it is also possible that he is just a kinky guy who liked to fuck around with a lot of women with no strings attached.  It’s also possible that they pursued him a lot harder than he pursued them and then they got pissed off.

And like I said originally, women need to empower themselves.  Not wait for an imperfect system to rescue them.  Especially when “No means no”  and “I want to fuck your brains out”  seems to also means “no”. 

That’s not blame.  That’s not shame.  It’s learning how to protect yourself better in a system that clearly is not able to protect you.

All I can really say is that telling women to mean what they say and say what they mean is  NOT victim blaming.  It’s telling us to send clear messages.  It’s telling us to stop putting ourselves in situations where we get hurt repeatedly.  It’s telling us that it’s 2016, and your best chance of catching your assailant is to get help immediately.  Press charges, find your support system and don’t take any crap. Don’t wait ten years when your memory is foggy and you know that any decent defense lawyer is going to punch your testimony wide open. No one can blame a victim for being victimized, but you can learn to take your power back.

I don’t know if Ghomeshi is guilty or not.  But I do know that regardless of whether it is politically correct for me to say it or not, the women’s behaviour after the alleged incidents, and their lies and omissions in court made me it really hard for me to believe them.  Like it or not, their behaviour does matter, because if you are going to accuse a person of a terrible crime, you better have your facts straight.

I’m all for believing victims, but the court has an obligation to believe the facts.

 

 

So Jian Ghomeshi Got Acquitted, And The Judge Got It Right

For any of you who have been following the Jian Ghomeshi circus/trail, you will know that the judge delivered his verdict yesterday morning.  Ghomeshi was acquitted on all charges.

And I have to tell you, the judge absolutely got this one right.

Now I know the court of public opinion is going to disagree with me on this one, but I honestly don’t give a shit.  I spent a good deal of time reading through the court transcript yesterday, and there is no fucking way the judge could have in good faith come back with any other verdict.  I read the transcript because I wanted to read from the judge’s own words what he based his call on without the sensationalized media feed that leaves out important details and embellishes the ones that sell the story.  If you have a good 30 minutes, you can read it here.

Here’s the thing.  We will never know for sure what the true nature of Jian Ghomeshi’s relationships were with these women.  Was he a rough lover?  Was he a complete dick?  Was he the sort of man who used his celebrity, charm and good looks to manipulate women into doing things they weren’t comfortable in doing?  Quite possibly yes.  But I wasn’t there, and neither were you.

I don’t know if this man actually did what he was accused of or not. But I do know that convicting a man of a crime and sending him to jail for possibly the rest of his life ( The “overcome resistance-choking” charge carries a maximum sentence of life in prison) because a bunch of protestors are outside ripping off their shirts and freaking out is not a reasonable thing for a judge to do.

If you read the evidence presented, no matter how much the court of public opinion deemed him guilty the second he was charged, the judge absolutely did his job in upholding justice and the prosecution failed miserably to present an air tight case where we could believe the witnesses.  The whole case is based upon the credibility of the witnesses, and their credibility did not hold up.  They lied, they omitted, they plotted, and their stories did not hold up.  Period.

If Ghomeshi had been convicted, it would set a much scarier precedent in my opinion.  It would take away the presumption of innocence for anybody, and let’s face it.  The police get it wrong sometimes.  Witnesses lie.  People accuse each other of all sorts of horrible things that aren’t true  for their own gain or for revenge.

NOW.  Let’s get something straight.  I am a woman.  I don’t believe that any man has any right to put his hands on me in any way, sexual or otherwise that I don’t consent to.  This is not about victim blaming.  This is about a case that had insufficient evidence to convict the accused.

And let’s get something else straight.  I am not a victim of sexual assault.  I can’t understand what a woman ( or man for that matter) goes through after being assaulted.  But I also cannot imagine sending repeated emails to someone who beat me and sexually assaulted me and ask them to fuck me again.  I cannot imagine re-initiating contact with someone for months and years after the assault happened and try to flirt with them some more.  I get how trauma confuses you and you try to pretend to yourself that it was a misunderstanding.  And so you go to work the next day and smile at the person and try to keep the peace, because that’s what nice girls do, right?

And to me, that is the most important issue at hand.  Girls always trying to do what’s nice.  Trying not to piss anyone off or offend anyone.  FUCK.THAT.

So, yes.  Ghomeshi was acquitted.  Legally, the right thing for the judge to do.

But let’s not make this the Canadian O.J.  I don’t want to hear about how victims were failed in this case.  I don’t want to hear how this was a step back for women because he got off.

It was a step back for women because we continually accept less than we deserve.  It was a step back for women because we continue to allow men to have power over us because we feel bad when we fucking say NO.  Have you ever noticed that when a women says no to anything, it’s the start of a negotiation?  NO means fucking NO.

We are so worried that we might hurt someone’s feelings or that our steadfast opinion is going to piss someone off or that a guy won’t like us anymore because we don’t want to fuck him.  So we fuck him to make ourselves feel better and hope that he will love us.  And then he doesn’t, and so we try harder the next time.

Girls.  Stop it.  Determine your self worth and stop giving a fuck what other people think so much. Set a new precedent.

And no, putting Jian Ghomeshi in jail wasn’t going to fix all the wrongs that have been done to women since forever.  If anything, this trial should empower women to report crimes against them immediately.  To fight this male dominance shit with girl power.

And no, please don’t twist my words into saying that I am blaming the victims for what happened to them.  I am saying that in our society, women are victimized because the perpetrators know they can get away with it.  Because we don’t report it.  Because we aren’t clear with our desires and intentions.  If we take the circumstances from the Ghomeshi case and learn from them, we can be stronger and more victims would get their justice.  Don’t wait 10 years to find your voice.  You have one now.  You can do it.

So no.  I don’t think the judge got it wrong yesterday.   We’ve been getting it wrong since the beginning of time.  Change the culture.  Take your power back.  Sending Jian Ghomeshi to jail on insufficient evidence won’t do that for you.  Only you can.

 

Valentine’s Day Is Just Another Lame Attempt To Make Me Grow Feelings

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Do you remember Valentine’s Day when you were little?

Everyone made their valentine cards at home and then there was usually some sort of party in the classroom at school and everyone handed them out.  I remember getting so excited to see who would leave me a card.

Of course, I grew up in the eighties, and not in the land of everybody gets one, so I noticed that the pile of valentines on my desk was smaller than a lot of the other kids in the room

Then high school came along.  The student council would set up a rose sale, where people could buy roses and then it wold be delivered to your home room.  I think I got one once in four years from a boy who was gay.

And now as an adult, I couldn’t give any less shits about  Valentine’s Day or any other man made holiday for that matter.  When me and Husband were without children we’d go out for dinner and spend all the dollars and whatever.

But seriously?

Last night we stayed in and cooked giant Flinstone steaks and ate a loaf of ciabatta bread with brie cheese.

And Bitches, it was coconut brie.  Have you ever had that in your mouth?  Because you should.  It’s the best thing that has happened to my mouth in a very ling time.

I was so busy making love to that brick of cheese that there was not a chance in hell any hanky panky was happening anytime soon. Which was unfortunate because I even shaved my legs. Considering it’s February and I have about 7 layers of clothing on at all times, that is  big deal.  That’s effort, Bitches.  But I was SO FULL after dinner that I almost couldn’t even fit another glass of wine. And I always have room for another glass of wine.

Maybe it’s just the trauma of all the rejection in my childhood and teenage years, but I just think made up holidays are stupid.  They are nothing but a way to boost sales and make people go out and spend money that they probably don’t have to spend.

Maybe its all the years I’ve spent in the service industry, watching some new couple awkwardly try to keep conversation flowing on a date they never would have went on if it weren’t for St. Valentine. Watching a girl nervously hesitate when the bill comes, not sure if she should expect him to pay or not. *Always make him pay, honey. You bought a new dress for this shit.*

Maybe I am just trying to keep my heart of ice cool enough so that I don’t accidentally grow any more feelings.

Anyway.

We were happy to hang out and watch the Walking Dead ( which was fucking stupid awesome last night, by the way) and eat of the beef in our pajamas and die of fullness.  That’s romance post babies.

What did you do?  What’s your idea of romance?

 

Sorry That you Punched Me In The Face. Here’s A Bikini Selfie To Make Up For It.

This week the trial concluded for ex musician and CBC radio star, Jian Ghomeshi. You can read a great summary here. He has been charged with assaulting 3 different complainants. Hitting, choking,biting, red fucking flag behaviour on first or second dates.

Unless you’re both kind of kinky.  Which he admittedly is.

Anyway, about a year ago, I wrote this article about it.  As I read through it again this morning, I still agree with most of it.

But here’s my prediction after reading through some of the live Twitter feeds and going through several articles summarizing what happened in court:

I am pretty sure that he is going to get acquitted.  And I am also pretty sure that I agree with that verdict.  The Crown failed miserably to prove beyond a reasonable doubt that he is guilty of what he is accused of.  The defence demonstrated in every single case that the women had lied, changed their stories and omitted truths from the police, the media and the court.  I understand that victims of abuse are traumatized and some of the alleged assaults happened 10 years ago.  But COME ON.  You’re going to forget or think its not relevant that after a dude beat the shit out of you on your first date that you called him up, went on a second date and went back to his place to give him a hand job? Or that you sent him a provocative email telling him you’re thinking about him? With a picture of you in a bikini? That’s not trauma.  That’s desire.  That sounds consensual to me. And maybe that’s all part of the defence lawyer’s plan, but then she did her job.

Now calm your tits.  I still think he’s an asshole.  I still think that his behaviour in the workplace was unacceptable. And I STILL THINK that women should never be afraid to take their power back and report sexual assault.

There has been a lot of activity on line with people screaming about victims rights and the way the victims were treated in court was why women don’t report sexual assault. A lot of time a women’s sexuality goes on trial , but in this case the victims credibility did because they lied over and over again.

Any time a woman is mistreated by a man, they should stand up for themselves.  In the moment.  After the moment.  A decade later. Forever.

But sometimes, is it possible that a woman regrets something that she did because it made her feel dirty?  And on top of that, the man in question doesn’t reciprocate her pursuit after the act?  And then decides that she withdraws her consent after the fact?

Saying yes to that is a slippery slope.  One that makes other victims afraid to come forward. But you can’t convict a man because you want to protect future victims.  And I think that’s what convicting Jian Ghomeshi would be about at this point.  It’s become less about the actual facts in this case, and more about the media circus.  Which would suit Lucy Decoutere just fine as she watches the best role of her life go on with a big bowl of popcorn and a shit eating grin on her face.  ( her idea, not mine)

Here are some thoughts from a friend of mine that sum up the way I feel pretty nicely:

I’ve followed the trial closely. Sarah Boesveld (Chatelaine magazine) did a tremendous job live tweeting from the courtroom.

So my thoughts (very briefly) are as follows. And please don’t take offence as this in no way invalidates women (or men’s) experiences with sexual assault. No question, Jian abused his power and (i’m pretty sure) he’s got a tendency to get pretty rough and has even admitted he’s into BDSM.

Regarding the trial, despite all the lying and inconsistencies, was the Crown able to prove the absence of consent beyond a reasonable doubt? I personally don’t think so.

Were it not discovered independently, we (the public) would never have heard the actual truth. I think Henein and her team did an incredible job.

I hate how this has all gone down – in terms of…REAL victims of sexual assault. In a way, I think Jian is a victim of fandom.

These women lied and concealed their conduct. And then when they got caught, exclaimed “Oh gee…that’s how victims of assault behave.”

Um. Seriously?

You can’t want Christian Grey then take him to court later.

 

I thought it would be interesting to hear what y’all are thinking.

What is your prediction for the verdict?  How do you feel about the trial?

Do you think he is guilty of assault, or just guilty of being an asshole?

 

 

So This Guy Knocked Up This Girl….And Now He’s Suing Her.

Positive-Pregnancy-Test

The other day I read some news story on msn about this guy who’s suing his ex girlfriend for getting pregnant by accident.

Can you even believe this shit?

These two consenting adults had a relationship for a few months, got down and dirty.  She was on the pill, so he didn’t bag his groceries and WHOOPS!  Baby.

So this dickhead is trying to sue her for 4 million dollars because of all the emotional trauma he’s suffered due to an unwanted pregnancy.

First of all, this guy is a doctor.  So he likely knows a little bit about reproduction and that nothing is 100%.  She could have gotten drunk and missed a pill.   She could have been sick and puked up a pill.  She could have taken a medication that interacted and fucked up her pill.  If the idea of an unplanned pregnancy is that fucking traumatizing to you, why would you leave your fate in the hands of some chick you’ve been banging for two months?

Would you leave your fate in her hands about STDs too?  Oh, right.  You did that too.  Because you’re an idiot. Your little friend down south is better off with a raincoat on, and you know it.

Second of all, I laugh in the face of this guys emotional trauma.  Because he can walk away at any point.  Her?  She’s either got to choose to end the life inside her and live with that forever, or keep the child and love it and nurture it and live with that choice forever.  So I’m gonna go ahead and be a sexist bitch and say that if anybody is suffering an emotional trauma here, it’s the mother.

She’s the one who has to endure a pregnancy alone.  Face birth without a partner, face those sleepless nights without a partner.   And Bitches, we all know how much hard work that is.

The judge basically ended up throwing his case out of court and rightly so, in my opinion.  She even refused to allow the parent’s full names to be in the case file for fear that the child would one day grow up and see how their father felt about them.

Maybe the mother should counter sue him for knocking her up and refusing to wear a condom?  How about for suffering the emotional trauma that comes with the realization that you’ve been fucking a total douche canoe for the last few months?

And yes, I get it.  The guy wanted to meet the woman of his dreams, get married, have children later.  That’s his ideal.

But you know what?  Sometimes life hands you shit and it seems overwhelming and you wish it could have happened another way.  But when a child is involved?  A life that, wanted or not, you have helped create?  That is a blessing.  Maybe a disguised one at first, but there is always room to love a baby now matter what the circumstances of their existence are.

So you know what, Dr. Dick?

Just grow the fuck up.

The End.

 

 

AfterOtis

Written by Natalie Louise Oldham.

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