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Tag: parenting

It’s not even Halloween and I am already so tired of all the things

Photo by Sarah Chai on Pexels.com

We are less than two months into the school year, and I gotta tell you, I am already over everything.

I’m over the 50-60 hours work weeks. I am over managing that with the needs of the kids and their activities. I am over packing lunches and early mornings and running for the school bus and arguing about bedtime. Especially bedtime. Bedtime can go fuck itself. The End.

Mostly, I am over feeling like I am stretched so thin that I suck at everything I do. Maybe it is leftover trauma from all the lockdowns and a feeling of being so permanently overwhelmed that doesn’t want to let up.

Or MAYBE the last 18 months have enlightened us to the fact that we (in particular working mothers) have lost sense of a life balance that is even remotely reasonable and sustainable. I can’t help but feel like this was something we always knew was a problem but didn’t want to admit to ourselves, to our employers, to our spouses or to each other.

Seriously, who the fuck decided that working full time, plus commuting while raising children was really going to be good for us? Who decided that starting every day at 6am, rushing around to get everyone ready for the day, sending off the kids, working our asses off all day, rushing home to do pick ups, feed the people, rush to get to the next thing, rush home to bathe and go to bed -was a good idea? God forbid you don’t work a regular schedule either, because who really does anymore anyway?

I honestly don’t know what the answer is. I mean, obviously as a fairly *successful* working mom, I fully advocate for women to have meaningful and fulfilling careers WHILE being able to raise a family. So why does it feel like these issues of balancing family and career are so heavily skewed towards women? I don’t want to discount all the dads and their efforts, but it certainly feels like the assumption to this day is that the mother is the primary caregiver and it is us that make the bulk of the sacrifices and carry the heaviest part of the emotional load.

At the risk of sounding like I just want to bitch because I am tired and burnt the fuck out ( I am) I am also truly wondering how to better support families and working parents.

Can work days be tailored to accommodate school hours? Can employers be mandated to offer on site childcare options for employees? Can we job share more commonly? In light of what we learned during the pandemic can we offer a hybrid model of working remotely and on site to reduce commute times?

What about restructuring societal norms? How do we normalize fathers taking paternity leave? How do we normalize it being ok for women to ask for help and admitting that they are struggling? Multigenerational homes? Cooperative living communities where childcare duties are shared?

I certainly can’t wave a magic wand and solve all of my own problems, so I won’t pretend like I have all the answers about this most challenging season in life. All I know is that I am tired, so I will share what I think might help in the meantime:

Bitches, give yourselves a fucking break. Stop making the gold standard so fucking hard. Give yourself permission to heat a store bought, frozen lasagna for dinner. Feed them hotdogs and pre-made subs from the deli. Hire a house cleaner. Skip the gym without guilt when you feel like you can’t add another thing to your plate. Build a village and take turns with the kids. Have your groceries delivered. Do the things that make all the bullshit easier however that looks like for you, and focus on spending time on the things that matter more.

And don’t forget to do a shot of tequila. Wash, rinse, repeat.

Are People Shitty, Or Just Afraid? Does It Even Matter?

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Photo by Tobias Bjørkli on Pexels.com

I’ve been sitting here for several days, between trying to get work accomplished, continuing to educate my beautiful students, and being the parent that my children need.  Notice that I didn’t say “homeschool” my children, because I am not.  I do plenty of activities with them, play music and read and try to continue to enrich their lives as if we are just on an extended school break.  They are young, they will come out of this with fond memories of a time we slowed down enough to focus on each other, at least I hope so.

In between all of that, I have been purposefully changing my social media presence to simply include a brief account of what our lives are looking like during this piece of historical significance. I have also started purposefully avoiding getting into any more conversations about this pandemic, or the measures being taken, or the possible cures or anything politically related.

If there is one thing I enjoy under normal circumstances, it is a good debate or impassioned conversation with opposing viewpoints or opinions where two people can look at an issue from two very different sides and learn from one another and grow as humans.  I think that difficult conversations are important to be able to understand that there is not one thing in this world that is entirely black or white, and that almost always we all deserve a seat at the table.

These are not normal circumstances.  And I am no longer enjoying the debate.  In fact, at best some of these conversations are making me really sad, and at worst I am absolutely horrified and disappointed in some of the people that I know and love dearly and the things they are either saying or virtually applauding.

Look, I get it. This whole situation blows. Try being a fucking musician in times like these and see how worried you are about your employment prospects for the near future.  Other industries are on hold right now.  Everyone is anxious and exhausted and 100% not in control and that produces a fear response that a lot of times makes people do and say hurtful things.

For the record, COVID 19 is a super shit thing that the entire world is having to go through headfirst, blind, and pretty much with flailing arms.  We don’t have a radar screen to navigate by here, so most reasonable leaders are trying to use lessons from history to determine how best to sail through this storm.   It’s going to be messy, and imperfect, and expensive.  There will be much economic fall out from this and we are all going to have sacrifices to make.  

Ironically, people who have less are the ones who seem to be the most understanding of this.  The ones who have the most are so used to getting their own way and having access to all of their entitlements that they can’t fathom sacrificing one thing from their hoard of capitalistic treasures in order to create widespread benefit for the health and welfare of everyone else.  And really, this is what this pandemic is showing me.  That many of us are so selfish and tied to material things that we are willing to “sacrifice one old granny” rather than sit tight and ride out this storm with grace.

I’ve read the conspiracy theories and they are annoying, not fact based, and scientifically inaccurate.  People want to push through experimental treatments with total disregard for human safety.  They think it’s fine to just let hundreds of thousands of people die and allow millions suffer because it’s “less than 1% of the population” so far. They keep talking  about how the numbers are so low and we are all fools hell bent on their economic ruin.  Talking about how our children will have to pay the price for this.

I don’t know for sure, but I feel quite strongly that these are merely excuses because they are tired of being inconvenienced. They are worried about their current lifestyles being permanently affected. And in response to that fear,  some people have a put a price tag on the lives of the vulnerable and the elderly and poor. There is a line drawn in the sand about what has value and what does not, and there are so many people that I thought I knew who are on the wrong side of that line.

COVID 19 is not a socialist plot to fuck you over.  The financial aid being given out is not an irresponsible and frivolous act that will be the downfall of the country or world.  It is a much needed rainfall in an out of control blaze of fuckery and flame.

By the way, in 1918, communities that completely shut down in response to the pandemic social distancing recommendations had better economic outcomes and faster, steeper recoveries than the communities who ignored them.

I could go on and on in order to rebuke every ignorant and cruel comment I have seen lately but am I exhausted by the seemingly never ending dialogue of selfish, misinformed people who are slaves too busy worshiping their green paper gods to have any sense of what is right and good.  I am sure I will have to continue to bite my tongue and ignore this continued dickery once I post this article as I get bombarded with more hate messages and hurtful comments.

When this lockdown first started, I had a lot of hope.  Not hope that it would be quickly resolved, but hope that we would all be able to value this “Grand Pause” in our lives and see the meaningful things we are blessed with and for the first time in a long time, really appreciate them.  I thought that parents would see this as an opportunity to reconnect with their kids, and families to actually eat dinner together again and realize that the hamster wheel we’ve all been on for so long maybe was spinning beyond our control. I hoped that we would once again start to be able to distinguish the difference between want and need and realize that simpler lives may, well, simplify our existence.  Love, connection, health, peace….I thought those things might re-emerge.

And don’t get me wrong, there is a lot of beautiful people out there doing beautiful things,  among them the artists and young people and communities working together to support one another and brighten our days and reach out to help where needed.

But for many others…..there is an ugliness that is probably being inspired by fear and lack of control that is making them search for someone to be angry at, or an enemy to fight, or some other reason why none of this can be really happening. And I just don’t personally know what to do about that.  Probably nothing but just feel sad about it.

Anyway, Bitches, Stay well, stay safe.  Hold the fucking line.  See you all on the other side.

 

Bedtime Is The Biggest Asshole I Know

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You what time it is, Bitches.    That time where all you want is a little piece and quiet after a full day of tiny human taming.   You need a solid hour with a glass of wine, an episode of The Bachelor, and no other humans talking to you or each other before your exhausted body just collapses on the pillow.

And then Storytime is a dick.   Put On Your Pajama Time sucks a fat one.   Brush Your Teeth Time is a total whore and then actual Bedtime is a steaming asshole that just will not give you a break.

What is it about bedtime that makes kids act like the most annoying humans on the planet?   Aren’t they tired?  Aren’t they excited to go to sleep and replenish their energy in order to face another day of keeping other humans alive and doing all the glamorous things like laundry and cooking and toilets in between working a paid job?   Oh. Wait.

That’s me.

Honestly, MY bedtime is my favourite part of any day.   It’s better than toast ( and I fucking love toast) and a good book or a glass of wine or sex or anything I can think of these days.

I am so tired.  And my tiny humans will not fucking go to sleep.

Bedtime is a real asshole.  The biggest one I’ve ever met.

And then when Bedtime sucks, the next day sucks, because everyone is tired and Mommy didn’t get any alone time and here we are ALL OVER AGAIN with me fantasizing about MY bedtime, while wishing I cold hire a bedtime nanny 7 days a week.   I love spending time with my kids except when I have to put them to bed by myself.

And if you want to talk about The Hour Between Dinner And Bedtime, we need a whole other post for that motherfucker, because he is almost as relentless.

This shit gets easier, right?

Guess What? I F*cking Speak French Too, Lady.

Longtime no post.   I KNOW.

But seriously, having contact with other parents in a public setting and their entitled, stuck up little brats have inspired me to pick up my keyboard.

Twice in the last week I have witnessed other peoples children acting like total douchebags at a playground.  Twice in the last week I have had to speak to someone else’s child about their behavior in a public place.   Once, because the parent’s pre-teenish girls were nowhere to be found and their actions were putting the welfare of some wee ones in danger.  Fair enough.  Those kids backed off and despite being totally obnoxious on the swing set realized when they had pushed too far and an adult was taking back the authority on the goddamn playground.  The thing that killed me about that is that the mom of the little one in danger of getting hit with shit being thrown up the slide stood by and was too fucking afraid to say something to a 10 or 12 year old kid.   She thanked me for coming across the playground to fix it but Jesus Christ are we so afraid to be grownups?   Do the kids have all the power?

Well, it would appear as though yes.

Today, while at an indoor play area, this woman showed up with her two kids who were a few years older than mine.  I’d say about 8-10.

She was busy on her phone, trying to book dance classes for her daughter, and shot me an annoyed look because my kids were being noisy.  In a children’s play area and she had to go outside the glass to finish her conversation.   I was already less than enchanted.   It’s a playground lady.   I fuck around on my phone while my kids play too, as long as there is no bullshit and nothing needs my attention, but I don’t try to deal with any business where I have to hear what a human on the other end of the phone is saying.   I’m not a glutton for punishment.

Anyway.

This is a high indoor structure that has netting to hold the kids in should they fall.   It also has netting along the side on a high, double bump slide that goes hella fast.

Well, her kid decided to pull the netting away from beside the slide so that he could get in behind and underneath the slide part of the structure.

And of course, my three year old copied him.

I have a few problems with this.   First, the netting is now not doing its job.   So if a kid gets air and flies to the side, they now literally have no safety net because it is not secured properly.  Second, the staff clearly do not want kids behind there.  Part of the reason it is in place is to keep the kids out.  Third, monkey see, monkey fucking do.  What might be a “safe” behavior for a 10 year old, is not necessarily safe for a 3 year old.

And fourth, and adult just politely asked you to come out from there, and you told her you don’t have to because your mom lets you do it.

So when Ms. Twatwaddle, whose attention I tried to get because I wrongly assumed that she would be interested in asking her child to follow the same rules as every one else FINALLY came back in, she proceeded to not give a shit, because she felt it was “safe”.

When I pointed out that while he might be “safe” but had created a potentially unsafe situation for other kids she also didn’t give a shit.   When I pointed out that her son completely disregarded the request of an adult in the area she also didn’t give a shit.   And then she proceeded to patronize me in French to her child, right in front of me.

Well guess what?   I fucking speak French, and you, ma’am, are everything that’s wrong with the next generation of kids and the way they behave.

I actually don’t give that much of a shit about what happened at the playground.   Kids act like assholes there all the time and it’s part of how they sort out some social skills.

But I felt like she is one of those self entitled bitches who teach their kids that the rules apply to everyone else except for them.  And as a parent, a teacher, and a fellow human being, it makes me really angry.  It’s just another blaring example of how there are never any consequences for anything because the kids are holding all the damn cards.

Sometimes I wish that beating people upside the head with their own genitals was a reasonable reaction to their stupidity.  Until then, I’ll continue to just beat my head against the wall and curse on the internet about it.

 

 

To All The Sancti-Mommies Out There: Just Don’t.

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Pinterest

So last week I got caught up in an online discussion about ill behaved children in the grocery store.

A super observant, knowledgeable, and childless woman made all sorts of comments about how inappropriate it was for the parents to have tried to control their child’s tantruming by offering a bribe.   Or whatever.  She watched.  She judged.  And then she proclaimed her disapproval on social media like a total cow.

Anyway, the exchange pissed me off.  I am so tired of trying so hard to do right by my kids.  And having what feels like an army of Sancti-Mommies always screaming about how wrong I am for doing/thinking/feeling/trying/asking/wondering the things I am.  Or posting the “how you’ve fucked up your kids for good” article of the day.

And then there’s this new breed of Sancti-Non-Mommies who also want to weigh in on the discussion?   Because they took a few behaviour management courses that one time in University?

No thanks.

Also, fuck you.

So in order to deal with some of my feelings (don’t tell anybody I have feelings or I will cut you) , I have been trolling some of the mommy blogging sites in order to tell some of these bitches to suck it.

Does that make me a terrible person?

Maybe.

Probably.

But here’s the thing:  With the exception of the vaccination debate, where your choice does actually affect those around you I don’t actually give a fuck how you parent your child.

Like, not even a little bit.

What I’m interested in is hearing you share what works for you so that we parents can use each other as a resource when we are out of answers and patience.   Isn’t that what those sites were invented for?

Instead, everybody is Judgy-Judgering one a another and pointing fingers and making all sorts of assumptions about other people.   Throwing out accusations of violence and child abuse if you’ve resorted to spanking or chosen to circumcise your son.   The irreversable psychological damage you’ve done to your child by yelling at them.  How you’ve brain damaged them by allowing them to eat sugar.  Or how your kid will be smarter/healthier/better because you were able to breastfeed and I was just too lazy/selfish/stupid to do the same.

God.  We even get up in one anothers business for what kind of birth they had.

And my problem is not with what choices you make for your child.  My problem is with the choices you make about how you treat other people.  You may always speak to your child in a calm, respectful tone that explains your point of view and outlines your expectations.   You never raise your voice to them and certainly not your hand.   You are parent of the year in every way whose kid eats what’s on their plate, always follows the rules, never cries or tantrums, loves to grocery shop, goes to bed on time, puts their shoes on the first time you ask, cleans the house, walks the dog, all due to your awesomeness as a human being and in spite of the rest of us fuck ups down the street or linked to you on social media.  But when it comes to discussions about managing life as a working parent or disciplining your kids, we are all guilty of being class A bitches to one another.

This is such utter bullshit.  We all work our asses off to make our kids have the best lives possible.   And at some point we have decided that because something in our circumstance works or does not, it suddenly applies to every other human being out there.

IT DOESN”T.

So, to all the Sancti-Mommies out there:

Share your shit, but be realistic.   Be raw.  We can smell your entitled talk and insecurities a mile and a mouse click away.   You are not any better than the rest of us, you are just better at parenting YOUR OWN CHILD than the rest of us.  Stop acting like you have all the answers for everyone.   Stop making ridiculously overly dramatic statements about what another parent has chosen or tried or failed at.  Step off that high horse and let him go and graze in the pasture for a while.  Your burden of arrogance and judgement are too heavy for him to bear.

We. Are. All Doing.The Best.We.Can.

 

 

 

 

Parents: Get Off Your Phone

 

Have you guys seen this yet?    The daycare that posted a sign telling parents to get off their phone when picking up their children?

Which side of the argument do you fall?   Can you justify the parents behaviour?   Has the daycare overstepped?

I’ll tell you what I think.

Parents, in this particular situation, I think you need to get off your goddamn phone.

Here’s why.   Your child has been waiting for this moment ALL.DAY.LONG.  As much as they love their friends and their school/daycare, they love you the most.   They want so badly to make you proud of them.  They need you to be excited to see them and make them feel like this is the moment YOU have been looking for ALL.DAY.LONG.

When I first pick up my child from daycare/school or a babysitter, those first few minutes are paramount to understanding the behaviour they display throughout the rest of the day.   It is important for you to listen to what they tell you so that you can support them if they need support, congratulate them on something they did that was new, or hug them if they feel sad.  You can’t assess the situation if you aren’t present in the moment.

And what I’ve learned personally, is that if I don’t give my child my full attention when I first see them, they will feel let down.   I will effectively rain on their parade, and set myself up for failure with them afterwards.

Now, hey, I GET IT.

I fuck around on my phone ALL THE TIME at the playground, or while they are entertaining themselves or even when I declare a 30 minute quiet time in the house.

And that’s totally ok.   You don’t need to be up your kid’s ass, entertaining them every step of the way through life.  They need to learn to work out some social  skills on their own too without you interfering.

But not that moment. Not that moment when they first see you after a whole day of being apart.   You need to make them feel like a priority in your life.

Tell your boss you’ll call them back.   Set a boundary that your child comes first.   That from 4:30-5:00 pm every day you are unavailable.

If the call is SO important, take it before going inside with a quick “I’ll call you in 30 minutes” ( unless it is an emergency).  And emergencies aren’t a change in soccer practice venue, by the way.

Let the school leave a message.  Let them call your partner instead.

Ask yourself if you were in a meeting at work, would you answer the phone?

Soccer, your parents, the vet, whomever can just wait a goddamn minute and learn some patience themselves.  We keep saying that we need to teach our children that the world doesn’t revolve them, so we can teach the adults in our lives the same fucking thing.   The world doesn’t have to revolve around your kids, but show them enough love and respect in this situation so that they KNOW they are important to you.

NOW.

TO THE DAYCARE.

Although I support the motivation behind the sign, I can’t tell you how grossly inappropriate the sign on the window is.

It is condescending, lacking respect, and downright fucking rude.   And if any child care worker or teacher dare speak to me about my parenting  in such a manner they would have no further contact with my child in a big hurry.  Because if they are going to speak to ME that way, the hand that is literally feeding them, how are they speaking to my child when I am not around?

Try something like this next time:

Dear Parents,

Please refrain from using your phone while picking up your child (unless in absolute emergency).  They are so excited to see you when you get here, and we feel like you can best support them by giving them your full attention.

The staff would also like the opportunity to speak with you as the need arises regarding any successes or difficulties that may have occurred during the day, illness or other special circumstances.

Thank you for respecting our space, and making yourselves fully available to us.

Have a great day!

Sincerely,

Director

 

Ok Bitches, what do you think?

I’m Pretty Sure I Invented Mom Guilt, But You Can Share

A good friend of mine posted a little video about mom guilt on Facebook this morning. A bunch of mom’s talking about the things they could take back from the day, lies they told their kids, things they wish they hadn’t said.

And here I thought I invented Mom Guilt.  Turns out that deep down, a lot of you Bitches feel like you suck balls at this gig too.

I suffer from this guilt thing a lot.  Husband works long days, and by the end of his rotation I usually feel ready to either sell my children to anyone who likes repeating themselves over and over again with no results, or literally filling the bathtub up with tequila in hopes that is a pleasant way for me to drown.

In this stupid day and age of being hopelessly busy and being pulled in 5000 directions at once, I simply cannot deal with the amount of time it takes my children to accomplish one task. Why is it SO HARD to put your fucking shoes on?   Why is that always the wrong hat?  Why can they not pay attention for long enough to put on their jacket and for GOD”S SAKE how come nobody can stand straight and face me when I try to zip it up?

Sometimes I cannot handle the random crying and drama that occurs seemingly every second without justification.  The fights about nothing.  The tattle-taling.  The whining.  The constant needing.  The mess making.

The pants shitting.

And so I do what every mother out there has done for generations.

I yell.  I threaten.  I punish.

And.I.Get.Nowhere.

Besides feeling horrible and making them feel horrible, that is.  I also get one step closer to needing therapy and detox and a new liver.  But that’s a whole other post.

And then I put them to bed and think “Tomorrow is a new day.  A better day.  I will be more patient and try to spend more time just hanging out with them.  All they really want is more attention.  I can do this.”

And then, the next day happens and I am so busy feeding them and cleaning up after them and doing laundry and working that time runs out again and I left with the mom guilt for another day. I never, ever, ever, feel like it’s enough.  Like I’m enough.

Thankfully, every now and again, we have a day where everything goes just right.  I put all my bullshit aside and focus just on them.  I say “yes” more often.  I let the schedule go.  I let the dishes sit.  I make all the things that are usually such a big ass deal no big deal, and just fucking let it stay where it is. We stay up past bedtime.  We get dirty and eat junk food and just never mind about all the things that really aren’t that important after all.

And it’s all ok.  Everybody is still alive the next day.

So far.

And then I feel guilty that I don’t do all that more often.

But you see Bitches.  Mom guilt is just this thing that happens when you love something so much that you set up this impossible standard for yourself.  It’s when you love something so much you can’t possibly ever do enough because there is no action that could ever possibly declare just how much you actually love it.

We will always have mom guilt because we won’t ever be done trying to give our children every single thing they need to be nice humans and smart humans and happy humans.  We have the mom guilt because even though children need to be corrected, and moms are allowed to get frustrated, we don’t want our kids to ever for one second think we aren’t on their side.

We feel guilt because we want more for them than is possible to give.  So we never feel like it’s enough.

So, chin up Bitches.  Tell a few lies that helps to avoid a temper tantrum.  Yell at them when they are assholes, because sometimes love involves teaching them that being an asshole is not a desirable endeavour. Drink the wine and vow to love them JUST AS MUCH TOMOROW  as you do today.  Not more, because that’s hardly possible.

And have a “free day” sometimes where you just lower your expectations and give yourselves a goddamn break.

 

 

 

 

 

Bitches, It’s Time For A Global Village

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pixabay.com

The other day I was doing some thrift shopping.  I love thrift shopping.  We have a ton of second hand stores here, from the Salvation Army Thrift Stores to a place called Value Village or some of the trendy vintage stores in the village near downtown.

We sure as hell aren’t rich, but we aren’t exactly poor either.  The thing I personally like about thrift shopping for the kids is that children’s stuff is so  expensive and they go through it so damn quickly.  And so often you can find second hand, brand name things that are in perfect condition at like 10-20% of what they would cost brand new.

Anyway, this woman was in front of me in line with her two young boys.  She was taking a long time at the register, and today I had nowhere to be.  So I eavesdropped while pretending to look at my phone.

She was asking very nicely, and almost a little desperately, if the cashier could make an exception and include a couple items in some sort of special sale even they weren’t technically part of it.  It would end up saving her maybe 3.00$ in total.

This woman was clearly not being an asshole.  She was not in that store looking for a deal on an Esprit sweater or Kenneth Cole coat.  She was in there because her two sons needed some new t shirts and she was trying to get as much as she could with the cash in her pocket.

I didn’t think the cashier was gonna do it.  She had that typical “I don’t give a shit” attitude that so many of us get when a customer is making the transaction anything less than smooth.

I pulled out my wallet, ready to pay the difference.  3.00$ for me means I skip that coffee one day, but for her, it means she loses a piece of her pride.

In the end, the cashier let her have the deal, and I didn’t step in.  It’s a fine line…wanting to help but not wanting to embarrass someone.

When I told Husband about it later, he asked how come I cared so much about that woman in the store.

And you know why I cared so much?  Because I could identify with her, as another woman and as another mother.  I looked at her shoes that were falling apart and knew that she would wear them until she was literally walking on pavement through the soles before she would let her boys go without.  Without ever speaking to her, I felt connected to her as a mother because the love she has for her kids is the same love I have for mine.

We are lucky to have people in our lives that have and would always make sure that our kids had what they needed, even if we couldn’t provide it for them.  Not everyone is so lucky.

But on a deeper level, I just feel that moms should support one another in whatever capacity they are able, whether they are a stranger or not.  Can’t we all just be a part of a global village that is Motherhood?  Can’t we all recognize one another and love one another enough so that no mom ever feels unable to get through the day?

Bitches.

See one another. Notice one another. Take care of one another.  Let  motherhood bond us together instead of dragging us apart because of differing methods of feeding or sleeping or diapering or disciplining.  Recognize one anothers efforts and let all the other shit go.

Just let it go.

I Go To Work Because Nobody Calls Me Momma There

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Hats off to all of you stay at home moms.  HATS OFF.

I am 3 days into my summer “holidays” and yesterday I almost put both kids up for sale.

It is emotionally, physically and all out exhausting to entertain, mediate and keep two preschoolers alive for an entire day.   And then push repeat and do it all over again.

The morning is usually the best part.  I make a couple of chocolate milks, and shove an Ipad at each of them while we have breakfast.  I have a bath after I blog and I’ll tell you a little secret:

I started blow-drying my hair about six months ago. 

Not for my vanity, but for my SANITY.

I started using the hair dryer in the morning because it means that for 15 minutes I can’t hear them.  I can’t hear them whine.  I can’t hear them fight.  I can’t hear them at all.

If I had one dollar for every time I heard “Momma!!!!”  I would own my own private island and the kids would be the nanny’s problem. It’s so exasperating.

And anything I do in the house that doesn’t involve the hair dryer  becomes a homing beacon for the kids to come over and climb on me or shout in my ear or fight and be utter assholes in any way possible as long as they make it impossible for me to complete my task.

So I also go to work because nobody calls me “Momma” there.  And if the day comes where someone does, the vagina punching will start because I go there on purpose to not hear the “Momma” on repeat every 7 seconds.

I actually pick up extra shifts at my part time gig because it makes me a better parent when I go home.  Not full time, but just enough to get me out of the house regularly with other grownups and earn extra spending money so that I can pay for fun things for them to do in the summer.

Also so that there is plenty of wine in the fridge.  Priorities people. Know them.  Acknowledge them.

So, yeah.  When I get sick of hearing the word “Momma” and need a time out, I blow dry my hair and go mix margaritas for thirsty people.

What is your escape plan, Bitches?

 

Miracles Could Happen Everyday If We Would Just Stop Getting In The Damn Way

We’ve all heard and read about so many stories of abuse and neglect.  Have you seen this one yet?

It’s the story of a 15 year old boy who was found starved and who had died from a bacterial sepsis that occurred due to his diabetes and malnutrition.  The parents went to church and came back two hours later to find their son not breathing.  So they sat there and prayed.  For two hours.  They prayed and just let him be dead.

I don’t get it.  How are people so stupid?

I believe in God. I believe Jesus was his son and died for us and came back to life.  I go to church occasionally.    I grew up in the Anglican faith and that is still what I believe today.  And nowhere that I remember does it say to neglect and starve your children, and then get on your knees so that Jesus can come down and perform a miracle.

It just doesn’t work that way.  I strongly believe that prayers are answered every day, but some of these fanatical religious folks have all fucked up in their head.  God doesn’t appear in burning bushes and the last time I saw an Angel I was pretty high on mushrooms.  When you pray for a miracle, you are asking for God to give His grace to a doctor or nurse to find a way using their talents to save your person.

I feel like sometimes we have to get with the times.  Call the ambulance and THEN pray.  If you don’t get all the right people in the right place, what are you praying for? For your kid to get deader?

I remember my Dad telling me the story of a man sitting on his roof during a flood.  As the water rose and rose, he prayed for God to save him.  Three different times, three different would-be rescuers came by and offered to help him.  A canoe, a sailboat, and a helicopter.  All three time, the man sent the rescuers away, saying that God would save him.    Eventually, the water rose so high that the man drowned.  When he got to Heaven, he asked God why he didn’t answer his prayer and save him.  And God said “THREE times I sent someone to help you, but you turned them away, three times you rejected my help.”

People need to realize that with our free will God gave us incredible abilities and talents.  God still helps out, but WE are the means and the vessels of his work.  Modern medicine doesn’t need to be separated from religion.

When someone is sick and we pray for help, we are praying for a doctor to know what to do to make them better.  When you call 911, and pray, you are praying for the EMT’s to get there in time.  When you pray for money, the answer may come in a better job.

So either these parents were just disillusioned and have their faith backwards, or they are just  neglectful pieces of shit.  Which is a whole other post.  How the hell your parental instincts don’t exist and love and concern for your child trump everything is beyond anything I can comprehend.  And sometimes I think this is just it….these parents were just monsters who couldn’t love their child and used religion as an excuse.  Or to make themselves feel better.

Either way, I hope God makes the right judgement on them.  Because it’s not HIS fault the child died, it’s theirs.

So yes, go ahead and pray.  But miracles are earthly events that happen through earthly beings.  Don’t be an asshole and ignore that.

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