Yeah. I Leash My Kid, But You’re The Douche.
by Cookie
Hey it’s Thursday! Guess what time I woke up today? 4am. Yes! Isn’t that fucking awesome? I can hardly wait for the rest of the world to wake up in about 5 hours and complain about how tired they are.
So I perused the “family” section on Canada Msn, and came across a debate about whether or not you should leash your toddler. This should probably be a Friday topic, but I am so seriously infuriated by this one bitch’s comment that I almost went into labour. Which would have of course meant she was instantly forgiven. But since it didn’t happen, fuck her.
“I think parents who use leashes look lazy. It seems cruel to yank a child around town rather than take the time to teach him or her how to behave in public.”
Well pardon the fucking HELL out of me you perfect, fucking, mother of the year. Shall I just rush out and get you your crown and bouquet of flowers and just shrink back to the dark corners of my shit ass life? I can’t even believe that someone would say this.
1. I am 1010 months pregnant and counting.
2. I live on a busy residential street.
3. I am still trying to take my almost 2 year old daughter out for walks even though the pain in my crotch and pelvis is borderline torturous some days.
4. I cannot possibly catch her if she starts running towards the street.
5. All it takes is ONE time. ONE FUCKING TIME where I don’t get to her in time and some asshole is speeding down the street.
6. I am not lazy. I am being practical and working within my limitations.
7. Go fuck yourself.
Then she goes on to talk about how it isn’t surprising to see leashed children misbehave. I guess it’s because us lazy shits don’t take time to teach our children any boundaries. Last time I checked, every toddler on the face of the earth has thrown a fit over something or other. I suspect that the reason an unleashed tot is not freaking out is partly because they are getting their own way at the moment. And for the record, I don’t leash my toddler every time I go out. I leash her when her safety trumps your judgemental bullshit. Such as busy street, or if I’m by myself with her in a busy place and I’m worried I can’t keep up to her.
And yes, while teaching my child rules is my job as a parent, so is going to whatever means necessary to keep her safe. So while you are shouting commands to your child from across Target, I will have my kid safely in the cart. Or attached to it. Or attached to me. And I will look at you and think you are just as big of a douchebag as I am. So there.
Women like this really get on my tits, you know? Why is it that because something worked for you it automatically makes the rest of us wrong for not doing it your way? Because at the end of the day, you cannot guarantee that your child, especially a toddler is going to listen and give a fuck what the rules are every single time. They are not capable of it because they live in a world of instant gratification and cannot predict the outcome of their actions.
So yeah. I leash my toddler. Because I don’t trust her. Not because she’s an asshole and I suck at parenting, but because she’s fucking two years old.
ONE TIME. That’s all it takes.
My kid may be on a leash, but at least she’s not on a milk carton or tombstone.
I used a leash on my second here in Italy – OH MY GOD!?!?!? The reactions were astounding. I honestly they they were going to report me.
I tried to explain to them that it was really common in London (busy streets etc) but they were not sympathetic.
BUT i had Thing 1 on a scooter at high speed and they never went in the same direction and Thing 2 was known to pull a hissy fit and refuse to walk etc etc. A leash worked for me and for him.
Sod them! seriously – People like that bug me as they are just always ready to criticise the stuff that is LITTLE. They should chill out and realise there are countries at war and bigger things to criticise.
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Let them stare! As Tric said “feckin eejits!”
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*High Five* .. I love it. xx
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Our boys have awesome little backpacks to carry little toys and snacks in and yep, they have a leash! I bought them for busy airports and places where it would be sooo easy for someone to snatch them up, not to mention, having 2 two year olds who like to go in two differnt directions!! The reactions have always been smiles from others but even if they were negative, I don’t freaking care, they are my kids and Id like it to stay that way.
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Ours is the monkey backpack shown in the picture. Even with help from husbands and friends, it takes one second for a kid to disappear!
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I’ll give you a choice Irish description of that opinionated/ judgemental mother,,,, “feckin eejit” or you might prefer “gobshite”.
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I so, so love you.
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I wish I had a leash yesterday. Or a whip, shock collar, or straight jacket. I can’t even describe to you the tantrum thrown by The Tornado at the spring fair yesterday because, horror of horrors, she had to wait in line for the bouncy castle, but it was like something off tv. I had to carry her, literally kicking and screaming and flailing, the whole loooooong way to our far away parking spot. Bob Marley almost became an only child, especially after she hit him in her rage. But please, douchey women with all the answers, feel free to borrow my kid for a while if you think you can do better.
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So she misbehaved without a leash on? Gasp! It actually does happen??
Did you read the original article? She actually compares training a child to puppy training. I have three dogs. And the difference between a dog and a child is that the dog usually listens. That, and choke chains.
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My daughter has entered a spawn of satan phase, where she runs from me in every store. I have chased her, not pregnant, down every Home Depot and Lowe’s aisle in Austin over the last few weeks, and I can barely catch her because sprinting after her seems undignified. She will lay down on the ground like she is being tortured if I try to hold her hand walking through a parking lot. When I grab the back of her shirt, she yells, “OWWW, that hurts mommy!” and falls to the ground in a Hollywood worthy performance. I’m officially the mom with the screaming kid everywhere we go now, and I have three options. Don’t go anywhere again ever until this phase passes, let her have at it and annoy everyone in the store because you can’t really reason with a toddler, or buy a leash. And I’m seriously considering getting one.
Like you said, it only takes one time.
Fuck the judgment, and do what you have to do.
Great post!
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I wonder what Mother of the Year would say about your tantruming child? Shall we write her and ask her what to do?
I hate people.
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I have always thought the leashes were odd, but I sure as hell wouldn’t want to be pregnant trying to run after a 2 year old!! To each his own. Really, why do other people get so uptight about some shit like that?
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I used to think that leashes were stupid, until I had my boys. Then, I got it. I still don’t use one, instead I usually haul around a stupidly big stroller to contain the little wanderers (who are we kidding…runners), and that works for me, but when I see a kid on a leash, I no longer judge. Because, my boys have a one track mind and it is usually to accomplish whatever they want in the moment without a thought for large moving cars, kidnappers, bodies of water or steep cliffs. So, yeah, a leash? I totally get it.
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A stroller is a harness where you sit, a leash is a harness where you walk. Same same. I love how anti leash people act like you don’t leave the house without leashing your child. It clearly isn’t the case as I’m yet to see a leashed child and they sell like hotcakes here. They are all morons. Great post!
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I shared your post on facey with some interesting responses. I laughed so hard at this one I had to share it:
Personnally we don’t strap kids into seat belts in the car. We just let them crawl around where ever they like in the car, whilst we travel at 100k/h, regardless of the consequences. Who are we to make informed decisions on their behalves and constrain them to ensure their safety?
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Best.Response.Ever. I wish I had been that witty!
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