I’ve been sitting here for several days, between trying to get work accomplished, continuing to educate my beautiful students, and being the parent that my children need. Notice that I didn’t say “homeschool” my children, because I am not. I do plenty of activities with them, play music and read and try to continue to enrich their lives as if we are just on an extended school break. They are young, they will come out of this with fond memories of a time we slowed down enough to focus on each other, at least I hope so.
In between all of that, I have been purposefully changing my social media presence to simply include a brief account of what our lives are looking like during this piece of historical significance. I have also started purposefully avoiding getting into any more conversations about this pandemic, or the measures being taken, or the possible cures or anything politically related.
If there is one thing I enjoy under normal circumstances, it is a good debate or impassioned conversation with opposing viewpoints or opinions where two people can look at an issue from two very different sides and learn from one another and grow as humans. I think that difficult conversations are important to be able to understand that there is not one thing in this world that is entirely black or white, and that almost always we all deserve a seat at the table.
These are not normal circumstances. And I am no longer enjoying the debate. In fact, at best some of these conversations are making me really sad, and at worst I am absolutely horrified and disappointed in some of the people that I know and love dearly and the things they are either saying or virtually applauding.
Look, I get it. This whole situation blows. Try being a fucking musician in times like these and see how worried you are about your employment prospects for the near future. Other industries are on hold right now. Everyone is anxious and exhausted and 100% not in control and that produces a fear response that a lot of times makes people do and say hurtful things.
For the record, COVID 19 is a super shit thing that the entire world is having to go through headfirst, blind, and pretty much with flailing arms. We don’t have a radar screen to navigate by here, so most reasonable leaders are trying to use lessons from history to determine how best to sail through this storm. It’s going to be messy, and imperfect, and expensive. There will be much economic fall out from this and we are all going to have sacrifices to make.
Ironically, people who have less are the ones who seem to be the most understanding of this. The ones who have the most are so used to getting their own way and having access to all of their entitlements that they can’t fathom sacrificing one thing from their hoard of capitalistic treasures in order to create widespread benefit for the health and welfare of everyone else. And really, this is what this pandemic is showing me. That many of us are so selfish and tied to material things that we are willing to “sacrifice one old granny” rather than sit tight and ride out this storm with grace.
I’ve read the conspiracy theories and they are annoying, not fact based, and scientifically inaccurate. People want to push through experimental treatments with total disregard for human safety. They think it’s fine to just let hundreds of thousands of people die and allow millions suffer because it’s “less than 1% of the population” so far. They keep talking about how the numbers are so low and we are all fools hell bent on their economic ruin. Talking about how our children will have to pay the price for this.
I don’t know for sure, but I feel quite strongly that these are merely excuses because they are tired of being inconvenienced. They are worried about their current lifestyles being permanently affected. And in response to that fear, some people have a put a price tag on the lives of the vulnerable and the elderly and poor. There is a line drawn in the sand about what has value and what does not, and there are so many people that I thought I knew who are on the wrong side of that line.
COVID 19 is not a socialist plot to fuck you over. The financial aid being given out is not an irresponsible and frivolous act that will be the downfall of the country or world. It is a much needed rainfall in an out of control blaze of fuckery and flame.
By the way, in 1918, communities that completely shut down in response to the pandemic social distancing recommendations had better economic outcomes and faster, steeper recoveries than the communities who ignored them.
I could go on and on in order to rebuke every ignorant and cruel comment I have seen lately but am I exhausted by the seemingly never ending dialogue of selfish, misinformed people who are slaves too busy worshiping their green paper gods to have any sense of what is right and good. I am sure I will have to continue to bite my tongue and ignore this continued dickery once I post this article as I get bombarded with more hate messages and hurtful comments.
When this lockdown first started, I had a lot of hope. Not hope that it would be quickly resolved, but hope that we would all be able to value this “Grand Pause” in our lives and see the meaningful things we are blessed with and for the first time in a long time, really appreciate them. I thought that parents would see this as an opportunity to reconnect with their kids, and families to actually eat dinner together again and realize that the hamster wheel we’ve all been on for so long maybe was spinning beyond our control. I hoped that we would once again start to be able to distinguish the difference between want and need and realize that simpler lives may, well, simplify our existence. Love, connection, health, peace….I thought those things might re-emerge.
And don’t get me wrong, there is a lot of beautiful people out there doing beautiful things, among them the artists and young people and communities working together to support one another and brighten our days and reach out to help where needed.
But for many others…..there is an ugliness that is probably being inspired by fear and lack of control that is making them search for someone to be angry at, or an enemy to fight, or some other reason why none of this can be really happening. And I just don’t personally know what to do about that. Probably nothing but just feel sad about it.
Anyway, Bitches, Stay well, stay safe. Hold the fucking line. See you all on the other side.