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Bedtime Is The Biggest Asshole I Know


You what time it is, Bitches.    That time where all you want is a little piece and quiet after a full day of tiny human taming.   You need a solid hour with a glass of wine, an episode of The Bachelor, and no other humans talking to you or each other before your exhausted body just collapses on the pillow.

And then Storytime is a dick.   Put On Your Pajama Time sucks a fat one.   Brush Your Teeth Time is a total whore and then actual Bedtime is a steaming asshole that just will not give you a break.

What is it about bedtime that makes kids act like the most annoying humans on the planet?   Aren’t they tired?  Aren’t they excited to go to sleep and replenish their energy in order to face another day of keeping other humans alive and doing all the glamorous things like laundry and cooking and toilets in between working a paid job?   Oh. Wait.

That’s me.

Honestly, MY bedtime is my favourite part of any day.   It’s better than toast ( and I fucking love toast) and a good book or a glass of wine or sex or anything I can think of these days.

I am so tired.  And my tiny humans will not fucking go to sleep.

Bedtime is a real asshole.  The biggest one I’ve ever met.

And then when Bedtime sucks, the next day sucks, because everyone is tired and Mommy didn’t get any alone time and here we are ALL OVER AGAIN with me fantasizing about MY bedtime, while wishing I cold hire a bedtime nanny 7 days a week.   I love spending time with my kids except when I have to put them to bed by myself.

And if you want to talk about The Hour Between Dinner And Bedtime, we need a whole other post for that motherfucker, because he is almost as relentless.

This shit gets easier, right?


This Is Not A Post About Victim Blaming. It’s A Post About Girl Power.


I’ve been thinking a lot about the #metoo movement lately.   Here in Canada, we are not without political scandal.  In the past month we have had our fair share of politicians and influential media people who have been accused of sexual misconduct and left their job or been suspended as a result.

The thing that kills me is the consistency of the feelings the women share.   Nearly every single one of them were in a situation with a man who had power over them of some sort due to a direct boss-employee type of relationship, or the man was in a position to influence their career in some way.

Why does this kill me?    Because I find myself thinking, what girl in her right mind would put herself in that situation?   And what women wouldn’t say  what the actual fuck when some guy randomly whips out his dick and blows a load all over his office floor?   Why wouldn’t you turn down the next round of drinks instead of leaving yourself in a state of impairment that makes you vulnerable?

Well, I guess Margaret Atwood said it best.

Nothing changes instantaneously…..in a gradually heating bathtub, you‘d be boiled to death before you knew it.

The problem is that women, although we have made great advances in terms of choice and lifestyle and rights, have been sitting in that fucking bathtub for so long that we haven’t noticed how hot the water is.   Women feel like they can’t say no.   They feel like they have to accept bad behaviour.  We have been conditioned to tolerate things we don’t like to keep the peace.

We do it in all of our relationships, not just in regards to sexual misconduct in the workplace.  Or out of the workplace.

We are so so fucking worried that we are going to offend someone by being honest about what we want or don’t want.   By asking for what we need and refusing to settle.   We put our own needs last for the sake of others around us.

There is this perception that a woman who stands up for herself is selfish, or a bitch, or just plain difficult.


Nothing is going to change unless we contribute to that change.  And by contributing, I mean turn the cold water tap on and demand better.   Stop accepting shit because that’s what feels easier in the moment.   It’s not easier.

And it doesn’t mean that men aren’t the ones responsible for this crap.   I just feel like we have put the expectation on men to treat women fairly and respectfully and they have been fucking it up for so long, why are we trusting them to them to fix it?

They are the ones who need to adjust their behaviour, but people do what “works”.  It’s been working for men all this time.  And until every single one of us girls says Oh Hell No every single time and demands to be treated as equals, the bad behaviour will continue.

It’s not a woman’s fault.  It’s never her fault.  But it’s our responsibility to fight for something that is better.   It’s our responsibility to catalyze change for our daughters. Sometimes we just forget that we are powerful enough to say no, and that is the message we need to keep repeating.   We need to hear that we will be supported when we say no, and that can only come from changing the current culture and the imbalance of power.



Just Talk. #LetsTalk


Everybody is talking about mental illness this week, mostly due to Bell’s #letstalk campaign.

So I’ll talk too.

I see so many things going around social media about how you don’t need some prescription, just lace up some runners and get some fresh air.

I read another article about the body having a reaction to inflammation causing mental health symptoms, claiming that dietary changes can fix all your troubles.

And of course at the other end of the spectrum people shitting their pants that its an illness, caused by chemical imbalances in the brain that must be treated with synthetic drugs, much like you would treat a bacterial infection with antibiotics.

Although, treating a viral infection with antibiotics gets you nowhere….do you see where I’m going with this?

The truth as I see it, and from my own experience is that every single one of these things is true.  The problem is that like everything else in life, humans have this tendency to push their experiences onto others, and expect others to react the same and have the same truth as they do.

Bitches, that is fucking ridiculous.

Just because you can keep your crazy at bay by going for a run or eating gluten free or having a stress reducing support peacock doesn’t mean that I can.   It’s like saying that because penicillin cured your strep throat, it will cure my influenza.  No two people react the exact same way to treatment and management of their symptoms.   Hell, I don’t react the same to management of my symptoms of anxiety for two weeks in a row.  My symptoms aren’t even the same two weeks in a row.

I mean, there are some repeat performances for sure, but some days the only thing that fixes my shit is a good hard 5km, and other days that same 5km will trigger my fucking anxiety.  It’s so bloody annoying.   It’s like some days my anxiety is a regular, predictable asshole, and sometimes it is just a real cunt that will not be contained.

My point is that living with a mental illness is a learning curve for each individual, and management of symptoms can be done using a variety of methods, including medication. (or some days preferably sedation I swear). Having some sort of expectation about what does or doesn’t work coming from somebody who has never worn my shoes is pretty fucking annoying.   It makes sharing harder, because people get all pissed when you reject their advice.   It’s like dude, the fact that just going for a run and having a cup of chamomile doesn’t make my batshit fly under the radar like it does for you doesn’t make it any less of a viable treatment option for you.  It might help.  But some days, I just can’t people.  Or be nice.  Or give a fuck about what you think.

So when you’re talking, be aware that sharing means recounting your experiences, and listening to another person’s ideas, and validating what they tell you.   It means that they are an expert about their own life, and you are just an observer that they trust enough to let in.

So don’t be an asshole.   If you want to talk, talk.   Don’t force. Don’t judge. Don’t expect. 

Just talk.

Women’s Rights Are Same As Men’s Rights. Also Known As *Rights* You Idiotic POS.


Have you fucking read THIS?

Read it.  From start to finish, including the statement from the US Senate candidate that the article is about.

If you are a Republican, or Trump supporter, or in any way have your head literally stuck so far up your ass that you cannot see what is sitting RIGHT in front of you amidst the smoke and mirrors and self serving propaganda utter bullshit that comes out of the POTUS’s mouth, read this.

If you are a woman, read this.

And then get angry.

Look, women can be homemakers or stay at home parents if they want to.   I have written so many times about the struggle of balancing career and family.  I am of the opinion that if one parent can stay at home or work part time, or you can modify your work life in any way so that your children have the benefit of spending more time with a parent than another caregiver, do that.   I am ALSO of the opinion that those are things that a woman can decide for herself, without the government stepping in and deciding what her fucking role in life is.

There is a lot of pride in staying home with your children.  It’s hard, often thankless work.   It’s emotionally exhausting some days and extremely rewarding the next.   And if you choose and are financially able to make this work for your family, I respect and support that choice.

In no way does that diminish a woman’s right to choose if this is the life she ultimately wants, and in no way does this give men in  Washington, or Ottawa or London or wherever the reigns in making that decision for them.  In no way does this diminish the world’s need for women in top decision making roles for their countries or communities.

It doesn’t make them “career obsessed banshees” and it ALSO doesn’t mean that a man can’t have a home cooked meal at 6:00pm every night, because last time I checked he can cook it his damn self.

Aren’t we past this yet? When are men like Courtland Sykes going to stop thinking that women are around just to make their lives easier? When are men going to realize that women standing up and saying we are not objects or toys or prizes to be won and manipulated doesn’t make us anti men, it makes us anti abuse?

The patriarchy are getting scared, because they want to keep women in the subordinate, supportive roles.   And its really because they know they can’t do it alone and aren’t reasonable and mature enough to share the credit and say thank you.  They want all the credit for everything even though they barely do half the work.  And maybe, they are terrified that they are replaceable by women doing a better job then they are, when the world keeps seeing the same old problems over and over again and perhaps women offer a different perspective and solution.

Oh Hell no, Mr. Sykes.

This is finished, you are right about that.   But it’s not feminism that’s finished.   Every time a man says shit like this you just poured liquid gas on a fire that is rapidly approaching everything you have known for a very long time.   And we are about to burn that shit down.




It’s A Gun Problem, But It’s Not Just A Gun Problem



I don’t even really know what to say.

Here’s the thing.  The US isn’t the only place where regular people like you and me have access to firearms.   We are a responsible, gun owning family.   Our guns are locked up in steel safes that require a fingerprint, an access code or a key (which we keep hidden) to open.   We don’t fuck around, because not only do I have children, but there are other people’s children in my house.

But why then, do we not have the gun violence, particularly in schools, like they do in the US?

Why is this the answer people run to to solve their problems?   How do we go from those kids are assholes to I’m gonna go shoot up a school and steal someone’s child from them? When did shooting people become a solution to your problems?

Its guns, but its just not guns.   Its that we are afraid to discipline our kids.   We are afraid to hurt their feelings or teach them how to resolve shit directly because somebody might get offended.  We are so afraid of honesty and human connection and empathy that our course of action has become to simply just eliminate the problem.

This is a gun problem, but its not just a gun problem.   We live in a culture that glorifies violence in movies, and tv.   We live in a culture where we feel like the only way to protect ourselves is with violence.  We live in a culture where we have forgotten how to pay attention to the signs our kids are giving us because we are just so busy all the goddamn time.

We live in a time where the lawmakers are busy pissing around trying to make the other guy look bad so they can’t be bothered to solve any of the real issues plaguing their country.

We live in a place where you can’t buy a kinder surprise egg or a exersaucer on wheels because its too dangerous but you can buy a gun to keep in your home.

I don’t know what the solution is.   Because its a gun problem, but it’s also a people problem.  We are so fucked up.   We are broken and incapable of being human to one another.   People who aren’t broken by something don’t walk into a school and start shooting up their classmates.

And unfortunately, if you wait around for some asshole in Washington to finally decide that nobody can buy guns and think that will magically fix the violence that is plaguing the US, you will be waiting a really really long time.

This isn’t going away unless we change the dynamic in our homes and in our lives.   And if somewhere along the way the people in charge of shit pull their head out of their asses long enough to contribute by toughening up their gun restrictions, that would be really fucking helpful too.

Sleep well, Bailey.


No Mr.Trump, The Women’s March Wasn’t About The Lowest Female Unemployment In 18 Years


You know, a couple of generations ago, women were struggling to find their place in society.   We struggled to emerge from predominantly being the keepers and managers of our homes and families to join the work force and be accepted more regularly in fields that were saturated with men.  We were struggling with the choice to accept our current roles in the home or to evolve into something more.   Something that equaled our partners.

And then once women were seen more and more in the workforce we struggled with being heard.   With feeling like our ideas and theories and methods were not only as valid as our male counterparts, but perhaps sometimes superior.    And then we struggled to be compensated equally for equal contributions.   And we still struggle with that today.

So no, feminism for me doesn’t have anything to do with how many women hold this office or that office.  It doesn’t have to do with Trump’s claim that we have the lowest female unemployment in 18 years.   We already covered that part of feminism.   We are part of the work force, duh.     Stop taking credit for work begun and accomplished by others.

And no, being able to list a bunch of women that hold office or *high powered* positions in government doesn’t mean a goddamn thing to me when overall the percentage of women in US government is only 24.9%, and men outnumber women 2 to 1 as White House aides.    Last time I checked we account for about 50% of the population.  That’s not equal representation, that’s some representation and it still needs work.

So what does feminism mean to me?

It would mean a world where I didn’t have to keep my keys between my knuckles when I walk out side from my campus studio to my car.   It would mean not making a point to look behind me if I hear footsteps so that I can look a would-be attacker in the eye and let them know I saw them.

It would mean not feeling like I should take one of the treadmills that has only a wall behind it, so that when I stretch after a run some guy behind me isn’t watching me bend over.   So he doesn’t think that the reason I am stretching is actually for his benefit.

It would mean not hearing my boss make a hiring decision based on whether or not that girl had a nice smile.

It would mean people not asking me who’s taking care of my children while I’m at work.  Like it’s so hard to fathom that maybe they are with their father, who is an excellent dad and equally competent to watch his own kids.

It would mean being seen for your merits without bias.

It would mean that my daughter never has to fight to be heard or seen or valued.   That nothing but her hard work and merit helps her attain her goals.  That no man would ever fathom to try and take advantage of her.

It would mean that the word *No* is the end of a conversation, rather than the beginning of a negotiation.  It would mean that men would understand that they cannot use force, or threat, or sex to intimidate a woman to get what they want.   And that women don’t feel like their greatest asset to attain what they want is their sexuality.

Because that’s kinda what it comes down to, isn’t it?   Feminism for me, at this moment is most meaningful as a movement to help men understand that they cannot and no longer will try to control a woman and /or her body.   From reproductive rights and care, to sexual misconduct and rape.  And everything in between.

Get away from our vaginas, stay out of our uteri, and get the fuck over our breasts already.   That’s what feminism means for me right now.

So yes, it was a beautiful day for the Women’s March yesterday, Mr. Trump.   Too bad you don’t understand the context of it AT ALL.








I Don’t Give Shit If Meryl *Knew*


Wikimedia Commons

So, yeah.    Why are we all up Meryl Streep’s ass for her claiming she didn’t know that Harvey Weinstein was an abusive piece of shit who bullied women into sexual activity with the threat of demolishing their career hanging over their heads?

I mean, yes.    He’s a dick, but is that Meryl Streep’s fault?    Last time I checked, HW was a super rich movie producer and distributor that must have worked with someone other than Meryl. 

But now everyone is pissed of at Meryl because they think she knew about what was going on in Hollywood and didn’t swoop in and say something cleverly Meryl and fix it?


Word on the street is that everyone knew.   Word on the street is that a shit ton of women have been assaulted by HW and only came forward now.  Word is that people kept quiet out of fear and intimidation and a strange culture of accepting things for what they were instead of fighting for what should be.   Word is that is was acceptable for a woman to subject herself to terrible things because it was *necessary* to get anywhere in the misogyny that is Hollywood.

So there are two scenarios, in my mind.   One is that, of course Meryl actually didn’t know what was going on.

Now before you all start screaming *LIES*, think about it for a second.   Meryl Streep is literally Hollywood royalty.  She is probably the most talented actress of a generation, hugely respected, well spoken, out spoken and not in the habit of needing a boost from anyone.   Meryl Streep sells movies. HW did not sexually assault her, because he didn’t dare.   He needed her on his side, because she somehow had become powerful in a sea of dickhead white men ruling the roost with sexist rules and abusive priorities.  She did not experience what any of the women assaulted by him experienced, and it may have given her the privilege of being blind to what was going on.

The other possibilty, is that she DID know, but like everyone else has kept her mouth shut.  In this case, why is it Meryl Streep’s job to jump in and save the world?   Why are we putting this on her shoulders?  Scapegoat much?

And if she DID know, and is lying about it now I’m not sure I blame her.   Regardless of who she appears to be, she is still human, driven by human fears and desires.

Expose it all at what cost?  At the cost of losing everything she has earned in her career?   At the cost of being sued or thrown out of the very industry she has literally ruled for the past 30 years?   At the cost of having one less strong woman in a place where women of influence are lacking?   At the cost of much personal attack and detriment?

Would you have jumped in and started to yell “HW tries trades blow jobs for movie roles!” if you were in her shoes?

We are putting one hell of a responsibility on her.

So yeah.   I don’t actually give a shit whether or not Meryl Streep knew about what was going on ( likely) or didn’t know, or thought something was maybe going on, or is lying about knowing or WHATEVER.   We are not supposed to be in the habit of shifting the heat from the people who should be feeling hot as fucking hell right now.  Why are we focusing on Meryl when we should be focusing our energy on changing a culture where men feel like it is appropriate to sexually intimidate women and women feel like they have to tolerate it?

WE ARE WASTING OUR TIME ON THIS BULLSHIT.  We are wasting our resources turning Meryl into a villain when we already know who the bad guys are.

And by the way, Meryl is not the first actor to claim they didn’t know and express how sorry  they were.  A whole bunch of men did that too….

Maybe we just expected better from her.   But holy shit you guys.    Let’s get the bad guys instead inventing new ones.


This Dieting Thing Can Fuck Right Off


Almost one year ago, I got on the treadmill for the first time.   I decided that I was going to learn to run, with the ultimate goal being a 10km for my 40th birthday.

I didn’t make the 10 km mark.   Lack of training time and consistency driven by too demanding work schedules, children, nagging strain injuries and just plain life got in the way.

BUT, I was running 5km pretty regularly, and at the end of the day I have become a *runner*.  I had accomplished something I was told and believed I would never be able to achieve, and still have my eyes set on that 10km mark.     So yeah, giant “fuck yous” all around to my inner voice and people in a previous life that were quick to judge the short round girl and what she was capable of.

Anyway, I am 100% ok with being fitfat.   You know, someone whose body type is just never going to be sleek and slim and perfect.   I was happy with being curvy and healthy and not having any limitations in my fitness level.   I was super proud to get on the treadmill and gain power by exceeding everyone’s expectations, even my own.

Somehow though, over the course of the past year and a bit, my weight had surprisingly crept up.  I don’t normally get on the scale, but that fucking annual doctor’s appointment sealed my fate.    It wasn’t like I gained a shit ton, but it was enough to irritate me.

And if you know me, I am sorta anti-diet these days.   It makes me feel like shit inside, it make me feel like shit outside.  It brings up all those unhealthy thoughts and behaviors of pseudo eating disorders from my teens and early twenties and I am so tired of attaching anything about my well being or self worth to the number on a goddamn scale.

And still, I thought to myself last month that maybe if I just made an effort to shed about 20 pounds, it would take some stress off the joints that have been giving me trouble, allowing me to run a little longer and a little faster.   I wasn’t doing it for any reason of vanity or worthiness or any of my usual bullshit.

So, I jumped on the wagon.   I am about 12 pounds down but now this week, despite eating cabbage soup and boiled eggs and all the apples that have ever grown on a fucking tree in the universe, the scale is being a right asshole.  And all of a sudden, I am 17 years old again, and all that matters in getting that number down no matter how hungry and miserable it makes me inside.

Why does that happen?

I just want to run a 10km, Bitches.

To all the humans out there who see someone who is overweight, or underweight, or imperfect in any way, just remember that everyone is trying to be the best human that they are capable of in the moment.  Dieting is such an ugly habit.    I preach all the time about being beautiful in our diversity, that nobody needs to give a shit about what other people think.   And it’s totally true.

But we all have our kryptonite.

Mine is the scale.   It makes me fell weak, and like a failure no matter what it says.   It’s so annoying.

Find your kryptonite and tell it to fuck right off.   Do yourself that favour.   Whether its an object, or a person, or whatever.  It has no business stealing your power.

You are enough. I am enough.

Here’s to a 10km this spring!



I’ve been thinking a LOT about the whole #metoo thing.  About Harvey Weinstein.  About so many woman being victimized by men in so many different ways.

About how women are embarrassed about their vaginas.   How we treat it like a dirty word.  How we hide our periods out of shame when it is the very thing that signifies our ability to create life.

And I am so fucking annoyed.

Who gave men all this power and why do they seem to just acquire it for the simple reason that they are male?   What in the hell makes men feel like they get to hold power over us because they do the fucking?

I’ve had just about enough of the culture that has just been so accepted in the world.   Girls are things.   We are prizes to be won.  Objects to acquire.   Pets to control.

Well fuck that.

We owe it to ourselves and to the brave women who came forward to call bullshit on this behaviour to force a change upon the world.

This generation is pretty much fucked I think.  But our kids?    Maybe that’s where our real power lies.   Mothers and Fathers have the ability to teach their kids to be different.. To be better than this.   Behaviours are learned, not bred.   Our kids are watching a diseased dynamic between the adults in their lives and we need to find a cure immediately.

Sons watch the way their parents interact.  They listen to the words that are exchanged and imitate them all the time.   Fathers have an immeasurable responsibility to model to their male children what is respectful and what is not.  Mothers have the same responsibility to teach their sons how love and loyalty and trust is earned, not begotten.

Mothers need to show their daughters that they are not required to please anyone but themselves, and that it is ok to demand better.  And fathers need to show their daughters that love from a man does not come with conditions.  It is not a commodity to be traded.

This isn’t about sex.  Boys will NOT be boys.  Because  *NEWS FLASH* girls like to have sex too.  This is about power.   It’s about immediate gratification.   It’s about greed.  Not all men are predators, but all men have the opportunity to change the status quo.

I’m not sure what counts as being abused or harassed.  I tell a dirty joke like anyone’s business.  I make innuendos with my friends.  We laugh a lot at shit like that.

I do remember being  an 18 year old girl hanging out with a bunch of friends, flirting with a guy, kissing a guy….and then not being interested in going home to bed with him.  And then he lied and told our mutual friends horrible dirty things about me the next day.  What made him think that I deserved to be punished for not giving him what he wanted?   What made me obligated to go home and suck his dick?  And what made him think that showing interest in him was the same as signing a blood contract? That he was then entitled to some sort of gratification?

So yeah.   I guess me too.  You too. Her too. Us too.    Holy Fuck.

But my hope for my daughter is for it to be #notme.  And for my son to be able to say #nother.

And for the assholes in this world to just #fuckoff.




Thank God Justine Damond Was White


I keep reading all these articles about the Australian woman shot and killed in Minneapolis by police.

And it’s a terrible tragedy.  My heart and condolences go out to the family of Justine Damond.  No parent or spouse or child should ever have to wonder why the fuck a police officer would freak out and shoot their loved one for absolutely no cause.

That’s just it, though, isn’t it?

It’s taken a white woman who had called 911 as a witness to a potential crime getting mistakenly ( or intentionally, who knows) shot by a law enforcement individual sworn to protect her to enrage the community enough that people are losing their jobs.   The Chief of Police has resigned.   People are demanding that the mayor resign.

I guess its a good thing she was white or nobody would give a fuck, eh?

If it had been a black woman it probably would not have even made it in the news, because that fucking happens ALL THE TIME.   We are almost desensitized to it.   Or we make assumptions that she must have reached for a weapon or the officers had reason to fear for their own well being.  They must have been justified somehow.  Or we think that its an honest mistake.

If it had been a black woman we’d just have a bunch of black people from her community holding vigils and protesting.  Grieving their loss and wondering how this could be happening over and over again and then a shit ton of police in riot gear would show up to keep the *peace* that they fucking broke to begin with.

But no.   Thank God for Justine Damond being white.  All it took was for a white woman to be the victim of the very same violence that black citizens have been subject to since forever for the city to be turned upside fucking down. Maybe it opened people’s eyes enough for them to experience the outrage of a human being who has no intention of doing harm getting killed by a trigger happy police force.   Now a white girl got killed so some heads are rolling.   There is an appropriate and much needed reaction happening and real investigations happening into the behaviour and the culture of policing in that city.

And although I’m sure it isn’t any consolation to Justine Diamond’s family, maybe her death will have a purpose. Maybe there will be some justice for her.  Maybe her death will help to change these bullshit scenarios of police violence in the US.

Maybe it will be a step in the right direction.

But I’m not holding my breath.




Written by Natalie Oldham

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