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The Stages Of Gratitude

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I’m not entirely sure about this, but I feel like getting older makes you more thankful.

When you’re a child, you have this completely reasonable expectation that all of your shit is just taken care of for you.   You assume that the world just revolves around your happiness, and for a while it seems like it certainly does.  Gratitude isn’t on your radar, because you just require your needs being met since you aren’t able to meet them on your own.   It’s your responsibility to grow and learn and become.  

And then you’re a young adult, and you are thankful for some things, but you also feel this insane sense of invincibility that makes it hard to pause and be grateful for the people in your life, and your health, and the ability to stay out drinking all night, nap for an hour, brush it off and go to work at a reasonable functionality the next day.

And then you become middle age, and you maybe have children of your own, and you start to learn what it is to appreciate something just for existing.  Or maybe you see your grandparents and parents starting to age, and you realize that time is no longer infinite like it was in your youth.  And that you need to soak in the moments around you and be thankful for the time you have to love and be loved on this earth.  Or maybe you start to see your friends struggle with their health, or their relationships, or addictions, or traumas, and you start to feel this quiet gratitude for the simplicity of your own life.  For the lack of adversity. For the lack of conflict or illness or things to be afraid of.

You read the news and start to realize how important your civil and human rights are, and how they can be at risk in an instant.  You are thankful that you have the privilege of living in the community you do, with basic comforts like running water and electricity and too much food on your plate.

Maybe it’s a maturity, or maybe it’s perspective that leads to this gradual understanding of what true gratitude is.   When I ask my tiny humans what they are thankful for they think it relates mostly to *things*, but in my world it relates more to *them* and feelings and purpose.

To all of my people, I am thankful for you.   For having you in my life and for the things I’ve learned from loving you all.   To the ones I’ve lost, I am thankful that I have grief to remind me of love.  To the ones who are struggling, I am thankful for the reminder to appreciate and invest in the important things in my life.   To the clock of life that seems to be moving faster, I am thankful for the reminder to love each moment and for all the memories that creates.

Happy Thanksgiving, Bitches. x

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Why Trump Really Cares About Confirming Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court, And Why Women Should Be Afraid

JUDICIAL MEMOS, WASHINGTON, USA

I have been watching the circus in the United States that is the confirmation of one of the most controversial nominations in Supreme Court History.  It has also been one of the most blatant displays of partisan mud slinging and grandstanding with a  pinch of rich white male patriarchy on the side.

If you are shaking your head and asking “Why does it have to be HIM?” as I have been doing over the last few weeks, I think there is a lot more to consider here than just whether or not Brett Kavanaugh assaulted anybody.

The temperature of the water since Trump took office has been questionable for women.  Think back to around this time of year, 2016, when the Access Hollywood tapes came out.   The Presidential candidate literally admitted that he freely assaulted women and had the right to do so because he was famous.   He freely admitted that he tried to sleep with a married woman,  indicating a warped moral compass. And what happened?   He got elected about a month later.

Once elected, the Trump administration got busy making sure that healthcare became less accessible to low and middle income  Americans.   He closed Planned Parenthood Clinics, making contraception and pregnancy counselling/termination inaccessible to many women, especially young, poor, and non-white women.  Trump rolled back the birth control mandate which then allowed companies to deny women coverage for birth control as part of their health insurance.

And then he made it his mission to appoint a Supreme Court Justice who would overturn Roe Vs. Wade.

As my husband asked me last night, why does Trump give a fuck about whether or not women can get abortions?   As if he really has some sort of moral objection to it?   It’s pretty obvious to me that his actions indicate that it’s not the morality of it that bothers him. So what, then?

It’s fear.

The Patriarchy is afraid of us.   And if you can retain power over something that scares you, you feel like you can regain control of it.

Trump displays on a regular basis, complete lack of respect towards women.  And I’m not just talking about the disgusting acts of mocking sexual assault survivors at political rallies, or speaking about women as if they are things. His constant dismissal of female media representatives and open taunting and attempts at insulting them during press conferences is almost enough to make you vomit.  The Senate Majority leader issued a statement saying that the reason there has NEVER EVER been a FEMALE Republican Senator on the Judiciary committee (there are only 6 female Republican senators in total) is because it is too much work for a woman to take on.   They have Thursday night meetings, you see.

So, he starts by making birth control less and less available.  He supports a culture where women are assaulted and victims are treated like perpetrators, continuing to influence the idea that women are not in charge of their bodies.   And then…..when there is no body autonomy, and nobody to support women when they are abused, and they are pregnant with no resources, or access to healthcare, and THEN can’t terminate their pregnancies….They won’t be spending their time concerning themselves with all the other political issues because they will be too busy fighting for their rights as human beings all over again.  Or they will be caught up in the traumas of their lives.

It’s meant to suppress us, and has nothing to do with morality.

Brett Kavanaugh is of importance because he will support Republican agendas, including overturning Roe Vs. Wade. It fulfills Trump’s election promise of appointing  Supreme Court Justices that would do so.  His unsuitability to the bench has a lot to do with his obvious partisanship and loyalty to the Republicans.  It has to do with his OBVIOUS lack of impartiality, and undesirable temperament.  It has to do with telling lies under oath, and a fixed race from the very beginning. And yeah…that time he attempted to rape a girl at a party and then lied about that too.

This is a very uncertain and scary time for women in the US. Your rights are hanging by a thread, and it starts here.   If you don’t think other rights that your mothers and grandmothers have fought for are in Jeopardy…..things you have taken for granted for a very long time, think again.  This President’s legacy is based on doing outrageous things that nobody believed could happen again.

I am thankful to live North of the border and to be watching in horror as a spectator, not a participant.  The US heavily influences culture here in Canada, and it is really mind boggling to see people here who support all of these incredulous, jaw dropping events.  It’s sad to see things circulating on social media that mock victims because of what they look like…..”he must be innocent because look how ugly she is” and people trying to reroute the conversation by worrying about men being victims of false accusations.

Men’s rights aren’t in danger here, ladies.   They never were.

Time to wake up.

 

 

Trump Is An Asshole, But This Gun Thing Is Not Just His Fault

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InnerSelf.com

I’ve been thinking and thinking and thinking about the issue of gun violence and mass shootings in the US for the past two weeks.  I’m sure many people have.  I’ve engaged in many online discussions and shook my head pretty much every time President Trump opened his mouth to say something idiotic about the subject.

Here’s the thing though….Trump is an asshole, and kinda stupid, and downright dirty, but the problem in the States is not actually his fault.  Sure, his loyalty to the NRA is perpetuating the problem, and he has undone some of the controls that previous Presidents have set in motion.  And it’s infuriating to hear his *quick fix* of the issue while so many families are grieving tragic losses at the hands of this utter bullshit, all while he is really doing nothing.

So what’s the answer?   There isn’t a simple one, I don’t think.  I am a firm believer that the laws need to be stricter.   The rules need to be tighter and the restrictions about what kind of weapon you can own need to change.   I have been very vocal about that, even as a member of a gun owning family.

Do I think that people have a right to own firearms?   Sure.   But with many, many limitations.

But that is only one piece of a very complicated and larger problem.

And no, I don’t actually think the problem is just mental illness either.   It must certainly be a factor in some cases, but having the President of the US go on about how he doesn’t want *sickos* to get their hands on guns is not helping AT ALL.

So, what else?   Honestly, I think that we as parents are failing our children.    Probably not a very popular opinion, but I kinda don’t give a shit.   Parents need to take some ownership in the way we have ceased to be present for our kids.  We have to recognize the lacking connection kids are making with their parents and peers, and how that can contribute to a lack of empathy.  We have to admit that in the majority of cases, both parents are working, and our children are in someone else’s care.  We have to admit that instead of sitting down together at the end of the day and talking as a family, we are working shifts, or racing from one activity to the next in hopes of giving our kids the best opportunities for success later, and not even having regular conversations with our kids about anything.  We are physically present, but we aren’t present. We often don’t notice that something is wrong until it is already at a crisis point.

People who are in pain often inflict pain on others as a a means to cope.   And that is bullshit.  How are we here?   When did inflicting pain mean killing 17 children?   What the actual fuck is the point in that?  How did nobody notice this kid that was hurting so bad that he needed other people to die?   Where were his caregivers?  Why was he allowed access to a firearm?

We need to do better than this.

Limit access.   Treat mental illness.   NOTICE YOUR CHILDREN.   Notice their pain.   Notice their tears.   Know what is going on in their lives.   Have no secrets in your house.   Listen to the little stuff so that they trust you with the big stuff.   Give up material things to create healthier relationships and time to nurture them.  We all have a role to play.   Its guns, but its not JUST guns.

We as a society need to re-examine our values and decide that our current ways are creating a lack of human connection and empathy that allow us to hurt one another.   Someone who feels loved and valued and confident is not going to have a bad day and all of a sudden go and murder a bunch of people because he feels sad.  Someone who feels like they have a support system is not going to do that.   And on the flipside, someone who doesn’t have those support systems but also doesn’t have access toa firearm is not going to shoot 17 people at his school either.   The solution is multi layered.   The lawmakers need to make better laws.   They need to recognize their part, no matter what hey think their rights are.    But the parents need to do their part too.

 

 

 

Bedtime Is The Biggest Asshole I Know

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You what time it is, Bitches.    That time where all you want is a little piece and quiet after a full day of tiny human taming.   You need a solid hour with a glass of wine, an episode of The Bachelor, and no other humans talking to you or each other before your exhausted body just collapses on the pillow.

And then Storytime is a dick.   Put On Your Pajama Time sucks a fat one.   Brush Your Teeth Time is a total whore and then actual Bedtime is a steaming asshole that just will not give you a break.

What is it about bedtime that makes kids act like the most annoying humans on the planet?   Aren’t they tired?  Aren’t they excited to go to sleep and replenish their energy in order to face another day of keeping other humans alive and doing all the glamorous things like laundry and cooking and toilets in between working a paid job?   Oh. Wait.

That’s me.

Honestly, MY bedtime is my favourite part of any day.   It’s better than toast ( and I fucking love toast) and a good book or a glass of wine or sex or anything I can think of these days.

I am so tired.  And my tiny humans will not fucking go to sleep.

Bedtime is a real asshole.  The biggest one I’ve ever met.

And then when Bedtime sucks, the next day sucks, because everyone is tired and Mommy didn’t get any alone time and here we are ALL OVER AGAIN with me fantasizing about MY bedtime, while wishing I cold hire a bedtime nanny 7 days a week.   I love spending time with my kids except when I have to put them to bed by myself.

And if you want to talk about The Hour Between Dinner And Bedtime, we need a whole other post for that motherfucker, because he is almost as relentless.

This shit gets easier, right?

This Is Not A Post About Victim Blaming. It’s A Post About Girl Power.

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I’ve been thinking a lot about the #metoo movement lately.   Here in Canada, we are not without political scandal.  In the past month we have had our fair share of politicians and influential media people who have been accused of sexual misconduct and left their job or been suspended as a result.

The thing that kills me is the consistency of the feelings the women share.   Nearly every single one of them were in a situation with a man who had power over them of some sort due to a direct boss-employee type of relationship, or the man was in a position to influence their career in some way.

Why does this kill me?    Because I find myself thinking, what girl in her right mind would put herself in that situation?   And what women wouldn’t say  what the actual fuck when some guy randomly whips out his dick and blows a load all over his office floor?   Why wouldn’t you turn down the next round of drinks instead of leaving yourself in a state of impairment that makes you vulnerable?

Well, I guess Margaret Atwood said it best.

Nothing changes instantaneously…..in a gradually heating bathtub, you‘d be boiled to death before you knew it.

The problem is that women, although we have made great advances in terms of choice and lifestyle and rights, have been sitting in that fucking bathtub for so long that we haven’t noticed how hot the water is.   Women feel like they can’t say no.   They feel like they have to accept bad behaviour.  We have been conditioned to tolerate things we don’t like to keep the peace.

We do it in all of our relationships, not just in regards to sexual misconduct in the workplace.  Or out of the workplace.

We are so so fucking worried that we are going to offend someone by being honest about what we want or don’t want.   By asking for what we need and refusing to settle.   We put our own needs last for the sake of others around us.

There is this perception that a woman who stands up for herself is selfish, or a bitch, or just plain difficult.

Well SO WHAT?

Nothing is going to change unless we contribute to that change.  And by contributing, I mean turn the cold water tap on and demand better.   Stop accepting shit because that’s what feels easier in the moment.   It’s not easier.

And it doesn’t mean that men aren’t the ones responsible for this crap.   I just feel like we have put the expectation on men to treat women fairly and respectfully and they have been fucking it up for so long, why are we trusting them to them to fix it?

They are the ones who need to adjust their behaviour, but people do what “works”.  It’s been working for men all this time.  And until every single one of us girls says Oh Hell No every single time and demands to be treated as equals, the bad behaviour will continue.

It’s not a woman’s fault.  It’s never her fault.  But it’s our responsibility to fight for something that is better.   It’s our responsibility to catalyze change for our daughters. Sometimes we just forget that we are powerful enough to say no, and that is the message we need to keep repeating.   We need to hear that we will be supported when we say no, and that can only come from changing the current culture and the imbalance of power.

 

 

Just Talk. #LetsTalk

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Everybody is talking about mental illness this week, mostly due to Bell’s #letstalk campaign.

So I’ll talk too.

I see so many things going around social media about how you don’t need some prescription, just lace up some runners and get some fresh air.

I read another article about the body having a reaction to inflammation causing mental health symptoms, claiming that dietary changes can fix all your troubles.

And of course at the other end of the spectrum people shitting their pants that its an illness, caused by chemical imbalances in the brain that must be treated with synthetic drugs, much like you would treat a bacterial infection with antibiotics.

Although, treating a viral infection with antibiotics gets you nowhere….do you see where I’m going with this?

The truth as I see it, and from my own experience is that every single one of these things is true.  The problem is that like everything else in life, humans have this tendency to push their experiences onto others, and expect others to react the same and have the same truth as they do.

Bitches, that is fucking ridiculous.

Just because you can keep your crazy at bay by going for a run or eating gluten free or having a stress reducing support peacock doesn’t mean that I can.   It’s like saying that because penicillin cured your strep throat, it will cure my influenza.  No two people react the exact same way to treatment and management of their symptoms.   Hell, I don’t react the same to management of my symptoms of anxiety for two weeks in a row.  My symptoms aren’t even the same two weeks in a row.

I mean, there are some repeat performances for sure, but some days the only thing that fixes my shit is a good hard 5km, and other days that same 5km will trigger my fucking anxiety.  It’s so bloody annoying.   It’s like some days my anxiety is a regular, predictable asshole, and sometimes it is just a real cunt that will not be contained.

My point is that living with a mental illness is a learning curve for each individual, and management of symptoms can be done using a variety of methods, including medication. (or some days preferably sedation I swear). Having some sort of expectation about what does or doesn’t work coming from somebody who has never worn my shoes is pretty fucking annoying.   It makes sharing harder, because people get all pissed when you reject their advice.   It’s like dude, the fact that just going for a run and having a cup of chamomile doesn’t make my batshit fly under the radar like it does for you doesn’t make it any less of a viable treatment option for you.  It might help.  But some days, I just can’t people.  Or be nice.  Or give a fuck about what you think.

So when you’re talking, be aware that sharing means recounting your experiences, and listening to another person’s ideas, and validating what they tell you.   It means that they are an expert about their own life, and you are just an observer that they trust enough to let in.

So don’t be an asshole.   If you want to talk, talk.   Don’t force. Don’t judge. Don’t expect. 

Just talk.

Women’s Rights Are Same As Men’s Rights. Also Known As *Rights* You Idiotic POS.

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Have you fucking read THIS?

Read it.  From start to finish, including the statement from the US Senate candidate that the article is about.

If you are a Republican, or Trump supporter, or in any way have your head literally stuck so far up your ass that you cannot see what is sitting RIGHT in front of you amidst the smoke and mirrors and self serving propaganda utter bullshit that comes out of the POTUS’s mouth, read this.

If you are a woman, read this.

And then get angry.

Look, women can be homemakers or stay at home parents if they want to.   I have written so many times about the struggle of balancing career and family.  I am of the opinion that if one parent can stay at home or work part time, or you can modify your work life in any way so that your children have the benefit of spending more time with a parent than another caregiver, do that.   I am ALSO of the opinion that those are things that a woman can decide for herself, without the government stepping in and deciding what her fucking role in life is.

There is a lot of pride in staying home with your children.  It’s hard, often thankless work.   It’s emotionally exhausting some days and extremely rewarding the next.   And if you choose and are financially able to make this work for your family, I respect and support that choice.

In no way does that diminish a woman’s right to choose if this is the life she ultimately wants, and in no way does this give men in  Washington, or Ottawa or London or wherever the reigns in making that decision for them.  In no way does this diminish the world’s need for women in top decision making roles for their countries or communities.

It doesn’t make them “career obsessed banshees” and it ALSO doesn’t mean that a man can’t have a home cooked meal at 6:00pm every night, because last time I checked he can cook it his damn self.

Aren’t we past this yet? When are men like Courtland Sykes going to stop thinking that women are around just to make their lives easier? When are men going to realize that women standing up and saying we are not objects or toys or prizes to be won and manipulated doesn’t make us anti men, it makes us anti abuse?

The patriarchy are getting scared, because they want to keep women in the subordinate, supportive roles.   And its really because they know they can’t do it alone and aren’t reasonable and mature enough to share the credit and say thank you.  They want all the credit for everything even though they barely do half the work.  And maybe, they are terrified that they are replaceable by women doing a better job then they are, when the world keeps seeing the same old problems over and over again and perhaps women offer a different perspective and solution.

Oh Hell no, Mr. Sykes.

This is finished, you are right about that.   But it’s not feminism that’s finished.   Every time a man says shit like this you just poured liquid gas on a fire that is rapidly approaching everything you have known for a very long time.   And we are about to burn that shit down.

 

 

 

It’s A Gun Problem, But It’s Not Just A Gun Problem

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https://www.dailykos.com/stories/2018/1/24/1735744/-Man-outraged-by-11th-school-shooting-this-year-posts-This-is-Bailey-Holt-GOD-DAMMIT-LOOK-AT-HER?detail=facebook

I don’t even really know what to say.

Here’s the thing.  The US isn’t the only place where regular people like you and me have access to firearms.   We are a responsible, gun owning family.   Our guns are locked up in steel safes that require a fingerprint, an access code or a key (which we keep hidden) to open.   We don’t fuck around, because not only do I have children, but there are other people’s children in my house.

But why then, do we not have the gun violence, particularly in schools, like they do in the US?

Why is this the answer people run to to solve their problems?   How do we go from those kids are assholes to I’m gonna go shoot up a school and steal someone’s child from them? When did shooting people become a solution to your problems?

Its guns, but its just not guns.   Its that we are afraid to discipline our kids.   We are afraid to hurt their feelings or teach them how to resolve shit directly because somebody might get offended.  We are so afraid of honesty and human connection and empathy that our course of action has become to simply just eliminate the problem.

This is a gun problem, but its not just a gun problem.   We live in a culture that glorifies violence in movies, and tv.   We live in a culture where we feel like the only way to protect ourselves is with violence.  We live in a culture where we have forgotten how to pay attention to the signs our kids are giving us because we are just so busy all the goddamn time.

We live in a time where the lawmakers are busy pissing around trying to make the other guy look bad so they can’t be bothered to solve any of the real issues plaguing their country.

We live in a place where you can’t buy a kinder surprise egg or a exersaucer on wheels because its too dangerous but you can buy a gun to keep in your home.

I don’t know what the solution is.   Because its a gun problem, but it’s also a people problem.  We are so fucked up.   We are broken and incapable of being human to one another.   People who aren’t broken by something don’t walk into a school and start shooting up their classmates.

And unfortunately, if you wait around for some asshole in Washington to finally decide that nobody can buy guns and think that will magically fix the violence that is plaguing the US, you will be waiting a really really long time.

This isn’t going away unless we change the dynamic in our homes and in our lives.   And if somewhere along the way the people in charge of shit pull their head out of their asses long enough to contribute by toughening up their gun restrictions, that would be really fucking helpful too.

Sleep well, Bailey.

 

No Mr.Trump, The Women’s March Wasn’t About The Lowest Female Unemployment In 18 Years

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You know, a couple of generations ago, women were struggling to find their place in society.   We struggled to emerge from predominantly being the keepers and managers of our homes and families to join the work force and be accepted more regularly in fields that were saturated with men.  We were struggling with the choice to accept our current roles in the home or to evolve into something more.   Something that equaled our partners.

And then once women were seen more and more in the workforce we struggled with being heard.   With feeling like our ideas and theories and methods were not only as valid as our male counterparts, but perhaps sometimes superior.    And then we struggled to be compensated equally for equal contributions.   And we still struggle with that today.

So no, feminism for me doesn’t have anything to do with how many women hold this office or that office.  It doesn’t have to do with Trump’s claim that we have the lowest female unemployment in 18 years.   We already covered that part of feminism.   We are part of the work force, duh.     Stop taking credit for work begun and accomplished by others.

And no, being able to list a bunch of women that hold office or *high powered* positions in government doesn’t mean a goddamn thing to me when overall the percentage of women in US government is only 24.9%, and men outnumber women 2 to 1 as White House aides.    Last time I checked we account for about 50% of the population.  That’s not equal representation, that’s some representation and it still needs work.

So what does feminism mean to me?

It would mean a world where I didn’t have to keep my keys between my knuckles when I walk out side from my campus studio to my car.   It would mean not making a point to look behind me if I hear footsteps so that I can look a would-be attacker in the eye and let them know I saw them.

It would mean not feeling like I should take one of the treadmills that has only a wall behind it, so that when I stretch after a run some guy behind me isn’t watching me bend over.   So he doesn’t think that the reason I am stretching is actually for his benefit.

It would mean not hearing my boss make a hiring decision based on whether or not that girl had a nice smile.

It would mean people not asking me who’s taking care of my children while I’m at work.  Like it’s so hard to fathom that maybe they are with their father, who is an excellent dad and equally competent to watch his own kids.

It would mean being seen for your merits without bias.

It would mean that my daughter never has to fight to be heard or seen or valued.   That nothing but her hard work and merit helps her attain her goals.  That no man would ever fathom to try and take advantage of her.

It would mean that the word *No* is the end of a conversation, rather than the beginning of a negotiation.  It would mean that men would understand that they cannot use force, or threat, or sex to intimidate a woman to get what they want.   And that women don’t feel like their greatest asset to attain what they want is their sexuality.

Because that’s kinda what it comes down to, isn’t it?   Feminism for me, at this moment is most meaningful as a movement to help men understand that they cannot and no longer will try to control a woman and /or her body.   From reproductive rights and care, to sexual misconduct and rape.  And everything in between.

Get away from our vaginas, stay out of our uteri, and get the fuck over our breasts already.   That’s what feminism means for me right now.

So yes, it was a beautiful day for the Women’s March yesterday, Mr. Trump.   Too bad you don’t understand the context of it AT ALL.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I Don’t Give Shit If Meryl *Knew*

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Wikimedia Commons

So, yeah.    Why are we all up Meryl Streep’s ass for her claiming she didn’t know that Harvey Weinstein was an abusive piece of shit who bullied women into sexual activity with the threat of demolishing their career hanging over their heads?

I mean, yes.    He’s a dick, but is that Meryl Streep’s fault?    Last time I checked, HW was a super rich movie producer and distributor that must have worked with someone other than Meryl. 

But now everyone is pissed of at Meryl because they think she knew about what was going on in Hollywood and didn’t swoop in and say something cleverly Meryl and fix it?

Give.Me.A.Break.

Word on the street is that everyone knew.   Word on the street is that a shit ton of women have been assaulted by HW and only came forward now.  Word is that people kept quiet out of fear and intimidation and a strange culture of accepting things for what they were instead of fighting for what should be.   Word is that is was acceptable for a woman to subject herself to terrible things because it was *necessary* to get anywhere in the misogyny that is Hollywood.

So there are two scenarios, in my mind.   One is that, of course Meryl actually didn’t know what was going on.

Now before you all start screaming *LIES*, think about it for a second.   Meryl Streep is literally Hollywood royalty.  She is probably the most talented actress of a generation, hugely respected, well spoken, out spoken and not in the habit of needing a boost from anyone.   Meryl Streep sells movies. HW did not sexually assault her, because he didn’t dare.   He needed her on his side, because she somehow had become powerful in a sea of dickhead white men ruling the roost with sexist rules and abusive priorities.  She did not experience what any of the women assaulted by him experienced, and it may have given her the privilege of being blind to what was going on.

The other possibilty, is that she DID know, but like everyone else has kept her mouth shut.  In this case, why is it Meryl Streep’s job to jump in and save the world?   Why are we putting this on her shoulders?  Scapegoat much?

And if she DID know, and is lying about it now I’m not sure I blame her.   Regardless of who she appears to be, she is still human, driven by human fears and desires.

Expose it all at what cost?  At the cost of losing everything she has earned in her career?   At the cost of being sued or thrown out of the very industry she has literally ruled for the past 30 years?   At the cost of having one less strong woman in a place where women of influence are lacking?   At the cost of much personal attack and detriment?

Would you have jumped in and started to yell “HW tries trades blow jobs for movie roles!” if you were in her shoes?

We are putting one hell of a responsibility on her.

So yeah.   I don’t actually give a shit whether or not Meryl Streep knew about what was going on ( likely) or didn’t know, or thought something was maybe going on, or is lying about knowing or WHATEVER.   We are not supposed to be in the habit of shifting the heat from the people who should be feeling hot as fucking hell right now.  Why are we focusing on Meryl when we should be focusing our energy on changing a culture where men feel like it is appropriate to sexually intimidate women and women feel like they have to tolerate it?

WE ARE WASTING OUR TIME ON THIS BULLSHIT.  We are wasting our resources turning Meryl into a villain when we already know who the bad guys are.

And by the way, Meryl is not the first actor to claim they didn’t know and express how sorry  they were.  A whole bunch of men did that too….

Maybe we just expected better from her.   But holy shit you guys.    Let’s get the bad guys instead inventing new ones.

 

AfterOtis

Written by Natalie Oldham

Midnight Calico Farm

One Family's Journey into Farm Life

unreally written

A mushy mom, a little madness, and a lot of musing.

Speechbaby

Child Rearing with a Professional Twist

Feminist Philosophers

News feminist philosophers can use

Out an' About

Loving Life On and Off the Tracks

Cooking Without Limits

Food Photography & Recipes

MOMtessori Life

Living the Montessori life as a mom with two young children

The Magical Thinker

Beauty, Fashion, and Lifestyle Blogger

Books, Books and More Books!

Read a Review, Leave a Comment!

Archon's Den

The Rants & Rambles of A Grumpy Old Dude

Mind Of An In-Depth Woman

My thoughts about love, music, spirituality, relationships, life and random topics in between

The Bede Update

He may be small but he is mighty

Ends and Beginnings

"The World is round and the place which may seem like the end may also be the beginning."-Ivy Baker Priest

Musings of An Insomniac

Late night thoughts of a fool.

Surviving Grief

How to embrace grief and heal

dwaineevanssr

This WordPress.com site is the cat’s pajamas

BigAndPinkyToes

A blog about family, food, and other good stuff.

Mums diary blog

MOTHERHOOD ~ FASHION ~ FAMILY LIFESTYLE #mumsdiaryblog

This Mommy's Adventures of Autism, Special Needs, and Everything in Between

My family. Our stories. Parent and Creative Explorer

Breaking Sarah - Bruised, Not Broken

One woman's raw journey through incest, teen pregnancy, trauma, death, and family estrangement.

Not the Average Mama

Taking the Step out of step Parent

brickhousechick

Letting it all hang out

lifebeyondmommy

A stay at home mothers guide to self discovery

Peace Hacks

Life, Faith, the Occasional Adultimatum

The Shameful Sheep

shit storms, shame, and stories that make you cringe

Luminous Blue

a mother's and daughter's journey with transformation, cancer, death and LOVE

The Secret Life of Emily Maine

a place to shout my secrets

Dramatic Momologue

The juggle is real.

andrea shawcross

comedy writer & maker of filmstuffs.

Ben's Bitter Blog

"We make bitter better."

David McVety

A Spiritual Shepherd's Thoughts on Faith and Family

Beating Myself Into a Dress

First a wedding dress, then a maternity dress, now I'm just trying to fit into ANY dress.

The Fat Chick Memoirs

Dealing with my Weight-Loss One Funny Story at a Time

The Science of Mom

The Heart and Science of Parenting

The Fat Bottom Bard

Waxing Poetic and Penning Tall Tales

Jeneral Musings

A personal potpourri of thoughts

Supporting Birth Diversity

Celebrating the Tapestry of Motherhood

Insidethelifeofmoi

An eccentric blogger with a pen and a thousand ideas

r a r a s a u r

frightfully wondrous things happen here.

An Early Start

Meet Jax a funny, kind, and smart preschooler who was a micro-preemie born at 23 weeks. Now that Jax is older, the scariness of the NICU has faded, but we're still learning how to manage the lasting effects of prematurity including chronic medical issues, ADHD, and Autism Spectrum Disorder. This is our story of love, hope, and survival.

Writings From Dr. Oolie's Pond

Poetry, Prose, and Random Thoughts

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