I think I had one of those moments this morning. You know, where you suddenly realize why you feel the way you do about something?
I read this article about helicopter parenting, and I realized that the reason I’ve never been a fan of the attachment parenting is because I’m afraid it leads to helicoptering.
Does it? I’m not sure. But what I’ve observed in this generation of children is hat they are a whole lot less independent and willing and capable of doing things for themselves. There is an expectation that mom and dad will care of everything for them. An inability to fuck it up and then figure it out. I mean, the guy in the article called his child’s college professor and argued about his kid’s grade. Are you kidding?
So. Here’s the thing. I don’t have a problem with breastfeeding and babywearing and all that stuff. And the article makes no mention of parenting style used since birth, although I strongly suspect that these parents were attachment parents. It doesn’t seem logical to me that someone would evolve from being a “cry it out” mom to a helicopter mom, does it? But attachment parenting is supposed to lead to greater self-confidence and independence by them feeling secure all the time in infancy, is it not? So how come some of the kids are turning out all needy and weird?
I talk to my parents almost daily, as the kids in the article do. But I’m not asking them for shit. They give me stuff all the time, especially now that I have baby(ies), because they feel that it is their right and duty as grandparents to do do. Fair enough. But the last time I actually asked them for anything? Maybe to see if my dad could drive me to a doctor’s appointment when I was too pregnant with Destroyer to fit behind the wheel.
The hard part is that we all love our children so, so much. I know that. I see the panicked look on some women’s faces when they see their kid fall down across the playground. But if you go running every single time, how will they ever learn the difference between an inconvenience and a crisis? Do you want you child to feel as though they are always in the midst of a crisis that they surely are incapable of solving on their own? And it’s not that I’m not watching, and assessing the situation, but Destroyer know where I am, and knows that I am available. And most of the time? It’s too inconvenient for her to come over to where I am and interrupt her play. So she figures out how to dust herself off. My heart kinda breaks a little, but I am patting myself on the back at the same time.
I also find it interesting that as we have more split families and double income families, the more helicopter we become when we are around. But I don’t think you can make up the lost hours. Like I mentioned in an earlier post, I think kids just need us to spend time with them. It’s enough.
Anyway, read the article. It’s interesting.
I’m going back to gestating. Sigh.