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Tag: health

I Used To Try And Drown My Problems In Wine, Now I Just Run Away From Them



Back in January, I started running.

No, really!

I decided that I was gonna do something for myself this year.    I didn’t book a trip or get my hair done.   I didn’t spend a ridiculous amount of money on a pair of shoes.

I wanted something where I could pursue solitude and independence from all of the other hats I wear on a daily basis.   I wanted to not have to talk to anybody and accomplish some monumental.

Well, monumental for me, that is.

So I decided that I would celebrate my upcoming 40th birthday in October by running a 10km race.

With a bit of encouragement from a dear friend, I quietly started a “Couch to 5km” program that I downloaded from the internet.   It starts you really slow, assuming that you have a zero grade fitness level and builds you up gradually.   The first week you maybe spend about 7 or 8 minutes of a 30 minute workout running.

I posted about my goals and progress on social media to keep myself accountable and make it real.

And let me tell you.  I thought I was gonna puke, faint or even die those first few weeks.   It was awful.  I started googling how high your heart rate was able to go before it literally explodes from your chest.   I had to force myself to get on that treadmill.

And then a few weeks in, it suddenly started to get easier, and I was running for longer periods.   And longer distances.  And all of a sudden, I ran my first 5km.   It had seemed so out of reach and impossible for me, but I fucking did it.

And I’m pretty sure the scale has not budged.  

Despite people commenting about weight I’ve lost……I don’t think I have.

I haven’t been dieting.  Not even a little bit.   I try to eat balanced meals that make me happy and have energy to feel good during my runs.   The things I enjoy.   Losing weight as in fat was never the goal of this.   I was searching to shed the weight of a lifetime battle with body image and a constantly negative conversation that I was having with myself about food.   “You shouldn’t eat that.   Carbs are bad.   That has zero points.  Empty calories. “

After those first few weeks and things started to get easier, I started to feel different about myself.    I’ve always tried to celebrate my curves and preach loving yourself at any size.

But for the first time I actually felt that way inside.

Once I started to get over the number on the scale or on the tag of my pants and concentrate on numbers like kilometers, minutes and heart rate, I gained power over a lifetime of never feeling like I was quite beautiful enough.

Because fuck it.   Now I could do something that I never could before.   I was proud of my body.   I was proud of the strength it’s been gaining.   I was proud to be the size I am and killing those miles every week.  It has been so empowering.

And now when I sit down to eat dinner, I don’t torture myself.   I literally eat what I want, when I’m hungry.    I don’t obsess about calories or fat or shame and then overeat because I am so busy trying to not eat the whole plate that I forget to enjoy what’s there and pay attention to the moment I feel satisfied.

I feel like after a lifetime of struggling with a very unhealthy vision of food, I have found a way to make my peace with it.   By letting go of stupid shit and giving myself permission to love what my body can do no matter what the scale says.

So now I don’t get on it.   I just give it the finger and don’t care.

And its funny, because I have gotten a lot of messages and emails from girls I know or knew or sorta know on social media, asking me how I got started because they want to lose weight.

And I am definitely no guru, and certainly not a fitness expert.   But I am an expert of self loathing, and I can tell you all this:

Once you change the goal from shedding weight to shedding hate, and set a goal that you see yourself achieving, you will succeed at this journey of health and self love.   The scale can’t and won’t give you that.  Just let it go.   Let. It.Go.

It’s amazing how such a simple goal has made such an impact on my whole life.   Find yours Bitches!  Tell me all about it!!



Body Confident Challenge: Name 5 Things You Love About Your Body


I just read this article on Huffington Post this morning about women’s body confidence.

And the thing that stood out to me was that only 22% of women in Canada feel confident about their body.


I know it’s a little early for math, but Bitches, that means that 78%, or more than 3/4 of us girls don’t feel good about ourselves.

That’s a staggering statistic.

The above article suggests that the media is to blame, and it is.  It’s to blame because of all the unrealistic images plastered across our screens.  It’s because of all the filtered photos we post of ourselves on social media, where we try as hard as we can to look perfect before sharing our lives.  It’s because of all the airbrushed celebrities and supermodels gracing the red carpets and magazine covers.


Those things can only penetrate into your brain if you let it.

Parents:  We need to start leading by example and loving ourselves better in our current state.  We need to be more careful about the language we use in front of our children so that they don’t believe the most important thing about them is the shape of their body or colour of their hair. We need to stop planting the seed that beauty is only something to be measured on the outside. We need to show love and acceptance for ourselves no matter what shape it happens to be. We just need to stop all trying to be the same.

And yes.  I am like every other woman out there who sometimes mourns her pre-baby body.  I, like ever other woman, diet from time to time.  I, like every other woman see things in the mirror that I don’t like, and wish to change.

And I think all of those things are normal.  It’s ok to recognize if I have been eating in an unhealthy way and want to gain control of that.  It’s ok to recognize I can take better physical care of myself and become stronger and healthier.

But what’s not ok is beating ourselves up because we don’t all fit into the same mold.

Stop trying to fit into a round hole if you are a square peg. If you are built like bull mastiff, don’t feel bad that you don’t look like a chihuahua.

22%.  Jesus.  What the fuck, you guys?

We need to turn this around.  Can you all find 5 things you love about yourself and tell me about them?  I want to hear you love yourself openly.

It’s not bragging.  It’s ok to have nice things to say about yourself.  And then find 5 nice things to say about someone near you.

Because 22% is just bullshit.  No matter what your body looks like, no matter if you are growing, shrinking, or anything in between, you are beautiful and simply on the same journey that every other woman is on.

I’ll start:

  1. Tits for days, Bitches.   I have great tits.
  2. I have great posture.  It makes me stand tall and never back down.
  3. Super steroid eyelashes.  No mascara needed.
  4. I have really strong arms and shoulders.
  5. My ass don’t quit.  *mic drop*

Seriously.  Bloggers:  I want your list of five reasons to feel good about your body.  Make your list, ping back here. Include a photo so we can all find 5 nice things to say about you in return. Link to social media, and let’s make this a thing.  A giant body confident “I am beautiful” circle jerk.

Because. Fuck. Yeah.

I want that 22 % to become 122%.



I’ll Know I Have A Bikini Ready Body When My Bikini Is On My Body



As I’m scrolling through the news this morning, there were three articles about wearing bikinis.  Three!

Yes, I get it.  Bikinis are awesome.  I happen to own a few myself.  But I honestly had no idea they were so news worthy.

There were two articles about celebrities and their bikini bodies.  One was about Jennifer Aniston wanting to wear one when she’s 80.  Another about some celebrity and her “fit bikini body”. And then one more about regular people getting bikini ready or some other shit trying to convince women that they aren’t beautiful right now.

And that’s the irritating part.

You how I get bikini ready?

  • I wait for hot weather.
  • I look for a place to swim.
  • I put on my bikini.

I am so sick of the news trying to make me feel like I am not good enough or beautiful enough and that something about me always needs fixing.  Weather it be my ass or my skin or my hair or my attitude.

5 million Syrian refugees with no homes and no where to go.  Wars everywhere.  Economic and environmental crisis.  And you want to talk about whether or not my ass belongs in a bikini?

Fine. Let’s do that too. Here are all my reasons to love bikinis RIGHT NOW.

  1. Because I look hot in one, no matter what your fucking article says about getting a beach ready body.  My body is on the beach.  Therefore it is ready.
  2. I’ve had two children, which means I have limited bladder control.  A wet bikini is a lot easier than a one piece to pull off when using the bathroom.
  3. Breasts need a little support sometimes too.  Underwire!
  4. I can wear two different sizes to accommodate my assets on top at the same time!
  5. Husbands.  All husbands love bikinis.
  6. Princess Leia.  Gold bikini.  *mic drop*

I get it.  The diet and fitness industry is a million dollar industry.  Maybe a billion dollar industry.  I don’ know…. I didn’t do any real research.

All the salespeople and advertisements are so good at trying to convince you that they want to help you be healthier, happier, and better than you are today.

I call total bullshit.

They are preying on your insecurities and actually trying to make you feel like you aren’t good enough right now.  That your self worth is tied to the size of your pants or the definition of your abs.

Well, it’s not.  Your self worth should be decided by what kind of human being you are.

And yes.  Working out is good for you.  It relieves stress.  It gives you energy.  It keeps your heart pumping.  So yes.  Do that.  All the exercise.  Eat all the vegetables.  They help you shit and give you vitamins that fight scurvy.

And wear a bikini if you’re a size 4.  Or a 14.  Or any other size.  Do that too.

Fuck already.




Wine Is Way Better Than Jogging

Every time I consider giving up drinking wine I casually reminisce about the week I’ve had and all the retarded things my kids have done.  Then I reconsider and go to the Liquor Store.

There’s rarely a problem that wine can’t fix.

And YOU.  Stop fucking judging me, because 10 million other mommies out there feel the same way.  Don’t get me wrong.  I’m not an alcoholic or anything. At least I don’t think so.  I have usually 2 glasses with or after supper.  It doesn’t affect my ability to parent or do my job. I rarely ( if ever) drink to excess. I’m not hungover in the morning.

But the thought of giving it up sucks.

It’s kind of like asking someone to give up jogging.  They jog every day.  They’re not sore after.  It takes their stress away.  It makes them feel happy. Jogging doesn’t interfere with their life, but they look forward to it every day.  If they accidentally jogged too much one day, they would pay for it the next day.  Everything has it’s price.

But you know what?  Wine is way better than jogging.  And some days, a shot of tequila is really nice too.  Like on Sundays, when Bestie is here and both kids are finally in bed.

So you can jog or do yoga or whatever, and I’m gonna do shots of tequila on Sunday night because last week the Destroyer climbed a tree and caught a fucking bird.

You read that right.  She’s playing in my parent’s backyard when I hear this horrible screeching sound.  I look over and my almost 4 year old has climbed a tree and is slowly crushing a crow to death with her bare hands.

“LOOK!  I think he likes me!”

Jesus Christ.  Some wine would’ve been nice right then.

I drink wine because my Buddy is going through this cute phase where he tries relentlessly to murder himself.  While playing in traffic is his number one priority, he’ s also into drowning and throwing himself off tall objects.  Almost two year old boys are complete fucking maniacs.  Maybe he should do the jogging, and burn off some of the crazy.

And in all fairness, it’s not just my children’s fault.

Having a job is nice because I can afford to buy all the wine I need.  But the irony is that people are dicks too.  Not as much as toddlers, who are outright assholes most of the time, but they are full of drama and stupid behavior.   Sometimes having to deal with people who are over 5 feet tall is a real pain in the ass.

And you know what?  I am WAY wittier after a glass of wine, which makes making fun of people that irritate me that much easier.  Can jogging so that?  I don’t fucking think so.

So yeah.  I’d rather do my heart a favor in the liquid form.  And yeah  I guess I could have both, but I’m not a greedy person.  I take only what I need.

Bottoms up, Bitches.

Hot on The Titties: I Got Me E-Big-Bola Worry (A big bowl of worry)



So, I have to admit that I’ve been watching the news about the Ebola outbreak religiously.  I even have CNN on in the truck.  I fucking hate CNN, because it’s too sensationalized and downright retarded at times, but I can’t seem to step away.   Sometimes, on days I’m feeling a little more reasonable I’ll listen to BBC.  The British have a way of being a little less melodramatic and straightforward.  And a little less biased when it comes to their news reporting.  I think it’s all the tea they drink, keeps them grounded.

Nevertheless, no matter where you get the information from, the consensus is pretty much the same.  This shit is bad.  Someone in a big way dropped the ball big time.  Ebola is no fucking joke.  As far as ways to die go, it’s pretty much as horrible as it gets.

Ebola is like Super AIDS, I think.  Transmitted sorta the same way.  But it makes you ill within 3 weeks, acutely, with about a 50-50 chance of surviving these days.  I keep hearing how transmission is hard, because you have to have direct contact with bodily fluids.

Then we better all get on our fucking knees and pray this doesn’t get loose in the school system with all the tiny humans.  Because let me tell you about children and bodily fluids.  They ooze them out of every orifice at all times.  And then, we fucked, Bitches.

So, why is this a Hot on the Titties post, you ask?  Because I like Ebola and support it’s choices?  No.  I’ve been thinking a lot about those movies “Outbreak”  and Contagion”.  They always seem to end up with the army quarantining an entire town or city and threatening to nuke it or something.  So I’m wondering, how about it?

Now, relax, I’m not suggesting we blow up West Africa.  But I’m wondering why we are still allowing commercial flights in and out of there?  I read this morning that the US is planning to have advanced “screening” at 5 of it’s major airports to try and prevent more sick people from entering the US.

5 airports?  Does anyone really think this will help?  What a waste of time.  Also, in case the health authorities missed it, Ebola has an incubation period of up to 21 days.  So you could pass your screening if you fly into Chicago, but get sick the next day.  Or you know, you could fly in through Toronto and drive across the border.  Or stay in Canada and kill us all too.


We are much past the point of taking people’s temperatures at the airport, I think.  I think we are at a point where the borders to the “hot zone” become a one way street.  You go in at your own risk, and you don’t get to come out until this shit is under control.  The exception being perhaps health care workers who are placed in an “Ebola Purgatory” of sorts for 21 days post their last patient contact, until they are deemed free of the disease.

Obviously the disease is starting to spread to the rest of the world, because if it’s in the US and Europe, I would bet my next paycheck it is in other countries too.  Countries that also don’t have very stable health care systems.  Places where people don’t usually go to the doctor when they are sick. We just haven’t heard about it yet.

So what do you think?  Is it time to resort to a military enforced country quarantine?  Stop air travel to and from these countries?  Do you think all the troops stationed there are only there to build hospital beds?

I’m betting not.

Over to you, Bitches.

Don’t Be A Douchebag Tuesday: Vaccinate

File:Diphtheria vaccination poster.jpg - Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org

File:Diphtheria vaccination poster.jpg – Wikimedia Commonscommons.wikimedia.org



This whole hot topic of vaccinations has been circulating the Facebook world for a couple of days now.  Maybe longer.  The above link is one of many stories that are out there about what can happen when you don’t vaccinate your children.  In this case, it was tetanus, a potentially devastating disease where the child made a full recovery.  A shitty ordeal for this family to have suffered, which in this case, didn’t put other people at risk for disease.

In the past, whenever I have written about anything remotely controversial, I try to be objective enough to advocate for people to have choices.  I think “I am not going to tell people what to do, because ultimately, we make our own choices and then we have to deal them.”

But in this case, I’m totally telling you what you should do.  Vaccinate your children.  Period. No choice.  Or face a fine.  Or you can’t register your kid for school.  Or whatever it takes to convince you to comply.

The father in this article has it 100% right, and it took his son almost dying for him to realize it:

“The mistake that we made was that we underestimated the diseases and we totally over-estimated the adverse reactions”

This is totally the truth.  Let me tell you, as a self confessed hypochondriac, it is really easy to get sucked into worrying about all the adverse effects you can get from vaccinations.  Some of them are total bullshit, like the link to autism.  And I wonder why we even still talk about this after the doctor who conducted this bogus “study” has been totally discredited.  Some of them are possible, like Guillain-Barre syndrome, but are ridiculously rare.

Anyway.  The reason I think we shouldn’t have a choice in the matter is because ultimately, the actions of a few well intentioned, but misinformed parents can affect the health of my child.  And when your poor decision making skills start to affect the health and safety of my family, I’m about to get up in your business.

Here’s the thing about disease.  Diseases are caused by pathogens.  Either a bacteria, or virus, or phage (scary!).  They invade our systems and make us sick.  They are able to multiply rapidly in optimal conditions.  And from my experience of working with large scale fermentation of bacteria, the human body provides a very comfortable environment at 37 degrees celsius for many bugs to set up shop.  That isn’t the only factor of course, but temperature is important for optimal growth.

Here’s the other thing about disease causing pathogens.  They are quite remarkable at change.  They are extremely adaptable.  So, if we give them a small pool of individuals who , for example, aren’t immunized against measles, it will give the bug not only a chance to make a small pocket of individuals sick, but to mutate into a form of disease where the standard vaccine is no longer effective.  And the new form of measles may have a higher death rate because the bug is stronger and harder for the body’s immune system to kill.

Now you’ve put my child, and  the rest of the world’s population, at risk for a disease that was so easily preventable.

Way to go, Bitchface.

So here is my advice to all of you who for one reason or another struggle with this decision.  Make your decisions based on fact, not assumptions.  Don’t assume you know more than the medical community because you read it on the internet that vaccinations are dangerous.  Don’t put my child at risk due to your own misinformation.

I am a firm believer that kids need to play in the dirt and get the flu and build up their immune system naturally.  But these are diseases with potentially deadly outcomes.  And they are preventable.  So please.

Don’t be a douchebag.

There’s A Pill For That

Good morning, kids.  Guess what day it is today?  Hot on the Titties Friday!  The best day of the week!

I have been reading and listening to a lot of programs about over-prescription of drugs.  One of my fellow bloggers started it off with a post about antibiotics, which you can read about at mythoughtsonapage.com.

Then I watched a Dr.Oz episode about the exact same thing.  The conversation led to a place that scared me a little.  It was about how we have no new front line antibiotics coming out right now.  If bugs continue to gain resistance against what we have, we are looking at putting medicine backwards almost 90 years.

Then,  I listened to a CBC radio program last night about the overuse and misuse of antidepressants.  And I thought “well alright then”.  Here is the debate I’m offering to you:

Have we become a society of “There must be a pill for that”?

You know, I think we have.  Now having said that, hear me out.  There are always times when prescriptions are necessary.  Some people suffer from debilitating depression, or anxiety.  Sometimes you actually have a bacterial infection such as strep throat that requires a course of antibiotics.  Some people are in chronic or severely acute pain.  Sometimes my kid has a fever or teething pain.

Of course you use medication when you have to.  But I think the medical community should take a step back and re-evaluate what “have to” means.  Because in the case of antibiotics and antidepressants, the ramifications of over use are severe.  The problem with the antidepressants is that while they think they help to regulate serotonin in your body, that in turn fucks with the rest of your system.  Like causing symptoms of Irritable Bowl Syndrome or messing with your reproductive health.  Is it worth it?  In some cases, yes.

In other cases, you are probably better off with therapy and cognitive counselling.

I think it has become inconvenient to be sick.  We want to feel better immediately, obviously.  God forbid we take a couple of days off work to catch up on our health.  No.  The employer wants you there, spreading your disease around til everyone feels like shit.  Super.

Anyway, I am no expert.  I can only speak from personal experience, and you can think about your opinion on the topic.

Firstly, I have severe allergies to many 1st and 2nd generation antibiotics.  So if you all keep fucking with the ones we have left, I’m in real trouble.  Which makes this one is especially scary to me.  When I had the Destroyer, I was GBS positive, which means I “needed” an iv antibiotic to prevent passing this bug on to her during delivery.  (And no, its not an STD, asshole.  Women either have it or not.)  Because of the 1% chance I could pass it to her.  Due to of my allergies, they had to give me Clindimycin, a drug that the deadly c.difficile is resistant to.  An bug that is known for being in hospitals.

So they pump me full of this drug, and meanwhile the kid is already delivered.  The only thing it got me was a nice staph infection.  Thanks for the exposure, hospital.  Fuck you very much.

My point is, there was a 1% risk of a potentially serious infection being passed on to my child, so I took what they recommended.  But was it necessary?  I still don’t know.  If I labour as quickly this time, I will refuse it.  He’ll deliver too quickly to get any anyway.

About 10 years ago, I was going through some major changes in my life and started having panic attacks and loads of anxiety.  So my doctor gave me an antidepressant.  It took awhile, but I eventually started to feel better.  But you know what?  I often wonder if it was just time, and training myself to cope in better ways that brought me back to full health.  I certainly still have anxiety from time to time now, but possess the necessary skills to manage it without drugs.  For myself, the cognitive approach seemed to work better than any drug ever could.  Cause drugs wear off, and knowledge is lasting and powerful.

I even think about intervention in labour.  The pain is so temporary, can we not bear that in light of what you’re about to accomplish?  I guess that’s a whole other post.  Maybe next Friday.

Did you also know that 80% of ear infections are viral and do not require antibiotics?  That’s a lot of useless drugs floating around.

Honestly, I think it’s just more convenient to write a prescription.    Doctor offices are overflowing, the health care system is inefficient and bursting at the seams.  So  “treat ’em and street ’em”  right?

I guess my thought is that just because we can, doesn’t mean we should.  I think we need to start doing more healing, and less prescribing.  The drugs should be the last resort.

And with that, I’ll turn the floor over to you.  Opinions?  Expert opinions?

Remember to be nice.   Happy Friday!


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